Meatcleaver Massacre

"Meatcleaver Massacre" starts with long occult monologue of British horror legend Christopher Lee.A famous professor of occultism named Cantrell and his family is attacked in their home by four knives wielding students.Proffesor survives the attack,but his entire family is murdered.Whilst lying and vegetating in his hospital bed Cantrell summons an old Gaelic god to take vengeance on the murderers.And guess what?The killers begin to die one by one in some rather psychedelic ways for example one of them is killed by film projector.Incredibly cheap and delirious horror flick which rarely makes sense.There are some downright hilarious scenes and quite disturbing hallucinations throughout.The atmosphere is strikingly dreamy and nightmarish sometimes.The acting is awful and there is no meatcleaver massacre.6 rusty meatcleavers out of 10 and that's being generous.

This Faux Prequel to Patrick, Old Chief Wood'nhead and Pumpkinhead, was just as you expect and little more. It got confusing at times, but I just kept reminding myself: This is just Patrick, Old Chief Wood'nhead and Pumpkinhead and it's probably not the first of its kind. Never heard about it until this morning and at only 85 minutes, I regret little.

Hi and welcome to my review of Meatcleaver Massacre.

The story gets a 1.5 out of 2: Keith Burns and Ray Atherton produce a solid occult horror story of revenge. It's a shame the production company decided it wasn't enough and tagged on an Intro and Outro by legendary Christopher Lee. And, in all honesty, these segments were not required. What was essential was more substance; in both characters and story. For example, why did the other kids follow the "bad seed" and attack the Professor's family? What hold did the guy have over them? Also, additional scenes with the doomed household would have helped the audience better associate with them. Relating to the family would add extra shock to their gruesome demise. A lot of time is wasted on Mr Lee's segments when it should have bettered the story and film. What a waste.

The Direction and Pace receive a 2 out of 4: Evan Lee is a more than adequate director, though there are a few times when the film suffers from slow pacing. There are some well-composed shots. I especially loved the sequence where one of the killers finds himself alone in the desert. Lee shoots this segment superbly. My favourite shot is of the guy standing up. In the foreground, we have darkened dunes. When he stands up, he's noticeable in his white shirt. While in the background, you have grey and dark grey cacti in silhouette. It's the kind of shot a photographer dreams of snapping. Lee could easily have directed a movie of an hour and a half: Had the story been up to scratch.

The Acting gets a 1 out of 2: Here's a strange thing. Lee doesn't use the best actors and actresses in the right roles. There are minor parts in this film that are stronger in their portrayals than the more major ones. The mismatch is a shame as it adds an awkward feel to the film. I found myself thing a couple of times, why wasn't she playing her? Why was he in that role? Unfortunately, this brings you out of the movie.

And, my Enjoyment level hits a 1 out of 2: I absolutely hate that they used Christopher Lee to boost bums on seats. Because I chiefly sought this movie for the very reason. When I realised what was happening, I was angered and a tad deflated. These feelings doubled when I realised the story wasn't terrible. MM would have been a decent movie, in its own right, had the tome been afforded the proper attention. Along with the issues mentioned above, it made Meatcleaver Massacre a mediocre movie.

These ratings give Meatcleaver Massacre a total of 5.5 out of 10:

For all the filmmakers out there, watch this film and then discard any ideas of carrying out a similar process. It doesn't work. As for all the Horror Flick Fans, MM is a watch once and throw away film. Though, only do this after you've exhausted all your other choices.

Slash your way over to my Chiller Thriller Killer and Absolute Horror lists to see where the Meatcleaver penetrated my rankings. And, to find those better films.

Take Care & Stay Well. Get Inoculated.

With a movie called "Meatcleaver Massacre" (also known as "Hollywood Meatcleaver Massacre"), you don't expect great art or a film with Oscar nominations. In fact, you'd likely assume it is dreck...and even that's too kind for this bottom of the barrel picture.

Now, you might be tempted to think it won't be that bad. After all, it stars Christopher Lee and begins with him lecturing the audience about evil. But it turns out his speech was actually made for a different film and the production company sold it to another one. This way, Lee was acting in a movie he'd never heard of because they'd inserted him into another movie without his permission! So it's crap...but also SLEAZY crap! And, he really didn't star in any movie...just a brief lecture on evil.

Four college students brutally attack a professor and his family. The wife and kids are dead but the professor, from his coma, contacts the evil demon Morak...offering him his soul IF he allows the professor to see his revenge. What follows is about what you'd expect...gore, lousy production values, terrible acting, and lots of fake blood in this nasty little movie.

What kind of college curriculum involves lectures on the occult, the professor muttering Satanic incantations in the dark while projecting details from a gory 15th-century painting of the avenging demon Morak, destroyer of destroyers?

Amazingly, Professor Cantrell's rather irregular course on demonology seems to be popular with his students, apart from Mason Harrue (Larry Justin), who isn't happy about being pressured to turn in a term paper on the subject. To teach Cantrell a lesson, Mason and his gang break into the professor's home and slaughter his family, leaving the teacher in a semi-vegetative state, unable to speak.

Mason and his thrill-kill pals think they have gotten away with murder, but they shouldn't have messed with an expert in the occult: even in his debilitated condition, Cantrell is able to summon Morak and send the demon to seek retribution.

Behind this film's sensational title lies a tedious piece of amateurish trash that doesn't even have the good grace to feature a meat cleaver. The opening mean-spirited murders promise something wonderfully gritty and grimy, but the remainder of the film is simply boring, the deaths of the gang members unimaginative and frustratingly lacking in gore. The direction by Keith Burns (going by the pseudonym of Evan Lee) is lifeless, and his actors are, without exception, wooden and unconvincing. According to Wikipedia. Burns was replaced by legendary craptastic director Ed D. Wood Jr, which speaks volumes about Burns' film-making skills.

For movie masochists who decide to give this one a whirl, there are two versions available: the original cut, which goes by the title Hollywood Meatcleaver Massacre, and a shorter, re-released version with the title Meatcleaver Massacre, which features a prologue and epilogue by Christopher Lee, shot for an entirely different movie! Either way, the film sucks.

1.5/10, rounded up to 2 for the hilarious ending in which Morak, depicted as a three-eyed monster with massive fangs in the painting, turns out to be a hairy man covered in green slime.