Controversial Opinions.

I am occasionally surprised with how angrily some react to my Tweets or my Facebook posts. One this morning attacked my "smearing" of Stephen Hawking, RIP. I truly despise the abolition of reality checks when such heroes die. Stephen was a great, ground-breaking and incredible scientist but as a human being he fell far short of compassion and kindness. Especially to his wives and children.

I do not believe in whitewashing the dead. They are flawed like the rest of us. Sometimes more so. My opinions are my own, usually carefully thought out and based on my own reality, sometimes drawing on my own pain or enlightenment. But they are sincere and destined not to hurt as I "own" them. I try not to attack YOU, but to point you in the direction of my reality, my perception of events. And I truly respect yours. We learn so much from each other's journeys.

I find it hard to understand the removal of controversial or opposing comments from blogs. What are bloggers and commentators looking for? Constant approval? Adulation? Hits? Sycophantic spirits in the digital realm?

I have little time for ad hominem attacks - I've been a victim myself - but certainly time for genuine, critical, thoughtful thinking, even of a drastically opposing viewpoint - I will fight to the death for you to air whatever you feel.

I view my blog as a place for me to throw something out and then take time to savour the comments, much like a virtual dinner party. And believe me I've had dinner parties where a guest has displayed his hitherto masked racism or misogyny - but I do not eject him from my dinner table and banish him to the yard unfit for human company. For that is exactly the time to share our own beliefs without shaming or blaming but have a civilized conversation with indoor voices. Nothing vulgar, as my blog friend Nick would have it.

Careful consideration and respect for each other should be a given. And comments and opinions upheld and not censored unless personally attacking an individual rather than offering an opposing opinion.

Congenial and honest discourse.

Reasoned debate.

Or am I dreaming?

R*E*S*P*E*C*T

{on a cold winter day, I go back to the bay - photo by me}

My last post caused a bit of a stir. And engaged some of my commenters with each other rather than directly with me. Which is all fine and good.

But what struck me most forcibly and has for a few days now, was the complaint that I didn’t offer solutions to the problematic Proposition 8 approval in California and to the other long list of ills that faces the new president, Mr. Obama.

Solutions?

They can be all boiled down to one word:

RESPECT.

(1)
How about that from here on in that the U.S.A. offers respect to all the other sovereign countries of the world. That respect would begin by not invading them ever again.
And to those they have invaded without cause or reason:
Huge whopping apologies for the genocides and the horrific destruction with a sincere effort to rebuild the mess and compensation for resources stolen and private property annihilated.

(2)
How about from here on in that the U.S.A. offers respect and equality to all of its citizens and not base it on gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc. And by not forgetting the marginalized aboriginal peoples or the 25% of Americans who declare themselves atheist or agnostic. Starting with perhaps the Oath of Office, an affirmation of the separation of church and state and certainly not a gloating in-yer-face assertion of Christian domination of all belief systems.

(3)
How about respect for the planet itself, our fragile eco-system that can no longer sustain the burdens of over-population and the relentless plundering of her finite resources: water, oil, minerals, animals, fish, etc. How about being the world’s leader in an effort to halt the pollution, the mono-agriculture, the flagrant waste of rampant consumerism?

(4)
How about not bailing out the banks, the insurance companies, the auto manufacturers who have raped and pillaged the hard workers of the U.S.A. How about revitalizing the electric car, sustainable community living, 21st century public transit, community organic gardening?

(5)
How about universal health care that would embrace each and every citizen of the U.S.A, and not just the wealthy?

(6)
How about correcting a system that sees 5% (the highest in the WORLD) of its citizens incarcerated for idiotic petty crimes.

(7)
How about admitting that out of control capitalism doesn’t work, has never worked, will never work. How about working together to find a system that does?

Starting with RESPECT?

And speaking of respect: has anyone else noticed that the news commentators on CNN, MSNBC, et al, refer to the new president as “Obama” while continuing to refer to the last as “Mr. Bush.” A small point, but telling.

And a great big thank you to Tessa for my latest award, shown on the sidebar and here!


- and I pass it on to these five wonder-women:

Irene
Twilight
Gaye
Brighid
Laura

R*E*S*P*E*C*T

Oh Aretha, when you sang:

(oo) What you want
(oo) Baby, I got
(oo) What you need
(oo) Do you know I got it?
(oo) All I'm askin'
(oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home
(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

Did you know you could never demand it? You had to earn it, girl!

And you have to give it too. Just about all the time.

We were talking about this the other day, my eldest brother and I. Respect. He has had a difficult and painful divorce from his ex-wife and is now involved with a new partner. He had to break uncomfortable news (for her) to his ex-wife and his adult children who are scattered all over Europe while he lives in the Middle East. He chose to plane hop to each and every one to tell them this news face-to-face rather than on the phone or e-mail. His ex-wife tolerated him for eight minutes (he clocked it) in her house before showing him both her fury and the door. He knew it would be difficult and awkward but said any other way would be cowardly, he owed her respect. She is the mother of his children. My respect for my brother is even more immeasurable.

Respect.

A dear friend was in court some years back. He was going through an extremely antagonistic divorce and his wife's lawyer kept pushing her claim on their wealth higher and higher. He was getting angrier and angrier until it suddenly hit him that the scene that was unfolding was not about the money as much as about the death of the dream they had together. He needed to respect that dream even though she detested it (and him). He said to his shocked lawyer, "Whatever she is demanding now, add $50,000 to it". After protesting, his lawyer did so and the silence in the courtroom seemed to last for five minutes before everyone signed off and left. And a few years down the road when she developed cancer, he was the first person she called.

Respect.

I was reminded tonight over dinner that my irritation with a very dear friend of forty years was just that - irritation at her carelessness, at her inattention, at her lack of get up and go. It had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with my intolerance and impatience. She deserved love from me. And I gave it to her and meant it. I stopped riding her on her deficiencies and paid attention to the pain in her life which was then freely shared with me once my judgemental barriers were removed.

Respect.

And as I write this I reflect on how the world would be if more respect were shown, like Obama respecting Hillary and vice-versa, and Bush respecting everybody - how good would that be?

Much of our trouble would surely be over.