Ninja death III

Well, thank god this trilogy is complete! All three entries in this carpark ninja series were filmed in the same year, which probably should tell you all you need to know about their quality. In this one, the gold lamé evil master is back and there is a succession of interminable fights in a forest. I don't know what was going on, and I can't be bothered doing any research whatsoever to pretend that I did. This one is squarely for those of you with a high tolerance for things that go THWACK! BOING! THWACK! For 90 agonising minutes.

I have seen "Ninja Death II" and hated it, mostly because it seemed to be a completely incoherent jumble of costumed characters flailing at each other. Rather than go back to the original, I figured I could just jump to the conclusion of the "Ninja Death" saga.

First thing to note: This is set in China and contains exactly zero ninjas.

I believe that the first half hour of this may be a HIGHLY condensed synopsis of the first two films since it's just a series of fight scenes with no context at all.

It settles down in the last hour and settles into a story. It's still not very comprehensible since no context has been established. A young guy with a blind teacher has to defeat a gold lame jumpsuit wearing villain for unspecified reasons. There's a young woman he's sort of in love with and probably her brother. They worry he can't beat him, but naturally he does.

I'll give it this, when it settles down and there's a skeleton of a plot connecting the frenetic fight scenes, it's almost entertaining.

At one point, our hero declares he has an appointment and walks away. This is never brought up again. I like to think he had to meet his accountant.

Our hero's mother insists that he MUST have sex with his girlfriend the night before his fights the big villain. THIS is something I have never seen in a film.

A demon mask wearing badass leaps into the final fight and helps our hero. This movie never really explained who he was, but he was pretty badass.