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156 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1982
People exist for the sole purpose of tracking down the intellect and annihilating it. Sensing that somebody’s brain is on the point of some intellectual effort, they come along and stifle this intellectual effort at birth. And if it isn’t my wretched, malignant, deceitful sister, then it’s somebody else of her kind.
For a year now you’ve been wittering on about Mendelssohn Bartholdy. Where’s your great work? she said. You associate only with the dead. I associate with the living. That’s the difference between us. In the society I mix with there are living people, in yours there are only dead people. Because you’re afraid of the living, she said, because you’re not willing to make the least commitment, the commitment that has to be made if one wants to associate with living people. You sit here in your house, which is nothing but a morgue, and cultivate the society of the dead…
I don’t know which came first – my illness or my sudden distaste for society. I don’t know whether the distaste was there first and gave rise to the illness, or whether the illness was there first and gave rise to the distaste for this particular society, for social gatherings of this kind and for society in general.
I’d always cared extremely little for public opinion because I was obsessed with my own opinion and hence had no time at all for the public’s.
The scene today is dominated by baseness and stupidity, and by the charlatanry which makes common cause with them. My Vienna has been totally ruined by tasteless, money-grubbing politicians and become unrecognizable.While he often seems like a mind that is being shorn from it’s hinge, it would be wrong to dismiss him as an utter madman (as he suspects all his acquaintances have); Bernhard manages to give birth to an eloquent voice that resides in the ambiguous region where madness and genius overlap, bestowing Rudolph with a cunning insight and a silver tongue of vast literary magnitude. I’ve always been fond of insufferable narrators, the type of people that I accept would probably be unbearable as a friend or to encounter in person, but I can’t help but loving their bitter, volatile personalities on paper. Perhaps that is one of the many gifts of literature; through books like this we come to understand the character and why they present a thorn of a personality and in turn learn tolerance and acceptance of others. Rudolph seemed reminiscent of many of my other favorite insufferable narrators, especially the one found in Hamsun’s Hunger.
Only a few people have the strength to turn their backs on Vienna soon enough, before it is too late; they remain stuck to this dangerous and poisonous city until, finally, they become tired and let themselves by crushed to death by it, as by a glistening snake. And how many geniuses have been crushed to death in this city? They simply can’t be counted.Rudolph finds faults everywhere he casts his gaze, and finds them unbearable and suffocating. Each annoyance in the world builds to stifle his self-professed creative genius, a genius his is unable to reveal to the world due to, what he believes to be, strangling stupidity and sheer blindness towards what is truly brilliant. ‘I can’t expect simple people to take me seriously anymore,’ he writes, detailing his excuses for his self-removal from society. However, no matter how hard he tries to remove himself from anything distressing, he is always able to find a new matter that is such a heavy burden to him that he cannot begin writing. Also, much like Dostoevsky’s narrator from Notes From Underground, he believes he is deathly ill. The world around him is so dissatisfactory and vile that it has planted a terminal illness in him, one that can be used at any moment to forego any progression in his work or life. ‘I don’t know which came first—my illness or my sudden distaste for society.’
"La vida es maravillosa, pero lo más maravilloso es pensar que tiene fin. Este es el mejor consuelo que me guardo en la manga. Pero tengo muchas ganas de vivir. Siempre las he tenido, salvo los momentos en que he pensado en el suicidio."Thomas Bernhard es ante todo un provocador, en absoluto fiable, un enredador irónico, un histriónico amante de la exageración, la frase lapidaria, la expresión furibunda que es replicada pocas palabras más allá en otra frase no menos lapidaria, no menos furibunda. Un aguafiestas aficionado al escándalo y a las contradicciones irónicas que reflejan a la perfección su espíritu impúdico, desvergonzado, insurgente. Unas contradicciones que ahondan en la falta de verdad que es la gran verdad que el escritor postula, en el fracaso que supone buscarla, en la desesperación que genera no encontrarla.
I’m going to say that I am an observer of myself, which is stupid, since I am my own observer anyway: I’ve actually been observing myself for years, if not for decades; my life now consists only of self-observation and self-contemplation, which naturally leads to self-condemnation, self-rejection and self-mockery, in which ultimately I always have to take refuge in order to save myself.I knew it would happen. I knew that whatever little I missed on my first outing with Bernhard would no longer remain obscure this second time around. I knew that sooner than later, I would happily include another writer in ‘one of my favorites’ list and that writer would secure another devout fan. Here I am and Here He is. Take a bow, Mr. Bernhard. I’m delighted for both of us.
Everyone is a virtuoso on his own instrument, but together they add up to an intolerable caco-phany. The word cacophony was incidentally a favourite of my maternal grandfather’s. And the phrase he hated more than any other was thought process. Another of his favourite words was character. During these reflections it suddenly struck me for the first time how extraordinarily comfortable my armchair is.
People love animals because they are incapable of loving themselves. Those with the very basest of souls keep dogs, allowing themselves to be tyrannised and finally ruined by their dogs. They give the dog pride of place in their hypocrisy, which in the end becomes a public menace. They would rather save their dog from the guillotine than Voltaire.
At the same time I had to tell myself that we invariably made excessive demands of everything and everybody: nothing is done thoroughly enough, everything is imperfect, everything has been merely attempted, nothing completed. My unhealthy craving for perfection had come to the surface again. It actually makes us ill if we always demand the highest standards, the most thorough, the most fundamental, the most extraordinary, when all we find are the lowest, the most superficial, the most ordinary. It doesn't get us anywhere, except into the grave. We see decline where we expect improvement, we see hopelessness where we still have hope: that's our mistake, our misfortune. We always demand everything, when in the nature of things we should demand little, and that depresses us. We see somebody on the heights, and he comes to grief while he is still on the low ground. We want to achieve everything, and we achieve nothing.
PAGE 29 - "I believed fervently that I needed my sister in order to be able to start my work on Mendelssohn Bartholdy. And then, when she was there, I knew that I didn't need her, that I could start work only if she wasn't there. But now she's gone and I'm really unable to start. At first it was because she was there, and now it's because she isn't."
PAGE 50 - "We must commit ourselves one hundred per cent to everything we do, my father always said. He said it to everybody - to my mother, to my sisters, to me. If we don't commit ourselves one hundred per cent we fail even before we've begun. But what is one hundred per cent in this case? Haven't I prepared for this work one hundred per cent?
PAGE 60 - "How long it is since I last took these cases out of the chest! I said to myself. Far too long. In fact the cases were dusty, even though they had been in the chest ever since my last trip, that is my last trip to Palma."
PAGE 124 "At two o' clock in the afternoon, when the car came to collect me, it was still eleven degrees below zero in Peiskam, but on my arrival in Palma, where I am writing these notes, the thermometer showed eighteen degrees above."