- Stan: That person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do, is indeed without a doubt, a real superhero.
- Spider-Man Noir: Hey, fellas.
- Miles Morales: Is he in black and white?
- Peter B. Parker: Where is that wind coming from? We're in a basement.
- Spider-Man Noir: Wherever I go, the wind follows. And the wind... smells like rain.
- Stan: [as Miles buys a Spider-Man costume] I'm going to miss him.
- Miles Morales: Yeah.
- Stan: We were friends, you know.
- Miles Morales: Can I return it if it doesn't fit?
- Stan: It always fits. Eventually.
- Jefferson Davis: With great ability comes great accountability.
- Miles Morales: That's not how it goes.
- Peter B. Parker: [to Miles, after he lost his uncle Aaron] We've all been there. For me, it was my uncle Ben.
- Spider-Man Noir: For me, it was my uncle Benjamin.
- Peni Parker: For me, it was my father.
- Gwen Stacy: For me, it was my best friend.
- Spider-Ham: Miles, the hardest thing about this job is you can't always save everybody.
- Miles Morales: When will I know I'm ready?
- Peter B. Parker: You won't. It's a leap of faith. That's all it is, Miles. A leap of faith.
- Miles Morales: [final lines, voiceover] Okay, let's do this one last time, yeah? For real this time. This is it. My name is Miles Morales. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for like two days, I've been the one and only Spider-Man. I think you know the rest. I finished my essay. I saved a bunch of people. Got hit by a drone. Did this with my dad. Met my roommate finally. Slapped a sticker where my Dad's never going to find it. And when I feel alone, like no one understands what I'm going through, I remember my friends who get it. I never thought I'd be able to do any of this stuff. But I can. Anyone can wear the mask. You can wear the mask. If you didn't know that before, I hope you do now. Cuz I'm Spider-Man. And I'm not the only one. Not by a long shot.
- Gwen Stacy: [from beyond her dimension] Miles! Miles! Miles! You got a minute?
- Spider-Man Noir: Sometimes I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something, anything.
- Peter B. Parker: What did you say your name was?
- Doc Ock: Dr. Olivia Octavius.
- [takes off her lab coat to reveal her mechanical octopus tentacles, one of which shoots out and pins Peter to the floor]
- Peter B. Parker: Can I assume your friends call you Doc Ock?
- Doc Ock: My friends actually call me Liv. My *enemies* call me Doc Ock.
- Miles Morales: How many more Spider-People are there?
- Peter B. Parker: Save it for Comic-Con.
- Miles Morales: What's "Comic-Con"?
- Peter B. Parker: This could literally not get any weirder.
- Spider-Ham: It *can* get weirder!
- [holds out his hand, which is wet for some reason]
- Spider-Ham: I just washed my hands. *That's* why they're wet.
- [beat]
- Spider-Ham: No other reason.
- Spider-Man Noir: [looking at a Rubik's Cube] This is purple?
- Spider-Ham: No.
- Spider-Man Noir: Blue?
- Spider-Ham: No.
- Miles Morales: What's going on with your body?
- Peter B. Parker: I don't think my atoms are real jazzed about being in the wrong dimension.
- [glitches]
- Peter B. Parker: Look, I'm not looking for a side gig as a Spider-Man coach. I got a lot going on in my dimension, like a lot.
- Miles Morales: With great power comes great...
- Peter B. Parker: Don't you dare finish that sentence! Don't do it. I'm sick of it.
- Chorus: [from trailer] Spider-Ham, Spider-Ham / Friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham / Spins a web, that's the gig / Kind of weird, cause he's a pig / Look out, here comes a Spider-Ham! / To him, life is a plate of bacon / When there's trouble in the making / You'll find a Spider-Ham!
- Spider-Man Noir: OK, little fella, Kingpin's gonna send a lot of mugs after ya, I'm talking hard boys, real biscuit boxers. Can you fight them all off at once?
- Miles Morales: Well, I, I haven't actually fought anyone...
