Amityville Karen

There are a lot of indie horror people in this and behind this and none of them were able to save it because it's pretty much a mess. It starts out kind of promising with Karen karening all over the place, but the actress who plays her seems to be doing a lot of ad libbing and it's uh, not great. It's inexplicably 104 minutes long and draaagggggggssssss in so many places.

The last 15 minutes are half of the movies 58 producers each given a couple of lines to say in a "breaking news" alert that is tacked on just to give them a part in the movie for the money they contributed lol and then after that it just drops the news reel and has the rest of them saying bizarre things that seem like inside jokes nobody gets until it finally ends.

Still, James Duval can get it and Dawna Lee Heising is in this way too briefly and I'll watch anything she's in a hundred times but it actually works against the movie here because as soon as we saw her, Taylor and I both agreed she should have played Karen. Now that would have been the 5 star gold I wanted!

I knew it would be bad. I didn't expect Val Lewton. I didn't even expect James Nguyen or Ed Wood. Just--not this. It's not even fun bad.

The script doesn't even try. Karen is a poorly-written caricature of the women who make lives miserable with petty displays of power. Her boyfriend(?) makes James Nguyen's protagonists look like Cary Grant. None of the actors add anything. They say the lines, and their paychecks didn't bounce.

Its budget is low, and there's no sign they even tried to be creative within it. Absolutely no scares or tension in any of the scenes.

Still, they'll make enough to recoup expenses.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PARODY AT FIRST LMAO BUT NO-

Anyway bad movie and I haven't even watched it. I can just tell its bad. Me and my friends could probably film a movie with our phones and it would be better than this. I don't even have friends, so that means non existent people could make a movie better than this....thing, can't even call it a movie at this point. It would actually be funnier if it was a parody, but knowing it's an actual movie that someone out there thought was a good idea made me lose faith in humanity even more than I've already lost it. Anyway, I gotta go my fish is barking at my dog again and my dog won't stop meowing back so I have to take care of that, cya.

You know what? I was all for rating this a 1, and then at the last minute I changed my mind. Yeah it was poor, but it was fun. You get an air of authenticity that you just don't get from a well-polished movie. Stuff like forgetting lines and improvising and stuff like that usually isn't captured on film.

The fact it took them 5 days to make is no surprise, they were obviously on a budget and a timescale. They could have invested some of their money in a better mic though, some of the scenes I could hardly hear what they were saying.

I sometimes question why these people start out in these movies, and I know you have to start somewhere. And when that somewhere is here, I wonder where you actually think you're going to go. But ya know if someone offered me a part in a movie I'd probably take it.

BEAUTIFUL MOVIE I WOULD RATE 20/10 IF I COULD 100% RECOMMEND THIS WAS A STUNNING FILM WITH AMAZING CASTING AND AMAZING SCENES AND AMAZING RELATABILITY IT WAS SO GOOD I WILL MAKE AND FORCE EVERYONE I KNOW TO WATCH THIS THIS MOVIE SHOWS THE TRUE STRUGGLES OF BEING ALIVE IN THIS CENTURY I LOVE HER DRESS THE OUTFIT IS AMAZING I LOVED WATCHING THIS I LOVE AREA 51 WHICH IS WHERE THIS MOVIE TAKES PLACE AND ITS SUCH A PERFECT SETTING FOR THE STORY OF THIS MOVIE IT WAS SO AWESOME AND RELATABLE SUCH A GOOD WATCH FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY MY KIDS LOVE LOVE LOVED IT ALL DAY LONG AS WE ARE GOING TO TACOMA WASHINGTON.