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A beautiful envelope appears in your mailbox. It’s certainly not a bill or a piece of junk mail. No, this letter is far more important. You’re the lucky recipient of a wedding invitation. Whether it’s gold-trimmed, adorned, or printed on scented paper, the intent is the same: A family member or friend is requesting your attendance on their special day. As you scan the page, one part likely leaps out: RSVP. What does this acronym stand for? RSVP is the abbreviation of the French phrase "Repondez, s'il vous plaît." It translates to "Respond, if you please" or, better still, "Respond please." Simply put, this means that the couple wants you to let them know if you'll be attending their wedding ceremony and reception.
When you tear open the wedding invitation and start reading, you need to pay close attention to the RSVP section. Usually, this part of the invitation will be a separate card, which you will need to send back to the soon-to-be newlyweds. It may include additional information, such as meal options and the name of your plus-one. In recent years, many RSVPs have gone digital, and more and more couples are asking guests to let them know if they'll be attending the celebration via an online platform or a section of their wedding websites. Whether it's a physical card or a digital RSVP, though, the etiquette rules remain the same: You should let the couple know—before their requested RSVP by date—whether or not you plan to attend the wedding. You may also be asked to include names of those attending (assuming you were invited with a plus-one or family) and dietary preferences.
Here, we share more to know about RSVPing for a wedding, including exactly how to do it, why it's so important, and what to do if you need to change your attendee status before the big day.
How to RSVP
Now that we understand the meaning of RSVP, let's dive into the actual response. If the to-be-weds included a pre-printed response card, they already did most of the heavy lifting for you. All you need to do is fill in the blanks with accurate information. Alternately, the response card may be blank. If there is no prompt to guide your answers, be sure to include your full name and any additional guests attending with you. Things get a bit trickier if there's no RSVP card included. Check the invitation or wedding website for further details or clues, like an email address or phone number for text replies.
Why It's Important to RSVP
Responding to an invitation is an absolute must, whether you intend to go or not. The chances are that the couple had to make some rather tricky decisions when creating the guest list. Put simply, every wedding guest costs. The price-per-head will always factor into the overall budget. So, the fact that you got invited may mean someone else did not.
With that in mind, letting the couple know whether you will be attending is plain good manners. Should you not be able to make it, for whatever reason, they may be able to invite someone from their ‘maybe’ list. On the other hand, if you’re planning to be a part of their special day, you need to let them know as soon as you can.
How to Cancel or Change an RSVP
Once you’ve RSVP-ed, there’s nothing left to do but wait until the big day arrives. However, life is full of surprises. You may find that your plans change and you need to tell the couple that you can no longer attend. Handling this matter delicately is key. Keep in mind that they will have already made arrangements ahead of time.
As soon as you know that your circumstances have changed, reach out to the couple. While you want to avoid an overly complicated explanation, you should include a reason.
Include a sincere apology as part of this message. Be certain to tailor this letter or email to your circumstances and be as earnest as possible.
RSVP Wording Etiquette
Responding to invitations promptly is polite. Most of the time, RSVP cards will include a line that tells you when you need to respond by. For instance, it may say “Please RSVP by May 31.” That’s a hard deadline but it doesn’t mean that you can’t answer faster. If you already know whether you can attend or not, go ahead and let the couple know.
The RSVP card will also take all of the guesswork out of your reply. Generally, there will be a line that indicates where you write your name (or names, assuming you were invited with a guest or family) and a box to check whether you will or won't attend. Some RSVP cards will also include a selection of food options for you to choose from. That's all that's necessary, but some guests like to include a quick note on the back of the card that expresses how excited they are to attend or their sadness at not being able to be there. This is in no way a requirement, but it can be a nice touch.
If you've been instructed to RSVP via email or else not given instructions at all, it's important to pen an appropriate message to the soon-to-be weds. In these cases, there’s a simple, standardized way to respond to an invitation. Fortunately, you don’t need to write an entire essay. Instead, keep things short and snappy. Here’s an example of how you can reply if you are attending the couple’s special day:
Dear [Insert Couple’s Names],
We would like to accept with pleasure the kind invitation to your wedding on Saturday, July 25 at 1:00 PM. We gleefully look forward to the event.
Kind wishes,
[Insert Your Name(s)]
While the above example works for most circumstances, you may want to jazz things up. If you’re close to the couple in question or simply feel creative, you can add a splash of personality into your RSVP. See the following example:
Dear [Insert Couple’s Names],
Thank you so much for including us in your wedding plans. We accept with pleasure the kind invitation to your wedding on Saturday, July 25 at 1:00 PM. We cannot wait to celebrate your big day with you!
Kind wishes,
[Insert Your Name(s)]
That’s all well and good, but what if you can’t attend the wedding? The golden rule here is not to over explain the situation. The most likely reason you can’t make it is simply that you’re busy—nothing more, nothing less. Be sure to state that you have a prior engagement and wish the couple well. Here’s a quick example:
Dear [Insert Couple’s Names],
We would like to thank you for the kind invitation to your wedding on Saturday, July 25 at 1:00 PM. Regrettably, we will be unable to attend due to prior commitments. We wish you the best on your special day!
Kind wishes,
[Insert Your Name(s)]