Cheerleader Autopsy

OK, so it was independently made and the budget might buy you a round at your local bar, but it was still bad. But for the bare breasts shown throughout I don't think I would have lasted 15 minutes.

The story was entertaining, but the gratuitous gore was a waste. Could we not develop this a bit more and leave the gross-outs to the Russian army? But I guess some people like that kind of stuff. Too bad they are too young to be allowed to watch R-rated films.

Kudos go to the special effects people, they did their best I assume. Rumor has it that several of the cheerleaders were part of said team. I wish they had gotten more screen time. 4 of the 5 were pretty cute.

Would I have paid for this? No, and so I am very happy to report that a free copy is available for download if you go looking for it. If I ha burned it to disc it would have been a waste of $0.25. I guess if you count the electricity used in the viewing I have been ripped off.

OK I'll be honest.... I stumbled across this little...... GEM lets call it, since that sounds classier than TURD, while i was looking up cheerleader porn.... So why did I expect anything less than crap? (ooo if i got it looking for porn.. it HAS to be good... its a sign! its a sign!)

It's hilarious how every other movie recommended for people who enjoyed this title is a 10 star movie. First off i'd like to clarify that this is in no way a horror film, but purely a comedy for sick puerile freaks... hehehe :D

It only took me about 10 minutes to realize it was a stupid ass movie, and I have a rule where if its revealed to be total worthless trash before its a quarter done, then i just stop it and move on to something else, but in this case, it actually WAS somewhat amusing and at a running time of only 80 minutes i figured "why not" It may be low budget, but it shines through as your typical drunken party movie. the atmosphere is just like "beerfest" only slightly more stupid, slightly less funny, and slightly sicker, and with a production name of "stinky pictures", expect a lot of fart jokes.

The director however is not inept. The movie is self consciously stupid; the huge penis transplant, people getting shot and instantly turning to charred corpses in the next scene. The flashback sequence with the businessman is hilarious as a purposefully bad advertisement parody. The Cleverest funny line was when the janitor is spying through the bushes in front of the window and the 2 inside say "what was that?" ... "i dunno, but it sounded like a cow pissing on some leaves" ....heh heh... which indeed was an accurate description. it's like if someone knocks on the door; "Who is that" ... "I don't know but they seem to be at the door." ...yeaaah, though funny as it was I began looking at the clock saying "phew... hurry up and finish." at the 50 minute mark

It can in no way scare or shock, as the corpses in every case are obviously fake, and even though a legless 1 armed girl is sexually exploited and then snuffed, shes slutty, bitchy, and doesn't exist as a character but has the on screen presence of a self aware plot device. "I lost both legs and an arm and the side of my face is missing... but are my tits and ass still intact? .....good then I'm still sssexy" (I was quoting, not paraphrasing) Honestly, even Jesus or the Dalai Lama wouldn't be inspired to feel ANYTHING for the characters on screen. SO if the Dalai lama ever comes to your community, be sure to ask him to stop by for a few beers to confirm this.

Like another reviewer mentioned, a cool aspect of this film is how EVERY single character is a total degenerate bastard, and most of the characters DO have strong screen presence. The plot of "we're selling corpses to a dog food factory, and we now have to deal with a handful of dead cheerleaders and their coach, and the witness we clubbed to death" was pretty interesting, though the idea that any valable company could sustain itself on the mortuary of a small country town, or would find that a cheaper worthwhile means of acquiring meat, especially given the obvious legal and moral dilemmas, is absolutely moronic.

If this movie tried harder and wasn't so self consciously stupid, and had a more thought out plot, more wit.... and wasn't a piece of junk in general, it could have been a cult classic... but that would be another movie altogether. As it is, I can even see a fringe group being proud to own a copy, so If you decide to watch this movie thats one thing... but if you took the time to read this long ass review about it, and if you're a crude sick freak... then you HAVE to watch it, if only to avoid long ass reviews on movies such as "dark harvest." and "attack of the killer tomatoes"

So 1st off and most importantly, Cheerleader Autopsy is a cool title that does not live up to it's name at all.

You have a couple of cute cheerleaders in the film and only one of them gets naked, then the cheerleader part of the movie ends swiftly.

I was expecting more scenes of hot girls getting cut up, but it was not even that. Sure, some of the Autopsy stuff is fun, even laugh out loud at some points, but not enough to sustain the entire movie.

The film uses really cheesy dolls as cadavers and ironic only one of these dolls is shaped like a woman, in a movie celled Cheerleader Autopsy.

I'll give them credit for luring me in with a title that's false advertising.

A lot of other things suck about this movie, but let's stick with the fact that the movie's title seems to promise hot girls being cut up and it did not or could not deliver.

http://cinemagardens.com

What kind of low-life degenerate would come up with something so sleazy, so vulgar, so juvenile? Whoever is responsible for this pointless mess... I'll be honest, I'd kinda like to shake their hand. Cheerleader Autopsy is possibly the most Sub Rosa-ish movie I've come across. And by the way, that was meant as a compliment... I think.

A pitch-black humored, white-trashed story of a bunch of cheerleaders who are horribly (and unrealistically) mangled in a ridiculous-looking bus accident. The local mortician/sheriff, and his college drop-out nephew make it their business to prevent these bodies from ending up at the new dog food processing plant which opened across town. These low-lifes have their work cut out for them; especially since the mortician has Alzheimers, and the nephew is a half-wit. Although, compared to their pal, the janitor, I guess they're doing pretty good. We are subjected to the breaking of taboos, the creation of new ones, and of course, the breaking of them too. Not really a storyline or anything, Just a bunch of silliness, mostly involving badly-mangled corpses, or something equally repulsive. Cheerleader Autopsy is truly a new low in Z-grade cult cinema.

An awesome title for a B-movie if there ever was one, but I can see how this one could even rub most B-movie fans the wrong way. Hell, even most die-hard Sub Rosa fans (is there such a thing?) might feel they're above this one. Me? Well, I definitely laughed more than a couple times, but the disappointing truth is, Cheerleader Autopsy isn't nearly as shocking as it thinks it is, or as funny. This movie just ain't good enough to be as wacky and obnoxious as it is. Actually, it's quite terrible. And not in that humorous/outrageous way that makes B-cinema awesome. Although, Cheerleader Autopsy tried, and I honestly believe it meant well, but I'm going to have to recommend something a little more worthwhile, like Gore-met Zombie Chef From Hell, or Sick Girl. Or if you're determined to discover some shot-on-video, Sub Rosa craziness, at least pick up something with a little style, like Shatter Dead. As for Cheerleader Autopsy, it's not quite as good as the title suggests, but I've definitely seen worse. And if you're like me, and you find graphic, yet fake-looking castrations to be hilarious, you might not hate this movie. 5/10

at least it wasn't boring. The affects were fair to poor for a micro-budget film. The extras on the DVD were okay, but I was disappointed that there wasn't a commentary. It was short, and appropriately cheesy. It just didn't sing. Nothing sparked. Its just an average little indy horror flick. Many of Sub Rosa's other efforts are better.