Fingernails

Greetings again from the darkness. Certifiable love. Trust the science. Anna and Ryan are in love and they have the certification (and sore fingers) to prove it. One minor problem is that they don't seem to have much in common, other than a love for the fatty parts of a well-cooked steak. And even this common ground leads to a certain dishonesty. Writer-director Christos Nikou and his APPLES co-writer Stavros Raptis, along with co-writer Sam Steiner, have given us a film that appears to lean heavily into science-fiction, while also poking a bit of skepticism that direction.

Most of this film didn't work for me, however, the depth that the two lead actors, Jessie Buckley (I frequently recommend WILD ROSE, 2018) and Riz Ahmed (SOUND OF METAL, 2020, and an Oscar winner for his short film THE LONG GOODBYE, 2021), bring such an intimacy and sincerity to their scenes that we can almost overlook the absurdity of the story. And maybe that's the point.

Anna (Ms. Buckley) has recently lost her job as a teacher, and when she lands the job she wants as a trainer at The Love Institute, she opts not to tell her husband Ryan (Jeremy Allen White, "Shameless"). The Love Institute is run by Duncan (Luke Wilson) and the mission is to test couples for scientific compatibility in a long-term relationship. This is done by pulling a fingernail from each and testing in a machine invented by Duncan (don't worry, he is always looking to improve it). The idea is that science can take the guesswork out of relationships and put folks at ease that they found the "right" partner.

Of course, as soon as we see Anna and Amir (Mr. Ahmed) working alongside each other, we know where this is headed. The two actors are terrific together and excel at selective gazing, while maintaining professionalism. Science, chemistry, and biology all play a role here, but the thought that folks would volunteer to have their fingernails yanked out (while biting a block of wood) is ludicrous, even if the film opens by telling us fingernails often display the first symptoms of heart issues (physical not emotional). The film is evidently supposed to prove yet again that matters of romance are beyond the scope of science, even in movies.

Opens on AppleTV+ beginning November 3, 2023.

No, sorry. This is just plain daft! "Anna" (Jessie Buckley) is living with "Ryan" (Jeremy Allen White) having got their certificate. What certificate? Well it's one that certifies that they are a love match! She was a teacher, but is now job hunting - so when an opportunity to work at the very facility that empowered their affection comes up, she heads straight to the office of boss "Duncan" (Luke Wilson) where she insists she would be great at "training" the couples who come to have their own relationships finessed and evaluated so they, too, can be verified. She is duly employed and paired with the inspirational and charismatic "Amir" (Riz Ahmed) - who clearly has his own secret to keep, too! What now ensues just lacks any sense of credibility and, for me, any attempts at satire just fell flat, quickly. The tests are fun, though. In a room where all are clad in just their smalls, "Rob" (Christian Meer) has to quite literally sniff out his girlfriend whilst keeping his eyes closed; another sees people charged with keeping eye contact whilst immersed in ten foot of cold water - presumably more preoccupied with not literally drowning in a sea of love! The coup-de-grasses? Well that's the crunch time when they wrench one of your fingernails - don't worry, you get to choose which one - from each person's hand then insert them into a microwave-oven looking gadget that looks like a cast-off from "Space 1999" before it announces - 0%, 50% or the dreamt for 100% - and that's bliss!. The point of all this being that it could end divorce and unhappy marriages for ever. Once in love, always in love...! Hmmm? Buckley reminds us, occasionally, that she has a fine singing voice and Ahmed is easy enough on the eye (reductive, I know - but we really don't have much else) but the story is just ridiculous, and that grown up adults would ever treat with such preposterous scenarios is just too far-fetched. It's not in anyway a comedy, and the predictable romantic elements come with way too much physical, collateral, damage. It is even almost earnest at times and after half an hour I realised why I was watching this in a cinema by myself. Nice to hear a bit of Alison Moyet on big screen sound, but that's about the height of this. He really needs to get his car window fixed, too!

The most interesting film I've watched this year, that's for sure. "Fingernails" is nothing you'd expect -- it's got this test on love (quite literally) that will make you bite your nails, and your fingers, and close your eyes in the moment. With an A24-coded story concept that is weirdly satirical, it's one that has a satisfying tale of romance, an exploration of uncertain feelings, and what it means to crave that feeling. Both Jessie Buckley and Riz Ahmed have the perfect dynamic on-screen that I just cannot get enough of. These two are some of the very few actors I utterly admire and respect and so seeing them together in this film was something I really enjoyed. Everything was beautiful and entertaining in a way that would lure you into its world; with a production design that is just mesmerizing, and a soundtrack that perfectly fits with the characters' emotions. A perfect grasp of the desire for what "love" really depicts, and a perfect character study on a flawed character who is unsure of her feelings, while putting all her fate on a love test.

Not sure why I decided to watch this, I'm normally a sci fi guy, maybe it's because it was on Apple so knew quality would be up there, maybe I though it had a science fi edge from the 'testing' , or maybe I just fancied something different.

Well I got all of that and more. Jessie Buckley absolutely delivered a superb, real and emotional performance....i could feel every tug on heartstrings I didn't know I had anymore. Great performances from all 3 leads, but Jessie....just wow, I really hope this launches her career to bigger things, she deserves it after that.

Oh and the music was superb.....well done production team.

If this story had been well written, I'd have liked the leads together very much. Sadly, it was not well written. I'm a scifi geek and I normally can suspend disbelief and don't care about the science, nor the premise, all that much. In this case, the way this story is written, a five year old child would question the test. I agree with other reviewers that the fact that none of the film's own characters question it strains the disbelief several steps too far, particularly considering how low tech this particular method of this trope is portrayed here. Since most of the characters appear miserable (agree with 'bleak world'), it's extremely depressing and drags on so badly. I cannot imagine a GOOD reason to watch this film. Further, if a large number of people watched it together, say in a theater, I would suggest putting the group on suicide watch.