Zitate

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. I bury a lot of my ironing in the backyard.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

"Fang" is permanent in my act, of course. Don't confuse him with my real husbands. They are temporary.

I still take the pill because I don't want any more grandchildren.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they would boo.

I never made "Who's Who" but I'm featured in "What's What?".

I realized on our first wedding anniversary that our marriage was in trouble. Fang gave me luggage. It was packed.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Homework can't kill you, but why take the chance?

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say "Take off your clothes"?

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.