- Spider-Man Noir: Surprise attack!
- [Miles tries to fight Spider-Man Noir, but Noir knocks him down. Peni jumps in]
- Peni Parker: Can you re-wire a mainframe while being shot at?
- Miles Morales: Can I what?
- Peni Parker: Show me!
- Spider-Man Noir: Surprise attack!
- [Noir knocks him down again]
- Gwen Stacy: Can you swing and flip with the grace of a trained dancer?
- Spider-Man Noir: Can you close off your feelings so you don't get crippled by the moral ambiguity of your violent actions?
- Aunt May: Can you help your aunt create an online dating profile so she can get out of the dang house once in a while?
- Spider-Ham: Can you float through the air when you smell a delicious pie?
- Miles Morales: What?
- Gwen Stacy: Can you be strong?
- Peni Parker: Ruthless?
- Gwen Stacy: Disciplined?
- Miles Morales: I don't know, maybe...
- Spider-Ham: BOING!
- Spider-Man Noir: Show me some moxie, soldier!
- Gwen Stacy: Above all, no mater how many times you get hit, can you get back up?
- Spider-Man Noir: Because when a Spider-Man is on the floor...
- Gwen Stacy: - When you think you've given your all...
- Spider-Ham: - When you think you can't keep going...
- Spider-Man Noir: - Spider-Man always gets up.
- Brooklyn Visions Security Guard: I know you snuck out last night, Morales.
- Miles Morales: [thinking] Play dumb!
- Miles Morales: Who's Morales?
- Miles Morales: [thinking] Not that dumb!
- Lyla: You're a bit late.
- Miguel O'Hara: Can't all be everywhere at once.
- Lyla: A little text might have been nice.
- Miguel O'Hara: I was gone for less than two hours. What happened?
- Lyla: Okay, okay, okay. I know what it looks like, but... here's the good news.
- Miguel O'Hara: Oh, here we go.
- Lyla: The multiverse didn't collapse.
- Miguel O'Hara: Oh, cool!
- Lyla: A little touch and go. It worked out.
- Miguel O'Hara: Great story. Hey, did you finish the goober?
- Lyla: It's not a goober. It's a gizmo.
- Miguel O'Hara: You always have to call me out? It's just really frustrating and that bums me out.
- Lyla: Don't get too excited, Miguel. It's just a prototype.
- Miguel O'Hara: Not excited.
- Lyla: But you could be the first person to make an autonomous multiverse jump. Or the last.
- Miguel O'Hara: Okay, so we're just... gonna roll the dice on this?
- Lyla: So what do you say, pal? Where do you want to go first?
- Miguel O'Hara: Let's start at the beginning, one last time. Earth-67.
- [Miguel jumps into Earth-67 and meets that universe's Spider-Man]
- Miguel O'Hara: Whoa!
- Spider-Man (Earth-67): What the- ?
- Miguel O'Hara: I'm Spider-Man. I need you to come with me.
- Spider-Man (Earth-67): [pointing at Miguel] Who the heck are you?
- Miguel O'Hara: [pointing back] I, I just told you. Now listen, listen. I'm from the future.
- Spider-Man (Earth-67): [pointing back] How dare you point at me.
- Miguel O'Hara: [pointing back] You, you were pointing first.
- Spider-Man (Earth-67): [pointing back] It's rude to point.
- Miguel O'Hara: [pointing back] You're being very rude! You're not even believing what I'm saying!
- Police Officer (Earth-67): Which one pointed first?
- J. Jonah Jameson (Earth-67): Spider-Man pointed first. Obviously!
- Miguel O'Hara: [as both Spider-Men continue to point at each other] You're pointing at me right now! Look at you! Look what you did there! Look at your finger right now!
- Spider-Man (Earth-67): You're pointing. I've been pointing at your pointing. It's different than normal pointing.
- Miguel O'Hara: You are pointing...
- Spider-Man (Earth-67): You haven't seen pointing until I'm finished with you.
