Philippe's Reviews > Eros/Power: Love in the Spirit of Inquiry

"What sludge in the human heart must we confront in me, in you, in us, if there is to be an evolutionary, developmental transformation in how women and men relate, whereby power is subordinated to love and love to inquiry?" -- Hilary Bradbury and Bill Torbert

This is a very unusual book. And a very brave one. Two mature, distinguished academics lay bare their experiences of intimate, sometimes sexual, inter-gender relationships across the full arc of their lives. The result is a human-all-too-human picture, full of slip-ups, dead ends and blind spots as well as moments of profound beauty and intimacy. Why on earth would they do that? Their aim is to inquire into the potential of intimate relationships "for mutually supportive, ongoing exploratory quest(ioning), with the potential to heal, transcend, and transform tired patterns of relating between women and men" (cited from the foreword by Patricia Gaya). In their own words, Bradbury and Torbert are interested in gaining a better understanding of how "to practice inquiry in relationship where eros and power intersect, that very place where hurts and disappointments are most keenly felt." It is worth noting that the gender-based framing needs to be nuanced. It is less about women and men than about "the feminine and the masculine that embodies us in different measure". Also, 'eros' is pure desire, a life force and a fount of creative impulses. Within the context of inter-gender friendships it expresses itself in a passionate register, in a forceful surging toward one another, in a desire to become more intimate. The key question is then how to turn this impulse into an opportunity for loving mutuality and synergetic growth.

The matter is certainly relevant for practitioners who are engaged in facilitating and supporting processes of inquiry in an organisational context. Because, whether we seek them out or not, it is in these settings that we run the risk of meeting people with whom we have a special affinity. My phrasing in terms of 'risk' makes these encounters sound like a liability. Potentially they are, certainly in our times when inter-gender relationships are seeking a new, mutually satisfying equilibrium. However, the authors of this book want to maximise the potential for celebration of these delicate relationships as 'containers of transformation'. And this requires that we become very adept at recognising our own desires, needs and behaviours as well as those of our counterpart and other people who are very close to us. When we are ready to engage at that level then the relationship becomes a process of relational action inquiry. The latent conflict between eros and power flips from being a source of misunderstandings and energy blockages to Eros/Power, a "revitalizing experience of intersubjective flow that occurs when love and power conjoin through inquiry in the midst of relating between persons". Is there anything more satisfying and beautiful than to grow into and become part of these kinds of generative patterns? I have framed this now as matter of interest for professionals who are engaged in processes of organisational learning and change. But of course all intimate friendships, including those that are anchored in personal life, have the potential to be a container of transformation. So this book is potentially valuable for a very wide readership.

The exploration is considerably enriched by the integration of a developmental theory about how humans can transform during a lifetime through eight 'action-logics', or developmental stages or patterns of interpreting and acting in the world. This body of knowledge and practice was an important part of Bill Torbert's professional and academic legacy, which has been more widely publicised elsewhere under the rubric of 'Action Inquiry'. The authors filter their experiences at the intersection of eros and power through the lens of this developmental framework. There is an overal pattern of growth, as they mature in their relationships, to 'higher' action-logics. But as the story unfolds we also start to appreciate the fragility of behavioural patterns at these more advanced stages. The risk of a relapse into older, atavistic patterns is always there.

Another persistent theme that runs through the narrative is the age-old and still operative power asymmetry between men and women. This is a lamentable fact and a deep trauma, and therefore an almost inexhaustible source of guilt and resentment. In my opinion, the protagonists in this experiment of relational inquiry have not been able to fully transmute this wound. The guilt and resentment still echo through its pages. And could it be otherwise?

I refrain from articulating my own feelings of sympathy or discomfort in relation to the two-voiced narrative that uncoils in alternativing sections and chapters of the book. Both Bill and Hilary are good, sharp narrators, but their tone of voice and angle differs. I learn a lot from both, but perhaps inevitably (?), it is for me easier to identify with Bill's perspective. I really do appreciate his candidness and wisdom a lot. But the tentative question mark indicates that there is a issue here for me that deserves to be further explored.