In den Klauen des C.I.A.

In the spirit of the greatest possible generosity one might observe that this is very low-budget, and unquestionably made very quickly and cheaply to presumably turn a fast profit. In that same spirit of greatest possible generosity one might assume that at some point after shooting wrapped - whether in editing, recuts for international markets, dubbing, or any other number of ways after the fact - the original completed picture somehow got hopped into mincemeat, effectively destroying what it could have been under the best circumstances. However magnanimous one might be, however, nothing changes the fact that 'Made in China,' also known as 'Ninja in the claws of the CIA' is a godawful, unwatchable mess.

In fleeting, irregular spurts, some of the action sequences look okay. Nothing else about this movie comes off well. Pick your adjectives: weak, flailing, unconvincing, poor, inattentive, careless, tactless, blunt, sloppy, crude, hopeless, dubious, pointless, nonsensical, and more. Pick an element of the production: dialogue, characters, scene writing, narrative, plot development, dubbing, acting, direction, cinematography, transitions, sequencing, editing, continuity, consistency, stunts, choreography, costume design, hair, makeup, filming locations, production design, art direction, music, special effects, sound effects, sound design, sound editing, and more. Now mix and match your adjectives and film elements at random, and voila! - the story of 'Made in China.'

So you've come across this feature, and something has impelled you to make a note of it for later, or to watch on a whim. Most likely, you're just very curious, not least of all in light of the alternate titles. Well, let me lay to rest any notions that may have entered your mind in connection herewith: 'Made in China' is utter dreck, only ever ranging from "bad" to "appalling." There is no entertainment value here, not even if your intent is abject mockery. This is without a doubt one of the worst films ever made, completely worthless and irredeemable. Please do yourself a favor and avoid this.

This film features absolutely no ninjas, in the claws of the CIA or otherwise. What it does have, however, is one of the most stupid and disjointed plots I have ever seen in a martial arts film—and that's saying something! A Russian defector has developed a method of combining martial arts with self-hypnosis that renders the user impervious to pain and able to resist sexual persuasion; however, he is shot before he can reveal any of his secrets to the CIA. Still, not to worry.... 'cos it turns out that there's already a guy in the US—a fighter named John Liu (played by John Liu)—who knows how to do exactly the same thing (which begs the question, 'Why didn't they go to him first?).

Liu is recruited against his will by the US government in order to teach their operatives his technique, but after going along with the idea for a while—allowing him enough time to hook up with sexy computer boffin Caroline and show off his skills in some pretty impressive fight scenes—our hero decides to cross the border to Mexico and freedom, along with his new ladyfriend and a briefcase full of top-secret documents that the CIA will do anything in order to retrieve...

Jumping from Hong Kong, to the US, to Mexico, France and finally Spain, this film is quite literally all over the place; in fact, the stilted narrative structure makes it seem as though three different films have been thrown into a blender and then edited back together by a blind man. By the crazy finalé, in which John gets to fight masked CIA agents at an airport before tricking the chief bad guy with the old 'grenade in the briefcase' trick, viewers will have been treated to umpteen moments that, although technically inept and poorly acted, are truly awesome in their awfulness.

Check out John as his incredible trance technique is put to the test by sexy CIA agent Susan; watch in amazement at the sheer crassness of the 'press-up in the park' scene; cheer as John nonchalantly blows up a jeep full of innocent soldiers; marvel at how quickly John forgets Caroline and hooks up with a new girlfriend in France; be astonished as a ceramics shop is laid waste by high kicks and punches; and delight at the dumb ending in which John and ex-foe Wong (Casanova Wong) fly off into the distance together having finally defeated the enemy: Ninja In The Claws Of The CIA might be crap, but it's thanks to unbelievable scenes like these that it still manages to be fairly entertaining crap.

Ninja In The Claws Of The CIA has nothing to do with ninjas. However, don't let that discourage you. Ninja In The Claws Of The CIA is a vehicle for John Liu. It's written, directed, produced and acted by John Liu. That means that this movie is all about John Liu. His character is also named John Liu that is a martial arts instructor that is a master of his own brand of martial arts. Once this special brand of martial arts and hypnosis is being used by the Russians, John Liu is recruited by the CIA to train soldiers in this martial art. The rest of the plot to the movie is convoluted as Hell. Probably because John Liu had a hard time wearing all these creative hats and didn't have enough money. The movie in style is a cross between old school kung fu flick and 80's Cannon action movie (except with a smaller budget than a Cannon flick). There is a whole lot of outrageous stuff happening and lots of action. In addition to kicking tons of ass, he gets a lot of it from the ladies too. Danny Lee (from The Killer) appears in the beginning of the movie and the fight scenes are top tier. This movie has a lot of flaws and looks really cheap. If you love 70's/early 80's Hong Kong and Taiwanese martial arts cinema and can't get enough of the Chuck Norris movies and love the shortlived Ninja craze in the early to mid 80's then this is the movie for you. It's got John Liu, and that means you are guaranteed some good kung fu.

I saw this film and the only good bits were the kicking abilitities of John Liu, Casanova Wong, and Jose Maria Blanco. But the story, man, why did John do this to himself? He ain't the type to have love scenes, especially with two girls like the ones I saw. This should've been a way better flick for a 70's chop socky star like Liu.

John Liu apparently made some good money at the beginning of his career. He then seemed to blow it all on some self- produced, directed and starring films that enabled him to travel and have love scenes with white girls. Way to go, John! So when a movie is made for those reasons then how good can it be? The answer is – this bad.

The only thing that kept me watching this movie was trying to decide the worst part. It was a close tie for every part as the worst. The top three in my opinion are the simulated oral sex in the woods, that Roger Paschy looked prettier than some of the woman, and Casanova Wong. Casanova seems to "act" in every scene as if he was in a comedy. But why be critical? I will call it a tie for every scene as the worst scene.