Draculas Witwe

The young owner (Lenny Von Dohlen) of a waxworks in Hollywood receives six instead of five ordered chests with Romanian antiques. He does not know that Vanessa (Sylvia Kristel), widow of Count Dracula, sleeps in the sixth chest.

Why does this have such a terrible rank on IMDb? I have given it double, simply to spite those people who voted it so poorly. Seriously, people, this 1980s horror-comedy is worlds better than 99% of the films that come out today, and you still rank today's movies above a 5. Geez!

Sadly, Sylvia Kristel (who you may know from multiple Emmanuelle films) passed away recently (October 2012). She really tears it up in the titular role. But Lenny Von Dohlen is no slouch, either, adding the necessary comedy bits. (You hopefully know him from "Twin Peaks" -- and if not, you should.)

The only reason I am commenting on this dumb '80s B-movie is because this is the first R-rated movie I rented at the video store when I was 14 back in 1990. It wasn't the first R-rated movie I saw in my life, but I remember this was the first one I rented and got away with renting at 14. So I will always remember this stupid piece of filth. I was hoping for loads of nudity and plenty of sex scenes back at that age. I spent the whole time fast forwarding to "the good parts", but alas there really weren't any. There is very BRIEF nudity in here and ZERO sex. Oh yeah, the story sucks too and its not scary or interesting in the least bit.

Okay, since I retired I have a LOT of those idle hours, and I'm happy to find amusing moving-picture shows like this one to fill them.

That being said, what is with the incessant synthsizer/organ/whiney thingy playing EVERY SECOND of the movie?

Some scenes call for music, others don't. The music guy for this video never blinks his ping-pong eyes. His philosophy is "Hey, don't forget this is scary -- Hey, don't forget this is supposed to be scary -- Hey, Hey. Hey! HEY!"

My first six wives didn't make this much noise. Even during the disembowelments.

My advice: Turn the sound off, and turn on the captions.

When a film is titled "Dracula's Widow", and we see the title character seducing and killing a guy within the first 5 minutes, what's the point of having nearly half the running time taken up by a police investigation that can only eventually lead to what we already know from the start?

Also, I thought that getting bitten by a vampire wasn't enough to make you a vampire, you also had to drink blood from the vampire that bit you. Ah, never mind, it seems that every movie in this genre is making up its own rules.

Sylvia Kristel is pretty bland in a role that a better actress could have done MUCH more with, wears an awful wig, and doesn't provide any nudity either. The special effects are mostly terrible - when Kristel is in full-beast mode, she looks more like a werewolf than a vampire! The lovely Rachel Jones, as the hero's girlfriend, is one of the film's few bright spots. (*1/2)

I saw this film back in 1989 and bought it at a video store for $1.00. I feel the same way about this film as I did back then: it's craptacular!

The SFX is crappy (ESPECIALLY the make-up)and a lot of the plot is garbage (If Vanessa was so much in love with her husband, how could she not know that he was dead?)and the acting is just HORRIBLE!!! (Sylvia Kristel is just BAD!!!).

Still...

It makes for a fun evening! Just great for a horrible horror movie fest!