The Lord Protector

Okay, I haven't actually seen this film. But once upon a time I got a phone call from someone representing the producer of "Witchboard" and "Season of Fear" looking for investors for a proposed movie to be called "Lord Protector." They told me they had already lined up Charlton Heston to narrate, and were offering roles to F. Murray Abraham and Michael Rooker. They mailed me a prospectus and everything, but in the end I passed. I wonder if I would have made good on my investment? I really should try to find this and see how the movie turned out. I'd probably be a lot more interested if they'd really ended up with Michael Rooker.

Charlton Heston does a fine job narrating this fantasy film featuring an other-wordly plot and some neat special effects. Patrick Cassidy (David's brother)stars along with Jay Underwood (The Boy Who Could Fly). The entire cast seems to be having fun, playing their parts with tongues planted firmly in cheek. Of course, this sort of G-rated fare is produced primarily for the kid demographic, but grown-ups can enjoy it too.

Narrated by Chuck Heston, you can tell he did only one take on some of the entries due to the inflection. Musetta Vander has one short scene, love ya Mu, wish there were more of you in this! Cassidy tries hard, and keep up the effort, but I have to say that Jonathan Fuller's performance makes the film watchable. If you're into D&D and renaissance festivals, you might find this fun. One of my best friends lost his shirt investing in this, but he has since gotten back on his feet. Yes, the producers had done a number of successful films in the past, and everyone is allowed a turkey or two. I just wish it hadn't been this one. I wish I could give it more than 5 stars, but 3 of them are because of John as Malthon/Nohtlam. The bit with the hand that has a mind of its own is a blast. I noticed they fixed some of the soundtrack issues when they re-named the film, and more of a back story would have helped. Still, with a few disjointed scenes and all it is a fun escapism film.

LORD PROTECTOR is kiddie fare, but for whose kids? Obviously shot for television or STV, this amateurish rehash KRULL has several stock characters -- a magician, an assassin, a warrior, a scientist -- on the trail of something or other in order to defeat the Dark Forces about to be unleashed on their planet. Badly written, acted and staged in available California locations like municipal parks and a ranch, LORD PROTECTOR has nothing to recommend it, not even as a time waster. Jay Underwood is the only "name" actor, and most people, especially the intended audience of five year olds, are not likely to remember him from such ancient Disney fare as NOT QUITE HUMAN. A no-name actor playing a magician in an ill-fitting silver wig at least plays it with tongue planted firmly in cheek, while those around him act as if they are in a dinner theater production of KING LEAR. I was hoping at least for a decent action or special effects sequence. Alas, the action sequences are pathetically staged and the few special effects are those old fashioned painted-over cartoon gags we used to see in 1950s and 1960s fantasy flicks, like Bert Gordon's THE MAGIC SWORD. The filmmakers planned a sequel that mercifully never came to be. Often, such cheap Hollywood back-lot productions use a combination of legit and porn actors. I kept myself occupied during the film's seemingly interminable running time, trying to figure which was which in this one. I didn't have much luck.

With Olivia Hussey as the voice of the spirits and Charlton Heston doing the narration The Dark Mist is a hit or miss satire of a fantasy film. The trouble is that the players take it a bit too seriously at times and miss the points where they're supposed to mug for the cameras.

One of Jack Cassidy and Shirley Jones's sons Patrick is in the lead and title role. He's giving out Cassandra like warnings about the current king Ronald Hale tapping into the dark forces for his power. When his warnings aren't heeded, Patrick goes off and gathers a group of followers as per an ancient prophecy to stop Hale.

The Dark Mist has a few good moments, but someone with a grounding in comedy was needed to get the maximum results. That was what they didn't have at the helm.

Kids should like it though.