Woodchipper Massacre

You'd think with a name like 'Woodchipper Massacre', you were in for some really cheap video nasty. Well, it is cheap, but I don't know about how nasty it is. There's about as much sadism and gore in the film as there was in Weekend at Bernie's..

I somewhat get the feeling that the title was foisted by the distribution company who released this thing on VHS..

It ended up reminding me more of something John Hughes would have made if he'd only had a budget of 400 dollars, could only get amateur actors, and had decided on a somewhat darker plot than in the films he did become famous for making. It's three kids, each a funny kid stereotype, whose parents aren't around that week, finding themselves committing woodchipper misdeeds.

And despite the amateurish execution, it's all pretty fun and funny.

I've never actually seen this film but can tell you one thing about its production. While a comedy/oldies radio DJ in 1988, I got a call from the production company. They asked if I'd write and record a bit they'd drop into the soundtrack as sounds eminating from a TV (the television screen itself would never be shown). I said sure, wrote a parody of '50s sci-fi monster clichés, rounded up some sound effects and called in another DJ, Pam Landry, to play the female part. As she happened to be on the air at the time, she put on a long song, joined me at the mike in the production room and we cut the voicetrack in a single take. Giggling, she then went back to her show while I mixed in the goofy sound effects. We'd have never done it if we'd known that "Woodchipper Massacre" was going to be such a turkey -- but, then again, we never got paid for our efforts, either! -- Gary Theroux

Jon McBride may not have money, but damn can he make an entertaining film! WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE is a lot of fun! This film is full of hilarious dialogue and characters. It's one of the most macabre and original premises for a film I can think of. This isn't exactly a horror film. It isn't exactly anything, though I suppose some may describe it as a black comedy.

It's pretty much about these kids whose relative comes over to take care of them. She turns out to be rather cruel to them and they end up accidentally murdering her, and they have to dispose of her body in the woodchipper. Afterward, a related family member of her shows up and the craziness really picks up! Keep in mind that this is not a good film by any means. It's poorly acted, poorly lit, and very poorly shot. However, it is also self-conscience of all this and, rather then drift into camp territory, it goes all the way. This may be bad, but at least it's good natured and at least it's funny. It's also never boring. If you want to watch a really entertaining film, I recommend you check this out!

This movie was shot on video in 1988 as Jon McBrides second feature. Shot on a Panasonic AG-450 S-VHS camcorder, and using local actors, friends and family Jon made a masterpiece. Well written and scored by Jon, the video was edited and distributed nationally in 1989. I rented this movie in the early 90's and it inspired me to take my hobby of video and take it another level. When I realized that anyone with the talent and ambition could actually make a movie and have it out there for millions to see I pursued television. Jon went on to make many other movies and appear in several other TV shows, Soaps, and even a Michael Jackson video! Little Tommy grew up to be an Emmy award winning writer for daytime drama. Jon had a good eye for talent. Most recently, WOODCHIPER MASSACRE was featured on the national syndicated show, "Videobob's Stupid Movie of the Week". The was a hit and one of the best ratings grabber for the show. - VB

"Woodchipper Massacre" is a classic example of a movie where one will be conditioned to expect certain things given the title, and director Jon McBrides' track record. But it's not an over the top splatterfest with a high body count. McBride, approaching the material like a sitcom, instead makes it a nearly bloodless dark comedy.

Three children: Jon (played by the writer / director), Denice (Denice Edeal), and Tom (Tom Casiello) have their Aunt Tess (Patricia McBride) forced on them when their dad (Perren Page) goes out of town on a business trip. She's a grumpy, moralizing holier than thou type, and is pretty insufferable. When she accidentally dies, the kids realize that the means of covering their asses is within reach...

It's understandable if you initially feel frustrated with this one, and think you were suckered in by false advertising. But if you are able to finally appreciate the movie for what it is, and not fret over what it isn't, it does provide some fairly amusing entertainment. The filmmaking is actually not that bad for a micro budget "shot on video" effort, although the music score is so godawful that it's a gas. The performances are hilariously absurd, although these characters do grow on you after a while. The scenario eventually turns into a time honored "beat the clock" sort of deal, as you wonder if the kids will be able to cover up their assorted crimes before Dad can return home early from his trip.

Decent entertainment with some blackly humorous moments.

Six out of 10.