- Miguel O'Hara: You're accusing me of pointing while you're...
- Mary Jane: [mistaking Peter for a waiter] Hello.
- Peter B. Parker: Oh, wow.
- Mary Jane: Um, I just wondered if we could have some more bread at table twelve.
- Peter B. Parker: Yeah! I'm just, I'm really sorry...
- Mary Jane: Oh, don't be sorry. It's just bread.
- Peter B. Parker: No, I wasn't there for you when you needed me.
- Mary Jane: Mmm-hmm...
- Peter B. Parker: And I didn't even try.
- Mary Jane: That's fine. I should really get going...
- Peter B. Parker: I know I could do better if I just had another chance to give you... the bread that you deserve.
- Mary Jane: Are you okay?
- Gwen Stacy: Ma'am, we'll take care of that bread right now.
- Mary Jane: It's been nice, uh, talking to you.
- Peter B. Parker: For you they should fill this place up with fresh bread.
- Gwen Stacy: [to Peter] You all right, man?
- Peter B. Parker: Yeah, totally.
- Gwen Stacy: Okay, good, 'cause we are not getting any bread.
- Peter Parker: [while being attacked by The Prowler] Are you mad at me? I feel like you're mad at me.
- Peter B. Parker: This kid can turn himself invisible! Watch this, he can do it... now!
- Miles Morales: I can't do it on command...
- Peter B. Parker: He can't do it on command! But it is cool. Show them the zappy thing, Miles.
- Miles Morales: I can't do it on command.
- Peter B. Parker: He can't do it on command! But he can do so much more, like what else do you do?
- Miles Morales: Just those two things.
- Peter B. Parker: Just those two things.
- Miles Morales: I was there when it all happened. I'm sorry.
- Aunt May: And what dimension are *you* from?
- Miles Morales: Brooklyn.
- Miss Calleros: Mr. Morales, moving in the dark. You're late again.
- Miles Morales: Einstein said time was relative, right? Maybe I'm not late. Maybe you guys are early.
- Gwen Stacy: [beat, but then giggles] Sorry. It was just so quiet.
- [first lines]
- Peter Parker: [narrating] All right, let's do this one last time. My name is Peter Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and for ten years I've been the one and only Spider-Man. I'm pretty sure you know the rest. I saved a bunch of people, fell in love, saved the city, and then I saved the city again... and again and again and again. And I, uh... I did this.
- [shot of Spidey doing the emo dance from "Spider-Man 3"]
- Peter Parker: We don't really talk about this. Look, I'm a comic book, I'm a cereal, did a Christmas album. I have an excellent theme song. And a so-so popsicle. I mean, I've looked worse. But after everything, I still love being Spider-Man. I mean, who wouldn't? So no matter how many hits I take, I always find a way to come back. Because the only thing standing between this city and oblivion is me. There's only one Spider-Man. And you're looking at him.
- Scorpion: Puerco? What are you, some kind of silly cartoon?
- Spider-Ham: You got a problem with cartoons?
- Peter B. Parker: Ah, you have a goober. Give it.
- Miles Morales: [referring to the Peter Parker of his universe] Wait, no. He called it an override key.
- Peter B. Parker: There's always a bypass key, a virus key, a who-cares key I can never remember so I just call it a goober.
- Uncle Aaron: [weakly] Miles...
- Miles Morales: Uncle Aaron. This is my fault.
- Uncle Aaron: No, Miles. I'm sorry. I wanted you to look up to me. I let you down, man, I let you down. You're the best of all of us, Miles. You're on your way. Just... just keep going... just keep going...
- [dies]
- Peter B. Parker: [in reference to an impressive move Miles does] Ah, we taught him that, right?
- Gwen Stacy: I didn't teach him that. And you *definitely* didn't.
- Miles Morales: Why do you look like Peter Parker?
- Peter B. Parker: Because I *am* Peter Parker.
- Miles Morales: Then why aren't you dead? Why is your hair different? Why are you older? Why is your body... a different shape?
