Ninja - In geheimer Mission

According to the director this movie was popular in Asia. It is somewhat difficult to take these Mats Helge movies seriously since most of his films are shot on a very tight budget. Almost no USD at all. But it is fascinating to establish that Mats Helge eventually completes something which can be called an action movie. The Ninja Mission is - I think - the best one among all movies directed by him. Some special effects are quite enjoyable. This is not a "B" or "C" movie. It is a "Z" movie - but an enjoyable and fun "Z" movie!

You've been fouled and beaten up in submission by my harsh statements about "femme fatale" / "guns n' gals" movies! Now comes another breed in disappointing rediscoveries: ninja movies! Many of these I've seen before, and let me tell you, they aren't all that's cracked up to be! They usually don't stick to the point. This, among all others, suffers from no originality! What's a ninja got to do with preventing a nuclear holocaust in Russia? And isn't this supposed to be a "martial arts" movie, too? Does plenty of gunfire sound like an incredible action movie to you? Is blood the number one reason to love this to death? Will you waste some of your hard-earned cash over a lady singing in her see-through tank top? The answers to these important questions are found in THE NINJA MISSION, which should be in the martial arts section of your video store. For even more nonsense ninja fun, try checking out those Godfrey Ho movies put out by Trans World. You get what you deserve, and that's a promise! Recommended only for hardcore ninja addicts!

This is truly a Swedish cult classic. On the cover of my copy, the tag line is "Ninjas and the CIA explode in violence in the heart of Russia". To the best of my knowledge, Ninja Mission is still the Swedish film to generate the most revenue (abroad, since it was instantly banned in Sweden during the merry 80's).

The movie itself is a clumsily put together action bonanza with a superbly surreal plot revolving around a revolutionary energy source, kidnapped scientists, and lots and lots of ninjas employed, for some reason, by the Americans.

The random slow motions scenes, haphazard spurts of violence and blurred footage come together to create a rather confusing, if entertaining B-movie with a thin slice of macho heroic moral slapped on top. As in so many other Mats Helge movies screen time is mostly spent on people walking in and out of rooms, running along hallways and yelling 'hurry up' to one another - a surefire way to create excitement. Still, there are joyous little things like the ninja terror weapon that fires a toxic dart, making the victim's heart (or head!) explode, and a fair amount of decent ninja action with some pretty neat martial arts moves.

70% of the actors sport heavy Swedish accent, and Mats Helge himself plays the fat, bearded Russian secret agent that kidnaps young girls.

This is the magnum opus from the Swedish king of crap, Mats-Helge Olsson. Seldom has a movie of this magnitude been made in Sweden and it truly stands out as one of the most amazing achievements in Swedish film to date. Who pays for these things?

The Russian nuclear scientist Markov wants to defect to Sweden. But his plans are ruined by the Russian military who kidnap him and tell him that he has arrived in Sweden. This trickery is their way of seeing to that Markov continues his work in nuclear physics that will revolutionize the energy supply for the whole planet. The CIA however is bent on getting Markov to the west and send their ninja to liberate him.

The practice of having Swedish actors speaking English is something that Mats-Helge has perfected in his later works. The cheap b-movie feeling this creates is probably unmatched for performance. But besides this? Well the action is standard direct-to-video style. Machine guns firing huge clouds of smoke. Thousands of Russians dying. People running around in black ninja suits, trying to hide in the snow.

What really stands out though is the insanely poor way the fighting scenes are choreographed. When they say "Ninja" in the title i expect martial arts, i expect close combat. But there are maybe two or three scenes of actual martial arts in this movie. And they are hilarious. It's so bad i lack the words to describe it. If the ninjas moved any slower their hearts would stop. And of course the whole movie ends in a bang that indicates a special-effects budget consisting of four food-stamps and a McDonald's voucher.

So what's the verdict? Instant classic of course. Never before has a movie been made that is so obviously meant to be consumed along with huge amounts of alcohol. It's the ultimate party movie. Insert into video and laugh. One just has to realize that movies like these are not made any more. This is film history.

Therefore the rating is 8/10 for entertainment, 1/10 for quality and 10/10 for accents.

The story here, which takes place during the cold war, concerns a Russian scientist trying to defect to the west (via Sweden) with his top secret formula which, so we're led to believe could potentially shift the balance of power to the Russians if they were able to decipher it.

As it turns out, the altruistic and benevolent old scientist who has dreams of his formula making the world a better place, is tricked by the Russians who, via a staged rescue attempt, convince the naive old chap that he has in fact been flown into Sweden where he can complete his work in safety. Predictably riled by the situation however, the CIA resolve to send in a squad of Swedish Ninja (!) to retrieve him from behind enemy lines.

Will these daring masters of death be successful in their mission? Hmmm, well you'll have to watch to find out.

What can I say? Well for starters, this film is certainly noteworthy in that it was the first ever Swedish Ninja film to be released to a world wide audience. It's actually admittedly very refreshing to see a European take on the Ninja genre and the differences in their portrayal from the American and Oriental representations of these stealth assassins in other films. Here they are portrayed more like the SAS than some of the mystical/magical and virtually indestructible warriors in other ninja fare. In fact, not giving too much away but the ninja in this film are shown to suffer human fallibility's just like any other combat soldier. The film must also claim the accolade as probably the goriest ninja movie I have ever watched (in the full uncut version at least) with a fair bit of the old red stuff a'flying throughout (often in glorious slow motion), again, a very welcome aspect indeed.

However, even with the above in mind, the film has to be said to be a sadly average affair overall with far too little ninja action on offer. The martial arts are very poorly executed throughout and as it happens the ninja themselves mostly resolve to utilising semi automatic weapons to take care of business.....a somewhat odd and noisy choice for these supposed masters of stealth perhaps?

I've read a lot of reviews praising this for being a 'bad' movie as in the 'so bad it's actually good' variety. I have to disagree though. OK so the film is no masterpiece on any level but the film makers were certainly not incompetent (as is a director of such similar fodder as Godfrey Ho for instance) and obviously put a lot of effort into this for which they should be commended. It just sadly fails to enthral as they would have hoped for which is a real shame.