The Pit and the Pendulum

This was a train wreck. I don't know what the producer got for this film but he should have gotten 10-15 years for putting Poe's name on it. Filled with never-will-be actors. Terrible plot. My advice to the director: bury this one somewhere in New Jersey, get drunk and forget you ever read Poe.

This is one of the worst "things" I've seen for ages. I call it a "thing" because it is not a film or movie, but unfortunately it does exist so it gets credit for existing.

I loved reading Edgar Allan Poe's The Pit and the Pendulum, and hated torturing my poor eyes on this monstrosity. It has nothing to do with Poe's story. It doesn't even seem like they read the cliff notes before mashing there ill informed hands down on the keyboard. I wouldn't have much issue with it if it was titled something like The Spooky Homo-erotic Mansion Mystery or David Decoteau's Middle School Video Class Project, in the later case I'd give little David a grade of C for getting it done, but points must be taken off for being ever so boring and poorly acted, directed, written, shot, edited, scored and any other aspect you could think of.

This "thing" even falls short of late night soft core porn. It's not the funny kind of bad, it just is bad. If you like naked dudes touching and stuff... you might get it, but probably not. This is a movie made for nobody except for the people in it to try to please their parents by showing them art school wasn't a waste of money. It was... Failed

Don't watch it, burn it! Helen Keller would cover her eyes and ears if subjected to this horrid "thing". Booo! Boooooooooo!

Firstly, this has nothing whatsoever to do with Edgar Allan Poe or even the fabulously lurid and artistically hip Roger Corman flick from the early sixties.

Secondly, those expecting soft-core porn will be singularly disappointed. It's horribly coy and non-explicit and utterly redundant in it's puerile representations of homo-eroticism, lesbianism and sexual sado-masochism. Imagine those elements transplanted into an episode of the original Scooby Doo cartoon series and that just about illustrates the mentality.

Thirdly, if imagining a half-decent psychological-thriller, it fails on all counts. Nil psychology, zero thrills, null tension, zip suspense and nada logic.

If, however, you are on the lookout for something that is a dull, boring, atrociously acted, abysmally scripted piece of pointless junk, with no gore, no wit, no fun, no dynamic and lots of superimposed visual images of clocks and audio ticking, chiming and heartbeats on the soundtrack that will absolutely decimate your will to live, then this is the ideal ticket.

For a film to not even manage to tap the very outer reaches of the concept of exploitation cinema in order to generate the merest iota of entertainment value is some remarkable feat. And this film achieves that dubious honour. There is nothing to redeem it. Avoid.

Oh my! I'd like to know: Who finances these terrible movies? Who Does? When there's plenty of great directors and writers,out there, that even on the 'so called' Exploitation genre(if this is even an attempt to make an Exploitation film,since I'm not sure anymore!) could pull off some -at least- more stylistic, more erotic,more fun "guilty pleasure" type of pictures! And,who does not love to watch a real 'guilty pleasure' movie,once in a while,or even more than once a week?? But... This is just a waste! An offensive way of spending money to create virtually just, non Cinema, to damage Genre flicks' reputation, and ultimately to undress a bit morbidly, a few young actors, with broken dreams, and little talent, who try very hard not to feel sick in front of the camera. Why making such movies? And I'm a fun of cult stuff, of Horror,even of well done(and real) erotica,like certain great classic euro films from the 1960's/1970's! But this is just a misfire with no direction,and a true insult to whomever tries hard to make it in the industry. Don't ever think about renting it,even if you were a voyeur, these days,believe me, there's some excellent porn for any taste, which i give more credit for,than this ineptitude, for at least, being blunt, and deliver the thrills of what some people may enjoy watching,thinking to find it maybe more 'tastelessly produced and presented' in such productions. But,again,there's nothing here, just plain nothing. A true realm of Boredom! Maybe try to discover,instead, some new artsy erotic horror,because there's really a lot better in the Indy scene today, but not from Rapid Hearts or Regent,apparently,since,after checking their other titles,this project,which even does have the guts to say "inspired by the subliminal Edgar Allan Poe's novel", appears to be one of the better Titles available, according to other reviewers! Oh,well.. if this non movie, is what they have best to offer, maybe they should consider approaching a different business,quickly. Or, fire immediately who is in charge of making this type of choices over plots, and most of all,over directors/writers! Why would you keep giving a decent low budget to such abominable filmmaking? It is criminal. What a disappointment! What a cold,sad perception of cultural decadence,and lack of any sense or sensibility, you'd get by watching this one: Despair, that's actually, maybe,the best definition, to nail, exactly,how i felt while watching this,and even until its end,since i just wanted to be fair,and write what i was feeling with a clear mind,about these movies,that get made surprisingly so often,too often, and always, more and more awfully descending to a place of degradation. Please, Stop! And,people at Here or Logo Cable TV(showing often similar stuff): Please try to encourage movies, that do not make people feel ashamed of being gay, or of watching genre movies with a gay theme! The moral disservice and damage,done to their community, is huge, by showing, or even just endorsing such products! Sorry, i truly don't enjoy writing so badly about a film, I'd just like to see if they'd give a chance to much better stuff out there,so present at Festivals, or other events, that,sadly, does not even barely seen, by wider audiences.

The only thing good about this movie was the hot buff guys in their underwear. Unfortunately. I wanted to see how it ended. Otherwise, I would have stopped watching it.