Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

It is a sad thing to admit but this is the best Star Wars movie (not counting fan movies) made in this millennium. Here was the thought process: How can you take important iconic design elements of a venerable and beloved movie franchise and twist it into a cheap porn parody that 'viewers' will still recognize as Star Wars? It takes some understanding of the source material to pull that off and the makers of this thing actually did a better job than Disney. It might be primitive, lame and stupid but at least they understand their audience and the nagging little voice watching the original trilogy "I wonder how this princess looks under that nice white robe thingy?". They understand that archaic and women-objectifying part of me and deliver. I'm not proud of it but I get material which is true to the original movies. That teenager of many years ago who looked forward to seeing Leia in a metal bikini meets people who understand that boy and the sci-fi world where such fantasies come from. Disney made a mockery of Star Wars with "The Force awakens" in order to launch a new series of plastic toys and Star Wars images on various products in order to make me buy crap I don't need. Honestly, I wish they had simply designed a light-saber shaped dildo and sold it on a box saying: Yes, we DO want to screw your childhood.....again. Man, do I feel old. I wrote a review for a porn movie to find the last traces of the original Star Wars magic. I guess it's just the frustration over Disney getting a divorce from my generation in order to run off with one of those hot and new Millennials.

EDIT: Rogue One just made it the second best Star Wars movie of the millennium

In the BTS for this send-up, Vivid honcho Shylar Cobi proudly asserts that this Axel Braun ripoff of the Lucas franchise his company's biggest production ever, even moreso (in budget, cast, production scope) than 35mm projects like "Emperor" way back when. Its appeal is limited to those who dig plagiarism.

Allie Haze as Princess Leia is the saving grace in her hot performance as Princess Leia, though the many alternates shown in audition footage on the 2nd disk of this over-priced package seem as intriguing: Kristina Rose and Misty Stone in particular. The rest of the cast is pretty lousy, especially Rocco Reed as Han Solo.

The second disk features a 55-minute NonSex cut of the feature (about 100 minutes of explicit footage removed), and the dumb dialog scenes are quite poor. Special effects and mimicking of the original material is adequate.

Some very bad choices were made by Braun & co., beginning with the director's misguided affection for the humor (not) generated by Chi Chi LaRue in voiceover: his American accent and gay persona for C3P0 is a drag. Tom Byron does a fair impression of Alec Guinness, while Braun's partner in crime (theft of intellectual property to be exact) Bryn Pryor gives a non-actor's version of the villain of the piece, Darth Vader's boss Tarkin.

Most of the sex scenes are purely extraneous, notably a lesbian coupling for Kim Kane and Aiden Ashley (latter shown in auditions, failing to get the Leia role), but I did enjoy a couple of big-bust champs Eve Laurence and Brandy Aniston removing their Stormtrooper costumes and humping Chewbacca, as well as some more conventional interracial sex courtesy of Rihanna Rimes.

Princess Leia performed by Allie Haze is simply incomparable, the game was very deep and penetrating.

The costumes are on a high level, but the chromakey sucks, although of course I didn't expect more.

Honestly. This movie is highly watchable for anyone in the mood for a good Star Wars joke. Though to be honest if you watch this I'd highly recommend watching it for the jokes and fast forwarding though the porn. For a porno the porn actually normally feels out of place and completely interrupts the comedy. If you're watching this for Star Wars jokes just skip the porn scenes the first time you watch it. You can rewatch them later.