Hellblock 13

Let it be said: This movie isn't very good. It runs the gamut from boring to stupid to ugly to cheap. Sometimes it achieves all four of those things at once.

It's an anthology flick with three short stories, but they move so slow you'll feel like you're watching a six hour pain-fest. In the first unengaging tale, a woman's kids are missing, and some dull things happen. Then there's "White Trash Love Story", by default the best segment in the movie, although it moves so slow you'll be asleep before the pretty good effects at the climax. Then there's the embarrassing tale of the over-age bikers who try to resurrect the late "Big Rhonda", mainly through some "hot" girl-on-girl action.

The film's saving grace is the beautiful Debbie Rochon's fun performance as the jailed serial killer Tara, who spins the pathetic tales of "terror". Luckily this movie is available on DVD, so you can skip directly to her parts in the movie.

But you're not gonna wanna even watch that much, because this movie really stinks. It falls below even Troma's admittedly low quality standards. Perhaps if they packed it with ideas like "Tromeo & Juliet" and gave it a sense of humor it would have been bearable, but as it stands, it is a big juicy crap burger.

Now don't get me wrong i do love my ham low-budget and low-brow horror but this is really quite wack stuff even at your most haphazard silly level. Three relatively boring short stories told by a woman on death-row to her prison guard just before her execution.... incidentally the girl who's on death-row who tells the "stories" is fit and ...er...yeh...is probably about the only decent thing in this forgettable film. The three short stories that are told are simply very ,very , very weak stuff and frankly just straight up uninteresting. The first story is so painfully acted by everyone involved its a relief once it's over ...the mundane "suspense" of the story isn't helped by some awful camera continuity , wack editing . The one highlight admittedly is the slightly amusing second short story of a wife beating redneck....completely silly and seemingly made-up as they were filming storyline is reprived by it's bemusing off-the-wall ending. Third story...i dnno some biker devilish cult malarky promises something but again ends up crap.

Overall it's mostly an uninteresting , generally non-sensical bunch of stories filmed badly and directed badly , edited and sequenced in a way that struggles to convey any decent viewing. It really isn't worth the time or effort to make even the most passive of viewing ...even at this most botchit level of low-budget horror.

If you like anthologies in the style of CREEPSHOW, CREEPSHOW 2 and TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE, this is just for you.

It feature 3 great little stories (around 20 - 25 minutes each), with a decent wraparound story to it. It has a nice amount of gore in it as well, if that's your thing.

All the stories are good...that's the surprising thing - the third just edging it for me.

It feature Debbie Rochon (gorgeous as ever) and the original 'LEATHERFACE' Gunnar Hansen, in the wraparound tale which is good in itself.

I picked this up off ebay for a really small amount (£1.70, around $3.00) worth every penny, so if this sounds your thing, get on ebay or look on AMAZON.COM,and grab it...you should'nt be disappointed.

This is a great collection, even though it is clearly low budget! It is entertaining throughout, and even though it is clearly low budget, the first and second story holdyour attention throughout, and the third is voyeuristicly entertaining! The girl is the wraparound is beautiful, and is worth renting for her alone! A good collection, well worth renting!

Tales of murder and horror written by a serial killer (Debbie Rochon) on death row.

The first is a Susan Smith tale of a woman (Amy R. Swaim) who drowned her kids because her boyfriend didn't like children. No life-in-prison for her, or the boyfriend. BWahaha!

The next story is a redneck husband who beats his wife (Jennifer Peluso). Fortunately there is a witch living across the street. Unfortunately, the girl doesn't follow instructions very well.

Debbie ends with a story of a biker gang who perform a bizarre ceremony in a graveyard. Jasi Cotton Lanier and Brittany-Anne put on a spectacular show amidst the strange rituals. In the end Rhonda (Jennifer Peluso, again) does her job.

What a wild ending!