The Scorned

OK, here's the plot. A lover's triangle/quarrel results in one dead woman. Her ghost comes back to extract revenge on the living. One by one she gets back at them. I couldn't "spoil" this movie because it's rotten anyway, not that I've given up anything here. The only sad part is that the movie didn't just line up all the actors and finish them off in the first two minutes of the movie, say with a large caliber machine-gun, then any hapless viewer would be spared the next 82 or 83 minutes of misery. We watch a bunch of former reality TV show stars try to act and find out they can't; not a one of them has an ounce of talent. Many of them seem to enjoy taking their clothes off, but a couple of them should have passed on this option. Whatever we see in this film doesn't compensate for the time wasted viewing it. The really big question is why this movie was made.

I can't say that I enjoyed this movie on a whole; the plot was cliché and full of holes, there were more than a few errors in filming, and it just generally sucked; but I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed Ethan Zohn's character. Now, some might say that I am being biased, due to my love of Survivor, but I found the other three former-Survivors characters flat and boring, just as I expected them. Ethan showed a real flare for acting, or perhaps a personal knowledge for the type of character(Ham), but it was excellent and refreshing. The only reason to watch this movie is to see Ethan's character, feel free to fast forward through the rest.

This was always going to be a terrible movie. No way around that. The only question was whether it would be just plain terrible or would it manage to reach previously uncharted heights (or depths) of awfulness. Not surprisingly considering the "talent" on display The Scorned does in fact go way, way beyond being simply terrible. This is one epically, monstrously, unimaginably terrible movie. The plot is stupid and makes very little sense. And the acting is uniformly pitiful. This has to be the worst cast assembled in movie history. For anyone who thought acting was easy let this movie serve as a rebuttal to that premise. These reality TV "stars" prove that acting is in fact hard work, especially when you have absolutely zero talent. And there is absolutely zero talent on display here. Not one performer comes across credibly, not a one. They're all so hideous that to single anyone out seems almost unfair. But the heck with being fair. Bob Guiney and Tonya Cooley should never be allowed to open their mouths in public again. This would be a great service to the human race. Their "acting" may be the most inept, pathetic endeavor in the history of humankind. They make the just routinely awful Jenna Lewis and Steven Hill look like Hepburn and Brando by comparison. A special mention also for Ethan Zohn who goes way too far in playing a bizarre, offbeat character. He needed to dial it down about a thousand notches or so. His character ends up being just the stupidest thing in a movie which is nothing but a huge, steaming pile of stupid. For all the "stars" of this movie their 15 minutes of fame is well and truly up. The tribe has spoken. It's time for you to go.

Not sure whom this was aimed at (one tag line being "Watch your favorite reality stars ... DIE!". Was that for fans or haters of reality TV? Plus does anyone even remember those people after those shows are of the air? Like the 15 minutes of fame are over, who are you again? But it would be unfair to scrutinize all of them. Because some of them seem to actually be able to act.

Not that there is much chance that they were going to show it in this movie, but I've seen worse. Story is pretty simple and you can see things coming a mile off. What is really interesting and might be a better story, is the making of the movie. Seems like a lot ruckus went down behind the scenes, which you only get a glimpse of in the making of section (second DVD). Looks like a reality TV crew was following the "real" crew around. For real! (the show has a promo on the DVD and is called "Kill reality") Seems like not everyone was happy about that ... watch the outtakes for that ... again the special features are almost more intriguing (in a car crash kind of way) than the movie itself