The 75th Annual Academy Awards

As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a GoodFella... sorry, I'll start again.

As far back as I can remember, I've been tuning into the Oscars; first the edited highlights while living in Barbados and stuck with CBC Channel 8, then the coverage on CNN (when they still carried showbiz stuff), and then when I returned to England, it was time to sit up late or get up early and watch them live. The Academy Awards, like them or not, still have a glitz and pull no other award show on Earth can match; the BAFTAs and the Golden Globes can try all they want, but no matter whether they come before or after, they'll always be mere appetizers to the main event.

This year's, back on BBC1 (who incidentally pretended that losing them to Sky didn't matter... okay, but why did they make such a fuss when they got them BACK?), was amazing not so much for the results - "Chicago" won Best Picture? Who didn't see that coming? - as for the fact that it only overran by about four minutes. Keep up the tight reins, folks (or maybe ensure that not all the nominated songs get performed again). The segments in between the awards with Jonathan Ross interviewing various Americans and Brits are always a cue for me to change the channel or mute it, but the rest of the show...

Five Bad Things:

1. The failure of Eminem to turn up and accept an Oscar for Barbra Streisand (E&B would have been a team for the ages).

2. The snubbing, for the most part, of "The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers."

3. The continuing prejudice of the producers (apparently if you're winning a major acting prize you can talk as long as you want).

4. Steve Martin's joke about Mickey Mouse being one of "America's leading black actors."

5. Jennifer Garner appearing alongside the aforementioned actor of colour (it must have been a Disney/ABC thing).

Five Good Things:

1. Jennifer Garner appearing and a) maintaining her dignity and b) being one of the best-looking women there (if she, Salma Hayek or Halle Berry are reading this...). No wonder she was nominated for an Emmy for "Alias."

2. Most of Steve Martin's other jokes (not least the one about Hollywood willing to work with actors of any age - "Young...[picture of Haley Joel Osment]... middle-aged... [picture of Natalie Portman]... or old [picture of Reese Witherspoon]").

3. Adrien Brody, for delivering the best acceptance speech of the night (sorry Michael Moore, but political statements do not count), and for not letting the opportunity to snog Halle Berry go by.

4. The fact that "Chicago" didn't win all the Oscars it was up for, sparing us from hearing "All That Jazz" 11 times.

5. The Oscars giving the Animated Feature award to the only non-American feature nominated (though non-Disney fans note "Spirited Away" was released there by... guess).

And I'll be watching again next year...

I loved the awards. I taped it because I know that my favorite actress, Olivia de Havilland, was going to be there. I was touched when they gave a standing ovation. She is a true living legend and she will be on earth for a long time to come.

Like a great number of other people I had mixed feelings whether the Oscars should be going ahead or not , it`s almost impossible to justify an extravaganza like the academy awards while there`s a war going on , but to their credit the producers kept it fairly low key with no massive self congratulation that we often see . And credit where it`s deserved to Chris Cooper and Adrien Brody for their dignified speeches . Brody especially won my respect as he mentioned his friend out in the Gulf . But of course there`s always someone who doesn`t know when to keep their mouth shut . Whatever the rights and wrongs of the Gulf war Michael Moore shouldn`t have been allowed to go on a political rant and should have been cut off long before he was , Jane Fonda didn`t bring heartfelt opinions to the Oscars so someone who`s not fit to lace Miss Fonda`s boots shouldn`t either . I did enjoy Steve Martin`s wisecrack about teamsters helping Michael Moore into the boot of his limo

And speaking of Martin I thought he was the best host the event has ever had. Barbed comments about red carpets , and France and Germany had me grinning , but I laughed out loud as he said that it doesn`t matter if you`re straight ( Camera cuts to Harrison Ford ) or Gay ( Camera cuts to Jack Nicholson ) . Martin then said he wasn`t going to mention the people he slept with ( Camera cuts to Nicole Kidman , Julie Andrews etc ) but the best line was about the gay mafia: " I don`t want to mention them in case I wake up with a poodle`s head in my bed " Here`s hoping Martin is the host for many years to come

As for the awards themselves THE TWO TOWERS was the only picture I saw last year that was nominated for Best Film so I can`t really comment if the awards were justified or not but I thought there was something fundementally wrong with the choice for best director . Obviously having sex with a minor and jumping bail isn`t a bad career move and it was nice to see some members sat in their seats shaking their heads when the winner was announced . You`ve also got to feel sorry for Martin Scorsese since the rumour mill has been whispering that GANGS OF NEW YORK was his last chance to pick up the award for best director . I was also shocked that the film didn`t pick up any awards on the night as Daniel Day Lewis was the hot tip for best actor . CHICAGO won best film which surprised me as it picked up a row of Oscars for technical achivements but then lost out to THE PIANIST for all the major awards

So a night of surprises and controversy . Let`s hope next year we`ll see Steve Martin hosting Oscar night where RETURN OF THE KING sweeps the board

In terms of the results happened more the way I wanted. Here's my take on the major categories:

Best Picture: Chicago deserved to win. Great movie (although NOT as good as Moulin Rouge). However, I think the top 5 should have been: Adaptation, Chicago, Far From Heaven, Frida, and The Hours. I think my favorite is Heaven, but Chicago should have won anyway.

Best Actor: NICOLAS CAGE SHOULD HAVE ONE!!! He did the most amazing, challenging performance I have EVER seen an actor do (except Ewan McGregor in M.R....I'm a fanatic). He was totally robbed, but then again I didn't expect him to win.

Best Actress: Victory for Nicole! Well-deserved-she was incredible in the Hours. Yet, my favorite was Julianne Moore for Heaven. Such an underrated movie in the academy's eyes, and she was unbelievable. But I'm really happy Nicole finally has an Oscar.

Supporting Actor: What can I say? Dennis Quaid is the winner hands down. But since he wasn't NOMINATED, Chris Cooper will have to do...actually he was really really good.

Supporting Actress: MERYL!! I LOVE YOU! I met her and she was incredibly sweet. Oh yeah, she did an amazing job in Adaptation. Catherine did extremely well too, though--just not quite the same.

PS~Steve Martin was hilarious, as usual. He was the same two years ago. It should just be all him, and maybe Billy Crystal too.

Steve Martin's insults made this presentation! In light of the recent war in Iraq, many celebrities dressed down and even did not show up. But Steve Martin made us all forget when he started randomly insulting actors and actresses in the audience.

Some of his lines made the actors in the audience literally gasp in astonishment. Here are some of quotes from his hosting performance:

"Movie stars can be straight (camera on Harrison Ford), or gay (camera on Jack Nicholson)." "He got to go in a hot tub with Kathy Bates - but who hasn't?" "And Queen Latifah - or as I like to call her, 'sequel money'!"

Martin was the best thing about this otherwise out-of-place Oscars that just seemed too watered down. I think it's important to respect those fighting for America and England, but as they say, "The show must go on," and this show BARELY went on.