- Peter B. Parker: Pretty sure you just called me fat.
- Miles Morales: No, no, you just...
- Peter B. Parker: Hey, listen, you don't look so hot either, kid. Most superheroes don't wear their own merch.
- Mary Jane: My favorite thing about Peter is that he made us each feel powerful. We all have powers of one kind or another. But in our own way, we are all Spider-Man. And we're all counting on you.
- Miles Morales: [quietly] They're counting on me...
- Metaphor Man: Probably not you specifically. I think it's a metaphor.
- Peter B. Parker: All right, people, let's do this one last time. My name is Peter B. Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and for the last twenty-two years I thought I was the one and only Spider-Man. I'm pretty sure you know the rest. You see, I saved the city, fell in love, I got married, saved the city some more, maybe too much, my marriage got testy, made some dicey money choices - don't invest in a Spider-themed restaurant. Then like fifteen years passed, blah blah blah super boring, I broke my back, a drone flew into my face, I buried Aunt May, my wife and I split up. But I handled it like a champion.
- [cut to Peter crying on the floor of the shower in his spider-suit]
- Peter B. Parker: 'Cause you know what? No matter how many times I get hit, I always get back up. And I got a lot of time to reflect and work on myself. Did you know that seahorses that they mate for life? Could you imagine a seahorse seeing another seahorse and then making it work? She wanted kids and it scared me. I'm pretty sure I broke her heart. Flash forward, I'm in my apartment doing pushups, doing ab crunches, getting strong -
- [he is actually lying on the floor eating pizza]
- Peter B. Parker: - when this weird thing happened. And I gotta say, weird things happen to me a lot. But this was *real* weird. You see, I was in New York, but... things were different. Also I was dead. And blonde. I was kind of... perfect. It was like looking in a mirror. I have a feeling the thing that brought me here was the thing that got him killed. You wanna know what happened next?
- [beat]
- Peter B. Parker: Me, too.
- Miles Morales: Are you a ghost?
- Peter B. Parker: No.
- Miles Morales: Are you a zombie?
- Peter B. Parker: Stop it.
- Miles Morales: Am *I* a zombie?
- Peter B. Parker: You're not even close.
- Miles Morales: Are you from another dimension? Like, a parallel universe where things are like this universe, but different? And you're Spider-Man in that universe? But somehow traveled to this universe, but you don't know how?
- Peter B. Parker: [stares] Wow. That was really just a guess?
- Kingpin: You like my new toy? It cost me a fortune. But hey, you can't take it with you, right? You came all this way. Watch the test. It's a helluva freakin' light show, you're gonna love this.
- Jefferson Davis: I love you, Miles.
- Miles Morales: Yeah, I know, Dad. See you Friday.
- [Miles gets out of the police cruiser and starts walking towards the school; Jefferson blips the siren]
- Jefferson Davis: [into the cruiser P.A. radio] You gotta say "I love you" back.
- Miles Morales: Dad, are you serious?
- Jefferson Davis: [into P.A] I wanna hear it.
- Miles Morales: You wanna hear me say it.
- Jefferson Davis: [into P.A] I love you, Dad.
- Miles Morales: You're dropping me off at a school.
- Jefferson Davis: [into P.A] I love you, Dad.
- Miles Morales: Look at this place...
- Jefferson Davis: [into P.A] Dad, I love you.
- [long pause; everyone is staring]
- Miles Morales: [defeated] Dad... I love you.
- Jefferson Davis: [into P.A] That's a copy. Tie your shoes, please.
- Kingpin: I'd say it's nice to see you again, Spider-Man. But it's not.
- Peter Parker: [weakly, gravely injured] Hey, Kingpin. How's business?
- Kingpin: Booming. Ha!
- Peter Parker: Nice...
- [Kingpin rips off Peter's mask]
- Peter Parker: Aww, that's a no-no.
- [beat]
- Peter Parker: This might open a black hole under Brooklyn. It can't be worth the risk.
