JAN:
You talk like Melanie Griffith And you dance like a drunken bear Your clothes would embarrass a Texan Ain't no diamond and I weep in despair, yes I do
FEB:
You live in a fantasy apartment Your dad is a Vietnam vet Where he listened to Rolling Stones records Met your mum, came back over here, you say he did
MAR:
You go to the mansion parties Where you talk to some god-awful geek And the old men with eyes in baggy circles Check your chest, don't hear when you speak, yes they do
APR:
I've seen all your qualifications You got them, you saucy one And the panting you don't hear me do, so I'll just keep going on and on, yes I will
MAY:
You take off your clothes on location You've got a cute set of pins You don't need a designer topless swimsuit You'll get an even sunburn, on your back, and on your legs
JUN:
And when the lights burn you're found in a tiz By the others of the film set When you strip I become randy But I'll never get your lips wet, no I won't
JUL:
You're in between thirty and forty Never acted your age Your body is no longer exciting But you're at that pay-bill stage, yes you are, yes you are
AUG:
You put on such airs and graces You look like Genghis Khan I'd rather have a race horse for Christmas It'll be a lot more fun, I won't barf, ha ha ha
SEP:
They say that when you get married It'll be to a millionaire Like Miss January, from Texas she came from And I wonder if I really care, yes I do, damn
OCT:
So Detroit has no shortage of nipples Two items looking like bags Both touched by a plastic surgeon To stop them from starting to sag, he tried
NOV:
So look inside the next Marie Claire Tells women just who they are But they won't stay young forever In this video there's no old age scars, cellulite, dyed hair do
DEC:
I know where you go to, my playmate I don't care what's inside your head I know about losers that surround you Cause I want to climb inside your bed
Do-do-do-da-da....(Just count yourself lucky it wasn't Rod McKuen)
