Robo Vampire

It wasn't until the end of this film that I realized it was essentially two movies, both of which on their own could have qualified as pure tripe. One is the the robot vs. vampire story that the title suggests. The other is a more straightforward good guys vs. drug gang movie. Although I have only seen the movie once, I believe you will find that the characters from the one plot line NEVER appear in the exact same shot with the characters from the other plot line. It really is two movies, edited together.

This movie is an absolute riot. I highly recommend it. The first time I saw the robot, I laughed so hard a friend had to pause the film to let me recover. The hopping vampires...oh my, they are perhaps the silliest things to appear in film since the 1950's. The whole thing makes Dr. Who look like it was done by ILM.

For those connoisseurs of bad movies, please get this film. You will not regret it.

This movie is so terrible that it is wrong for one to own it. it must be viewed then instantly given away.(Trust me you wont have the urge to watch it again!) I say it should be called the Ring because 7 days after making it all of the actors careers DIED! Check the filmographies...its true. The only one who had a career after this movie was uncredited in the film! (good decision)My vote for worst film ever and for that reason all should at least see it once! Remember pass it along don't keep it to yourself. I was given a copy just over a year ago and that copy is now circulating through North Carolina at last check. Enjoy!

A drug-lord recruits Chinese vampires to protect his business from government narcotics agents. When one of their people is captured, the authorities not only send in a rescue team but also create an indestructible cyborg to take on the enemy.

I knew it, I knew it! Although my copy of Robo Vampire names (blames?) someone called Joe Livingstone as director, everything I saw screamed Godfrey Ho. The insane, disjointed story (the result of two or more films badly spliced together); the crappy kung fu; the awful dubbing; the ridiculous special effects: Ho's inimitable touch was all over this nonsense.

Featuring quite possibly the worst RoboCop rip-off ever (the cyborg's suit is made from padded silver lamé), a hopping vampire in a rubber gorilla mask with fireworks up its sleeves (?!?!), a yucky scene in which a woman packs heroin inside the stomach of a dead animal, a female ghost who bares her breasts in order to distract her foes, and numerous badly stuffed dummies being thrown about in poorly choreographed fight scenes, this has to be one the most bonkers and least comprehensible efforts in Ho's canon. Consequently, it also proves to be one of his more entertaining efforts.

6.5 out of 10, rounded up 7 for IMDb.

ROBO VAMPIRE!

This one is so bad, it's good. Let's fry some brain cells together. Roll tape!

What an experience! Having watched this slice of Godfrey Ho action-trash the other day, I found myself to be both simultaneously enlightened and disgusted at just how insanely terrible and utterly scatter-brained this movie is. But best of all though, it's also incredibly entertaining. This is truly amateur alchemy in movie form and in it's own unique way is brilliant. For the uninitiated "Robo Vampire" is the hack-job work of none other than the great Godfrey Ho! A cinematic mad scientist/hack film director, whose specialty was making the MOST and the WORST martial arts films that any director ever has and he is very much the "Ed Wood of Kung Fu Cinema". The sheer awfulness of this mans body of work cannot be over-stated. Now that I've flattered Master Ho let me try to describe his movie: Robo Vampire. Upon first impression it looks like multiple movies (maybe as many as 3 different ones) have been sloppily edited and spliced together, just like many other Godfrey Ho titles seem to be, so don't expect anything in the way of a coherent plot. And as with any of Ho's movies you have their typically terrible and down-right stupid sounding dialogue (and over-dubbing it in English only makes it sound worse). But best of all is Godfrey Ho's habit of ripping-off popular American-made action films and done so in the most amateur and ham-handed way humanly imaginable. He flavored his own movies with elements that were obviously taken/plagiarized from other, better, movies. Such as "Ninja TERMINATOR" for instance. Yes, built right into the title sometimes, he made it that overtly obvious and did it often. But for ROBO Vampire, well obviously it's something of a ROBOCop rip-off. (NOTE* RoboCop was released the previous year.) If you see the artwork for this movie it literally has RoboCop's image plastered all over it, front and center, subtle. Definitely one of the most blatant examples of copyright infringement I can think of. And is that not the lamest and cheapest looking "robo suit" you've ever seen. As always, amazing production values from Team Ho! Yep, as he demonstrated for us many, many, times over the years, Godfrey Ho had a talent for making movies with a heavy hand... but had little in the way of actual talent. I also highly suspect drug use to be in the mix too, always just so damn incoherent, always.

Well now that I've wasted about an hours time, in conclusion, after having seen the unhinged brilliance that is "Robo Vampire"..... I can confidently conclude that no one else could cobble together a terrible (and incoherent) action film quite like Godfrey Ho. HE IS LEGEND. Make some more man!

Food-For-Thought: If this movie had an aroma, what would it smell like?

Off-hand I couldn't rightly say, but instinct tells me it would be a hideous amalgam of all that is highly odious. But honestly I'd love to hear some of the infernal combinations you guys could come up with. (Pinches his nose *tightly* closed.)

What do you get when you put two completely unrelated films together? You get the incomprehensible mess known as Robo Vampire, that's what! Seriously, this film is two films, one what basically incorporated an earlier film to pad out the film they were making. Robo Vampire is what they were making and I am not sure what the other film was, but it was obviously a film that did not feature any robot army men or vampires. Then again, the Robo Vampire portion of the film does not really feature any vampires either as it features what appear to be zombies and a ghost woman!

The story, oh boy, this is going to be a tough one. Seems there is a drug war going on and there are inexplicably zombies/vampires around so the drug dealers get the incredible idea to use these creatures to stop the drug agents from stopping them! Well, the drug agents create a cyborg to combat the vampires! Meanwhile, an agent is kidnapped after some priest who was hoarding cocaine was killed and another agent is sent to rescue her having a completely separate adventure than the vampires or the robot resides in!

The film is all over the place as it is a mashup of two films so one minute you are watching a robot battling hopping zombies and the next you are watching two people jumping out of a cable car. Not sure why they decided to fuse these two films together, but you do get a rather interesting mess to view.

So, this film is not good, but at least it's not boring. I mean, you start getting tired of a scene and then you are violently hurled into another completely random scene! The robot in the title looks like crap, basically a dude wearing tinfoil and oven mitts or something and he carries around a big gun that he can make come to him and that is about the extent of his powers. Not sure why they felt the need to deploy vampires against him as the rocket launcher took him out! Just a total mess of a film that relies on the viewer being able to meld two films that have nothing to do with each other together. Not an easy feat...