- Kingpin: It's not always about the money, Spider-Man.
- [Prowler advances on Peter, claws extended]
- Peter Parker: [frantic] Don't you want to know what I saw in there?
- Kingpin: [holds up a hand] Wait.
- Peter Parker: I know what you're trying to do... and it won't work. They're gone.
- [Kingpin stares, eyes narrowed, then furiously slams his fists down onto Peter, killing him]
- Kingpin: [to Prowler] Get rid of the body.
- Spider-Man Noir: [fighting Tombstone] Is that all you got? You gonna fight or you just bumping gums, you hard-boiled turtle slapper?
- Doc Ock: If we fire again this week, there could be a black hole under Brooklyn. You see this? And this? This is multiple dimensions beginning to crash into each other.
- Peter B. Parker: [eavesdropping with Miles, he makes the "running mouth" hand gesture] This is pretty standard Spider-Man stakes. You get used to it. Watch this. He's gonna say "You've got 24 hours."
- Kingpin: You've got 24 hours.
- Doc Ock: What this means is there could be a rupture in the space-time continuum.
- Peter B. Parker: Ooh. That's bad. Actually, everything she said was bad. I was lying before.
- Gwen Stacy: [voiceover] All right, people, let's start at the beginning one last time. My name is Gwen Stacy. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and for the last two years I've been the one and only Spider-Woman. You guys know the rest. I joined a band. Saved my dad. I couldn't save my best friend, Peter Parker. So now, I save everyone else. And I don't do friends anymore. Just to avoid any distractions. And one day, this weird thing happened. And I mean, like, *really* weird. I was blown into last week. Literally. I landed in New York, but not my New York. My spider sense told me to head to Visions Academy. I wasn't sure why until I met you...
- [back to the present; Gwen stares down Miles]
- Miles Morales: I like your haircut.
- Gwen Stacy: You don't get to like my haircut.
- Miles Morales: Do I get to like the hairdo now?
- [Miles and Gwen laugh]
- Gwen Stacy: You know I'm older than you. Fifteen months, but it's pretty significant, if you ask me.
- Miles Morales: Well, Einstein said time was relative, right?
- Gwen Stacy: [laughs] Nice.
- Miles Morales: [offers his hand] Friends?
- Gwen Stacy: [hesitates, then takes Miles' hand and holds it] Friends.
- Miles Morales: Cool.
- Gwen Stacy: See you around, Spider-Man.
- Spider-Man Noir: Get a load of how the waiters are dressed.
- [seeing the waiters are all dressed like Spider-Man]
- Spider-Man Noir: It's in poor taste, but... it can't be that easy.
- [cut to them sneaking in as waiters]
- Spider-Man Noir: It's that easy.
- Doc Ock: Okay, I'm kinda freaking out right now. I mean, you're supposed to be dead.
- Peter B. Parker: Surprise!
- [she removes his mask]
- Peter B. Parker: Oh, okay. That's... that's a no-no. We don't like that.
- Doc Ock: This is fascinating.
- Peter B. Parker: [she smooshes his lips] Okay, that's my face.
- Doc Ock: An entirely different Peter Parker. Okay, little bit of a gut, perhaps from dimensional warping.
- Peter B. Parker: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was way flatter before I warped.
- Miles Morales: Gosh, don't cops run red lights?
- Jefferson Davis: Oh, yeah. Some do. But not your dad.
- Miles Morales: [receives a test graded "0/100"] A zero, huh? A few more of those, you'd probably have to kick me out of here, huh? Maybe I'm just not right for this school.
- Miss Calleros: If a person wearing a blindfold picked the answers on a true-or-false quiz at random, do you know what score they would get?
- Miles Morales: Fifty percent?
- Miss Calleros: That's right!
- Miles Morales: Wait, wait...
- Miss Calleros: The only way to get all the answers wrong... is to know which answers are right.
- [changes the test score to "100/100" and looks up at Miles]
- Miss Calleros: You're trying to quit. And I'm not gonna let you.