Snake Man

I watched it on the sci-fi channel. I couldn't help laughing at the special effects and the story line. Stephen Baldwin was horrible in it! Bad acting overall from everyone in the movie! Sci-Fi should be sick with themselves about this load of garbage! The story goes pretty much like this, Some researchers go out in search of a fountain of youth that is supposedly somewhere in the jungle. But there is one problem though, to get to the so-called fountain of youth water they have to get past the deadly predator (the snake king), or should we say CGI King. The storyline as I mentioned earlier is totally silly, the snake doesn't even attack some of the people for some reason, what's up with that, maybe he knows them (they must be buddies! Come on, please!) Also when the snake kills the people, it looks ridiculous. Also you never understand why the snake has 3 heads. Please don't waste your time with this garbage!

It seems that many of the reviewers missed the point of this story, and that shaved a couple of points off of their review. Maybe they think they are entitled, as the characters did, to whatever they see in the world.

The premise is that a body is excavated/retrieved from a river, and the person was 300 yrs old when they died. Fountain of youth. Only catch is, the people that live there are in a symbiotic relationship with a huge dragon-looking snake, that later reveals two more heads. Then it suddenly has 5 or 6 heads. Very Hydra-esque. No explanation was given. Nor was one given for how the chieftan speaks English fluently, though it does make speaking with our heroine easier.

Baldwin shows why he is the third best actor in his family, (though probably the best human being), as he is the typical "jungle survivalist" tough guy. The girl is the real lead, and is decent. The corporate guys are all idiots who refuse to listen to the people they paid to guide them. The CGI is weak, and the natives range from hot babes to guys who look really out of place in the jungle. Not great, or even good. Typical Sci-fi fare.

Can bad movies ever get any worse? Maybe. But for the moment, Snakeman beats everything in its shear awfulness. The snake is just SO fake, even the one in Python would choke on its own tongue. The actors are bad, they couldn't act if there lives depended on it, even if they sold their souls to Sponge Bob Squarepants first. I don't understand why the many-headed snake is actually a good creature, it seems to enjoy tearing and ripping and killing people in various and imaginative ways, yet it gives the Mysterious Indian Tribe that Stinks its great gift of eternal youth... This mystifies me. The teams that are sent to the rather fake looking jungle seem to be well equipped with big and savage-looking automatic rifles, large vicious snakes are probably commonplace in the jungle... Not a good film, if it appears on your TV, switch the channel or it will take a little bite out of your intellect.

This was one hell of a stinker. Comparing this to an early Dr Who episode from 1960's Who had the worse scrip: The Snake King Who had the worse dialog: The Snake King Who had the worse acting: The Snake King Who was more predictable: The Snake King Who had the most fake special effects: The Snake King (This is going against cardboard cutouts, men in wetsuits, and obvious miniatures.) The Snake King did have one advantage over the Dr Who episode it was in colour.

It does have a good drinking game if you have a drink every bad line or when a henchman gets killed you are more likely to pass-out from alcoholic poisoning than pass halfway through the movie.

Most of the movies Sy-Fy does, reek of a fourth grade writing project and abysmal special effects. This movie may have the same problems, but I can't tell. The only way this movie could hold my attention the first time, is because I am absolutely infatuated with Jayne Heitmeyer on here.

I have probably seen this stinker a dozen times and I'll watch it a dozen more just because of Ms. Heitmeyer. I can't help it! Love the close ups. Love the way she looks at the camera.

In short, I am totally unqualified to judge this movie. Sorry.

One of these days I'll edit out everything but her and use it to replace the beautiful sunsets and mountain views we don't get here in Indiana.