Barbarian Queen II

Ok, I'll admit it. I'm a Lana Clarkson fan. Her torture scene in "Barbarian Queen" was one of the best mainstream "B" movie bondage scenes ever. Lana can moan and twitch with the best of them and make it look like fun. "Barbarian Queen II", supposedly the sequel to the first film, really doesn't have anything to do with the original. None of the characters from the first film are back and Lana is the only returning actor, and even her character's name has been changed. Like the first film, you can see most of it in fast-forward mode on your VCR and just hit play whenever you see Lana in a dungeon.

In this film, Lana is a noblewoman whose evil brother usurps the crown and gains rule over the land. Lana escapes into the woods and gains the friendship of a band of woman warriors by defeating their leader in a mud wrestling match (Lana gets topless at the end of it). They attack the castle in an attempt to restore Lana to her rightful rule. Unfortunately, the attack is defeated and Lana is captured. Those who have seen the first film will appreciate these scenes.

Lana is (again) bound to an upright rack, though initially clothed this time. The torturer makes a brief speech before removing her top. Just as he is about to begin the day's activities, a young girl enters the room stands in front of the rack and announces "I will enjoy this part when I am queen." Lana retorts and the torturer starts his demonstration of the new rack. This time, instead of a silver hand with a needle embedded in the finger pricking Lana's body, the rack itself is lowered onto a bed of sharpened spikes. This shot would've been much better if we could've seen a full-view of Lana tied to the table. Instead we have a profile of Lana's head and the other two actors bending over into the shot. Obviously, Lana is NOT tied to the table but is just leaning over, too. Such a waste of potential.

Anyway, while everyone is away at dinner, Lana manages to free her hands and escape. She's soon recaptured while trying to decide what to do with a magic sceptre (apparantly the source of power) and is sentenced to death by torture. Just as this movie is "Barbarian Queen II", so too we get to see "Lana On The Rack Twice" and I'm glad we do. I have to give Lana credit for these two movies and their torture scenes. She really does do a good job of playing the strong defiant torture victim, though I wish the second rack scene had been a bit longer with more build-up and drama. Same with a later scene where the young girl places a spider on Lana's arm as Lana is on her back on another rack (or perhaps the same rack rotated horizontally). It would've been a better scene if Lana's character had been conscious and could squirm as the spider is placed on her arm and crawls up her shoulder. It could've made the similar James Bond scene look like amateur film.

"Barbarian Queen" and "Barbarian Queen II" were made several years apart and in that time Lana Clarkson became more "womanly". Don't worry - they're real. And they're spectacular. I'm hoping that Lana can be convinced to do a "Barbarian Queen III" and give us 3 long rack scenes, if she's still got the body for it. Lana, if you see this, hit the gym and let's get one more film on that filmography, girl. Do it for your fans. We're counting on you.

Anyway, Lana is eventually freed by a knight and they go on to defeat the evil ruler and liberate the land. You can take her top, but you can't take her FREEDOM!

Lana Clarkson is back as A barbarian Queen (her name's different) in this Z-grade flick. The tale has something to do with a queen being outcast and joining up with other rebels to fight the king and his snotty brat of a daughter to get a magic scepture, but you didn't choose to watch something called Barbarian Queen 2 looking for plot did you? Copious amounts of T&A are what you're after, perv. Fortunately, it has a liberal dose of those. But it seems Lana spent more on her chest than the film makers spent on the movie. There's cheap, there's low-budget, there's NO budget, and then there's Barbarian Queen 2. Pretty watchable late at night while in a drunken stupor though. We'll miss you Lana, it's sad that a piece of excrement felt the need to take your life.

My Trash movie grade: D+

Let me say up front that this is NOT a great film. No Oscar nominations, probably none of the cast was ever in an award winning film. What this is, is your basic raunchy action flick, complete with bouncing bare bosoms. This is late night cable TV fare, watch it for free when you can, and be glad you're not watching the Ya Ya Sisterhood movie. Lana Clarkson is more than up to the task of providing the bouncing boobies frequently throughout the movie. The plot is stale and formulaic, the acting stiff, but there's still that charm of scantily clad amazon warriors led by their rather randy queen in a revolution against the Great Evil which is in power. This is from the eras before Hollywood became so concerned with accusations of smut mongering, the films of the last decade or so have been lacking the delightful skin scenes which used to be a standard component of such films. If this film were being made today, the amazons would be covered much more thoroughly and Ms. Clarkson would not share her bountiful charms with us. If it sounds like I miss those days, I do. Many a mediocre film was made worthwhile by a liberal splashing of young nubile skin. Don't watch this for an example of great cinema, watch it for young lovelies on display.

5 out of 10 for obvious reasons.

Actually this wasn't that bad. Lana Clarkson is lovely as usual and yes there are plenty of topless shots, but what set this b-grade sword and sorcery tale apart is the other actors. Rodger Cudney is a great villain as always and somehow manages to maintain his dignity no matter how awful the situation. Greg Wrangler does a nice job as the conflicted love interest and best of all is the young Cecilia Twerina as the evil little Tamis. Who the heck let a kid on this picture? Who cares? she's great.

The plot is simply, Athalia's father, the king, may be dead and the evil Ankaris wants the throne, but needs the magical scepter to hold it. For some reason, never really explained, Hofrax (Cudney) is helping him. Tamis is Ankaris's wicked daughter. OK, the budget is obviously low, but the film doesn't look that bad and the performers appear to be trying. Note the convenient barrel of water that spills off the back of the wagon so Althalia and a barbarian babe can mud wrestle!! the fights aren't too badly staged and the plotting is pretty decent. Chris Young tries hard to convey a sense of epic with the music.

Athalia refuses to divulge the secret, in case her Father is still alive, and gets tortured by Hofrax and Tamis!! All together for the rack sequence and spider bite-ewww! Orian (Wrangler) rescues Athalia nd together they unite, literally and then the King's warrior's return and it's off to strike for justice! I won't reveal the fate of Ankaris and Tamis, but it is rather moving.

All in all this is a good b-movie with attractive performers and plenty of fun for all.

Well, this film is what it is. Some of the criticism is a bit overwrought. Yes, the plot is odd, and the production values are low. I would describe it as campy rather than just simply bad. The filmmakers cannot be oblivious to what they are putting on the screen. In the sword fighting scenes, the actors don't really even try to make it look real. Lana Clarkson looked so beautiful here, and that is sort of the point, not the medieval plot and staging. I had forgotten that Miss Clarkson was the actress murdered by Phil Spector. So sad.