She - ... eine verrückte Reise in die Zukunft

I can sit through some pretty cheesy flicks, and I like Sandahl Bergman, but this movie is one of the most horrendous pieces of garbage I've ever been exposed to. I have apparently blocked most of the movie out of my mind, in order to save myself from ever having to remember the worst parts. But I do remember my reaction, which was, "Oh ... my ... gawd. I had no idea that anything could be so bad."

Ranks right down there on my "Avoid At Any Costs" movie list, alongside "Little Voice" and "Cattle Annie & Little Britches." Run, do not walk, far away from this film. In fact, run away screaming.

This is exactly what bad movies are supposed to be: a magnificent accident; bizarre; terrible dialog; insipid acting; but most importantly, uncontrived. Not like that Troma crap. Troma wishes its movies were bad, but all I see are contrivances: people who try to pawn off badly made bad movies as something special, like She. She is everything you want and more. Badly executed scenes for even more badly conceived plot points. Terrible costuming including spiked football helmets intended to look "post- apocalyptic". Male sexual fantasies enacted on screen, masquerading as female empowerment. But through all of it, an effortless "badness" that leaves one questioning, simply, "how?". How did this make it to film? How did it actually get made, and who actually looked at the final cut and said 'yep, it's just like I imagined it. Trust me, this is a golden turd. It's the reason we bother to watch terrible movies.

(1984) She FANTASY/ SCIENCE FICTION ACTION/ COSTUME/ COMEDY

Adapted from the novel by H. Rider Haggard co-written and directed by Avi Nesher that has Tom (David Goss) and Dick (Harrison Muller) and their sister, Hari (Elena Wiedermann) arriving on a barge to set up shop and sell items along other people around them. Unbeknownst, Nork raiders led by Hector (Gordon Mitchell) were going to barge in and terrorize them, knocking and injuring the two brothers out and kidnapping their sister, Hari at the same time. And by the time they attend the first village they see, they then met a woman, who succeeded in drugging both of them. And by the time, Dick comes to he is already chained up while lady who drugged their food informed him, he sold Tom to her goddess "She" (Sandahl Bergman). It is their she happen to select him to walk through a straight line through a bunch of spikes blindfolded while She's small army shove him for the purpose of getting himself spiked. And by the time Tom makes it through and just when She's right hand woman, Shenda (Quin Kessler) wanted to end his life, She stops her and leaves him lying on the ground unconscious. And by the time Tom is nursed back to health, he tells the helpful stranger his objective, which was to save their kidnapped sister, and he tells him the only person most likely to do that was She since Tom has no idea where the Nork Valley is located. So Tom goes back to the same tent where he was drugged to free his brother chained up before he thwarts She worshipers, kidnapping her for directions. And one of the first things that happened was they get themselves mugged by mutants while they were sleeping, placed into an incinerator machine that is reminiscent to the "Star Wars" movie before they were saved and freed by She's loyal sidekick and their army. It is from their she decides to follow and help them despite having to go through many other strange groups and cults such as zombie men/ women with fangs; men wearing monks wardrobes worshiping a guy named Godan (Gregory Snegoff) during their journey.

The SHE movie starring Ursula Andress from 1965 and this one are two different kind of movies, for the only thing both movies have in common is the fact that both SHE characters hate men and were sacrificing men, the direction or approach are different as the SHE in this movie, she and her female sidekick and then the army cooperates with the stars of Tom and Dick (something from a child's book) to rescue their sister. In other words, the SHE character is used as a backdrop. There is also only a single nude scene throughout, and that is the actress of SHE herself Sandahl Bergman to which the only thing showed are her breasts for she does not make out with no one.

The land of the unused wardrobe, misfits from Ork, Cheeks falling out of loin clothes, war of the pronouns, or what do we settle for after Conan. I really like Sandahl Bergman and wish she had a better agent to get her the parts she deserved. She was the only one who knew how to act in this movie. She could have started her own acting school with the actors from this movie.

Mix together sword-and-sorcery and post-apocalyptic elements, add a dose of political allegory (note the Communist and Nazi symbols), a contemporary music score and some surreal moments that seem to have come straight out of Monty Python (a bridge guard who multiplies every time you chop off one of his limbs) and you have this bizarre film that is neither a straight adventure nor exactly a spoof. It suffers from an overly episodic structure, but it benefits from Sandahl Bergman and Quin Kessler as the two muscular, beautiful Amazon warriors who are as proficient with a sword as with any other weapon. Both actresses are perfectly cast and do their roles justice, capturing the right "always-ready-for-a-fight" mentality. How anyone can give this film a "1" when there are, at the very least, these two amazing women to look at is beyond me! (**)