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It's the first morning at Camp Firewood, and the horny counselors are already making their moves, while something sinister is going on in the woods.

Journalist Lindsey goes undercover as a counselor. Beth and Greh make a startling discovery. Coop has his hands full with Kevin and Donna.

Tensions rise after Blake sees Andy hitting on Katie. Beth goes to an unlikely source for help. Coop is crushed when Donna gives out multiple gifts.

Astrophysicist Henry Neumann (David Hyde-Pierce) rents a cabin next door to the camp. BTO is flowing on WCFW. Claude Dumet (John Slattery) recasts the big theatrical show and holds auditions. The Falcon cleans up a convenience store. Andy catches Katie preparing for auditions and catches the acting bug. Kevin tries to save Amy from embarrassment. The hypnotist, "Jackie Brazen" visits and gets uncanny. Drew tries to call "dibs" on Amy. Ben does not realize he is creative; and this makes McKinley very surprised. At Camp Tiger Claw, Graham shows unusual depth and quality by choosing the best. Courtney hits on Flaky Blake; lip gloss used to be SO MUCH FUN in the 70s-80s. Warner calls Courtney a minx and Blake calls Warner a socialist. At the library, Gail finds out from Jeff Jeff that Jonas is not exactly who he says he is. As he ends his act, Jackie Brazen mangles a perfectly brilliant Einstein quote; so, perhaps he is not exactly who HE says he is, either!

Susie, Claude, Andy and Katie get closer during the evening meal. Jonas overreacts when Victor crank-calls him. Beth and Greg hire a lawyer.

Lindsay pays her debt to JJ. Jonas has totally flipped out back to Gene. Eric followed Lindsay and takes her away from camp. The Beehive rocks as Electro City starts. Coop freaks out as the Israeli guy turns him into the turd of the triangle. Andy makes his big debut. Waterville, Maine is saved by idealistic Jim Stansel, second story lawyer... until he "F. Lee bails out" on his clients. Ben gets a kiss and Gail and Jeff Jeff have breakup sex. Lindsay makes music with Eric. Susie and Ben confess to each other. Steve brings evidence to save the trial. Blake finally gets down with Courtney. Katie and Andy do a bit of dirty dancing as Blake watches. Eric and Lindsay make out as they crack the problem with the song, but Lindsay runs away: she cannot BE the story, only write it. Greg spots a mobile phone a few decades early and wonders what it is. Suddenly, the Falcon makes a Shakesperian prophecy come true...

It's the Staff Party and everyone is getting ready. Lindsay does not want to write the Eric/Camp Firewood story but her editor boss gives her a midnight deadline. Andy confuses poor Katie with oblique Chinese food metaphors. Victor is going to get it on with the choreographer IF he can get condoms. Luckily for Victor, things have changed since the summer of '42. Andy leads a guitar hootenanny; the campers play 7 minutes in heaven. Lindsay's cover gets totally blown, both with Camp Firewood and Eric. But, Katie and Andy finally get things straight, which causes Blake to incite a riot.

The Falcon, indeed, killed the lawyer and he got all targets but two: Steve and Beth. The President orders The Falcon and his Special Ops crew to decimate Camp Firewood and destroy the waste. Neil and Shari enjoy a field of dreams without a baseball or bat. During the first wave of the military attack, Falcon and Gene kick it around ninja 865-DELTA style. During the Camp Tigerclaw attack, in clear violation of the 1978 peace Accord of Lake Winnisuki, campers wield their weapons. Let the squash racquets and nunchucks fly!