Never Get Married

Unlike most Adult Cinema fans, I collect and watch videos by label, a habit I inherited from my love of Jazz LPs, where the recording label has traditionally been extremely important. In the case of watching Brazzers DVDs since 2004, I've been appalled at the evaporation of quality after the label became subsumed in a nameless, faceless intl. porn conglomerate about 6 years ago.

"Never Get Married" is an extremely boring and poorly conceived/directed 4-parter about Dana DeArmond's travails being married to that lunk Keiran Lee. Brazzers has celebrated the fact that Lee shot over a thousand vignettes for the company since deserting his Brit Porn roots in 2008.

The ups and downs of their relationship play second fiddle to crappy sex scenes in which Dana's heart clearly isn't in it. I don't know if she resented being called to the party so late in the game by the previously huge-bust-required label (for whom she was ill-suited to perform) but this ranks among her worst screen performances, magnified by the show emphasizing her. Adriana Chechik is shoe-horned into the sex action as the daughter of Dana's BFF Chanel Preston, and of course Chanel is on hand for lesbian and threesome action. It's all unpleasant and pointless.

Filling out the DVD are two random scenes from Brazzers' vast vault of website content. Keiran has a different role as barman working at a pub where Tamara Grace is the owner's daughter and femme manager of the bar. Keiran is creepy and of course gets to hump the snooty TG, but all I wanted to do was to eject the video and watch Tamara in one of her many quality British and Euro projects that have some substance.

Cute young Roxy Rae provides a half hour diversion posing in a photo session for shutterbug Jordan Ash, very typical Brazzers filler that in its own simplistic way outshines the main feature with ease. The fact that Roxy is not top-heavy is the obvious sop to the label's new regime's approach.