Ember Days

Another installment of his horrible directing skills. it appears he is impervious to experience and learning from his mistakes . this movie was terrible .

Someone got a new iPhone and figured they too could make a movie. Let's see. Step 1: call on their high school drama team. See if they can grab costumes from the prop department. If not, "hey what's in your closet". Step 2: sit around drinking Friday night and sketch out a scrip ... or not (more likely in this case). Step 3: MAKE A MOVIE! Who needs all that expensive equipment like a camera and mic ... or even a tripod. We have an iPhone!! Who needs special effects? ... we can just play with the camera settings! A stage? Nope, just do everything in the dark. And by the end of the weekend, viola. You have wasted everyone time, including your audiences.

This is the kind of movie you'd get if a goth con held at a renaissance festival had a collective fever dream while in possession of a camcorder, a bootleg copy of AfterEffects, and a budget of just under $20, most of which was spent on eyeliner. There are some good ideas here - though readers of The Dresden Files will be treading on very familiar ground, since the script seems entirely derived from Jim Butcher's world building - but the majority of the cast just isn't capable of carrying them off. The actor playing Hermes - mostly because he has so much screen time - is particularly horrific, delivering his lines in an ostentatiously declamatory oration better suited to reading Wagner aloud while stoned. Kudos to (Austin Texas musician) Bekah Kelso, who not surprisingly gives the best performance of the cast, delivering with sincerity lines that would have challenged a funeral director's ability to keep a straight face. If you like bad movies, this is a worthy addition to your collection. (Search up the review on God Awful Movies. It's brilliant.)

I can't guess who made this movie, or why. Are these people usually involved in porn? Are they pro-wrestlers? They want to show their straight acting skills. So, their usual promoter, with a few of his friends, made a straight film. It didn't make much sense. Some guy with some knowledge of mythology is also a writer. He wrote a script. Put all this together, and they made a movie. Seen on Tubi, the free streaming site; which has many indie films; and now, live TV.

No. No, they did not.

Firstly, Ember Days, in the Catholic Religion, are days of Fasting. "Ember Days are traditionally days of fasting and partial abstinence (no meat except at the principal meal). Each of the four Embertides include three days of fasting and partial abstinence-Ember Wednesday, Ember Friday (fasting and full abstinence), and Ember Saturday." This information is free, on the internet, which, apparently, nobody chose to consult.

The rest? Just a painful mix of lore, legend, and Pantheon.

Why did I watch? Because the wonderful people at RiffTrax have riffed it, and I like to watch the source material.

Would I watch this, again, unriffed? Oh, heck no! 🤣