Apologies for being harsh but there's one sin of sins in my book when it comes to movies, and that's being dull.
I watched grass grow for half an hour once, and compared with this movie, it was an absolutely riveting, tension-filled thrill ride.
The actors all feel as though they're waiting for their cues and then, when given them by some poor desperate movie equivalent of a stage prompter, they seem reluctant to deliver any lines in a way that would catch the audience's attention. It's the verbal equivalent of camouflage - it just disappears into the background noise.
Don't get me wrong - if I had to deliver that supremely wooden dialogue, I would be reluctant too. But please, won't someone think of the audience! Just a little zest would have gone a long way.
It also claims to be from Van Helsing's POV which is a weeeee bit inaccurate, since Van Helsing plays a fairly limited role and disappears frequently, without any narration of the story from his supposed POV.
In fact, most of the first half of the movie is Lucy lying around moaning like she's having the time of her life with her best buddy Buzz under the sheets. Albeit somewhat unenthusiastically.
I have to admit, I nodded off at one point somewhere after the 50 minute mark - probably my brain trying to protect itself from a boredom-induced coma. But then I woke for the last 10 minutes, which included the most abrupt and boring ending... which was not really a surprise, come to think of it.
Rating - 2/10: would not recommend even as a sedative, since the potential for lasting boredom-induced brain damage is far too high.
