The Killing Tree

Obviously if you're going to go the route of a slapstick type killer on the loose, you need to know your film is a comedy. This clearly doesn't. Not a single joke in the film. Unless if you count them using the Star of David instead of a pentagon as a joke, but I'm pretty sure that was just a production error. This could've been an instant cult classic like Jack Frost, heck, all they really need to do is re-record the voice over of the tree and make him funny. Like if the tree were to strangle someone with lights have the tree say "lighten up" or if the tree kills a barking dog say "all bark, no bite" or if the tree kills a topless girl with his roots or whatever, have him say "got wood?" It's really not hard to make this concept worth watching. And it wouldn't cost too much to redo the ADR and make some cash.

Attempting to seek revenge on a wrong-doer, a woman casts a spell to resurrect her dead husband but inadvertently casts the wrong version sending his spirit into a Christmas Tree who sets out on a bloody path of bloodshed to strike back at the girl who originally killed him during a Christmas party.

This was a bit better than expected for what it is. The main aspect to be had here is the means through which this brings the titular tree across as a viable villain. Ignoring the ludicrous nature of the idea overall, the setup employed here to showcase that comes off incredibly well with the opening black magic ritual that inadvertently puts his spirit into a Christmas Tree which brings it to life and going out on the rampage. The motivation and reasoning for doing so are based on her relationship with him when he was alive with both being serial killers who went around killing people on the eve of the holiday that included the girls' parents in one of the rampages makes this such a fun and involving backstory to tie everything together and serve as the proper grounding for everything to take place. This then allows the film to indulge in a fine series of cheesy attacks with the tree utilizing its supernatural powers. Shown to have the ability to extend the light cords as tentacles, grow elongated arms to stab or rip victims to pieces, and use ornaments as projectiles, this manages to produce a fine creatively original monster that has a lot to like. Knowing the backstory of its creation makes the scenes of a walking ambulatory Christmas Tree running around wreaking havoc and ripping people to pieces offer a rather fun brand of cheesy action scenes throughout the mansion grounds that become fun for how silly it all is. That this brings up the thrilling finale with the creature rampaging through the house that lets the holiday decorations add a festive atmosphere for the final showdown is all that keeps this one enjoyable. This one does have some big issues present. One of the biggest factors in this one is the rather jarring and scattered tempo here that comes about due to its shorter length trying to rush things that don't need to. The extended setup showing the party at the house and all the various sidestories going on with the friend group is a bit overlong with the repeated nature of several subplots but then rushing through a massacre scene where it rips multiple people apart in a minute-long sequence that should've gone much longer. This leaves the film somewhat odd with how it plays out and sets up the final confrontation coming out of nowhere that has no time to explain what's going on, and when combined with the cheesy effects on display due to the cheesy CGI are the few issues that bring this down.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language and Graphic Violence.

Plot

On Christmas Eve, a widow casts a spell to resurrect her executed husband. However, when the spell goes wrong, the husband is brought back as an Evil Christmas Tree and is hell-bent on getting revenge on the one who caused his execution.

Cast

The usual suspects that you expect to see in Uncorked and ITN movies, truly dreadful for the most part who have absolutely no place in the industry especially Marcus Massey who puts in a career worst here.

Verdict

I went in assuming a novelty comedy horror, I knew it was almost certainly going to be bad especially considering the creators and cast but expected at least that novelty value which could make up for it.

I didn't expect it to be this bad, it truly is abysmal. You see the novelty element is worn thin by just how bad it is, the horror is barely present and the comedy? I think they forgot to implement that. I mean how exactly do you make a movie about a killer Christmas tree and leave out the comedy? It's actually played serious and that couldn't possibly work!

Sometimes the tree is practical, sometimes it's CGI, sometimes it's 5ft sometimes it's 50ft, the acting from our villains is comically terrible, the dialogue from the tree is some of the worst I've ever heard. It's not that it's bad, it's just repetitive and generic to a level I never thought was possible. You have to hear it to believe it.

So there it is, it's not funny, it's not worth it for the novelty value, it's not film so bad it's worth a giggle, it's just bad.

Rants

Marcus Massey please retire Marcus Massey please retire Marcus Massey please retire Marcus Massey please retire Marcus Massey please retire That's my rant, seriously he's so bad.

Breakdown

Strange concept at least Not funny Not scary Awful cast Marcus Massey Terrible CGI Dreadful dialogue.

Listen, you're gonna read the description and groan. You're probably gonna see low "critic" reviews and you're going to write this one off. DO NOT DO THAT. Listen to fans of low budget horror, like myself. This, at the very least, will find itself in your "so bad it's good" column if you let it. The CGI is laughable, and most of the kills are part of that CGI, but that's actually part of the charm here! Watching these cheesy CGI kills made me chuckle, and it's a big part of what kept me entertained until the end.

If you are a fan of movies like Jack Frost, Jack Frost 2, Thankskilling, CarousHELL, and so on, this is right up your alley.

While clocking in at ten times longer, it is just not nearly as pithy. There are long stretches of buxom hens nattering on about absolutely nothing.

Of course, the movie is corny and it knows it. Doesn't make it good.

Some of the kills were inventive. Like the one on the tennis court was my favorite.

The one lady in the sequins is definitely a budget Kathryn Hahn for sure.

The part in the manor house is something to watch with your eyeballs when observing the screen you are viewing via your vision.

Apparently no animals were harmed in the making of this movie. But there is no mention in the credits of an on-set arborist or watchdog certification by a botanical welfare society. So trees were most likely treated inhumanely.

Probably can say the same for the audience.

It's a dumb bad movie. If that's your thing.