Blood Relatives

This was very poorly written and directed, and surprisingly, just bland and boring, and not funny at all. The concept was interesting, but it missed the mark in every other department. The two leads had zero chemistry, I'm sure mostly due to writer, director and lead actor Noah Segan's failure to direct himself and Victoria Moroles properly. The only really convincing actor was C. L. Simpson as Sylvie. Moroles' and Segan's dialogue also felt forced and convoluted, with Segan's occasional high-pitched voice squealing becoming cringe. The story had nothing much out of its basic narrative to offer - nothing really suspenseful or thrilling, or that wasn't cliched and predictable. For a comedy, we never laughed once. A decent effort for actor Segan to newly dabble in filmmaking, but maybe he wore too many hats on this one.

Absolutely horrible movie. From the very start you know this is going to be a horrible ride.

The acting is downright terrible and the script is so poorly written you'll feel sorry for the actors even tho they are just as bad as the script.

The main problem is it tries too hard to be cute-funny and falls flat nearly all the time. Plus it's rather wordy and the acting isnt really good enough to plow through it.

It's anything for a laff, but It all falls flat.

In the end, the movie becomes tiresome with it's "cutsie" dialog and poor acting. Actually it becomes tiresome way before the end of the movie.

D level garbage not worth watching.

Francis (Noah Segan) is a Jewish vampire. He drives a Plymouth Barracuda through the night on the highways of America. One night, Jane (Victoria Moroles) shows up claiming to be his teenage daughter. Her mother recently died and she used the internet to track him down.

The premise has some fun potential. It's a vampire movie, a father-daughter movie, and a road trip movie. It's a little odd that he insists on using Yiddish. It's supposed to be funny. In reality, it's funny for the first couple of times. Maybe if he's playing up being Jewish as a character. Instead, Jane calls him out for imitating The Fonz. I guess that's also Jewish, but they didn't make that joke. The humor is not developed enough. I'm not familiar with Segan. A better comedic presence would help. Moroles is pretty good as the sassy teen. This is a good premise, but it needs a bit more work.

IN A NUTSHELL: A vampire's loner lifestyle is thrown into disarray when a teenager shows up claiming to be his daughter, and she's got the fangs to prove it. On a road trip across America's blacktops, they decide how to sink their teeth into family life.

The movie is both written and directed by Noah Segan. But wait, he also stars in it! That always impresses me, especially for a first-time director! I'm curious to see what else he has to say.

THINGS I LIKED: This unconventional road-trip flick features two vampires played by Noah Segan and Victoria Moroles.

Yiddish words like Mensch, "oy vay", "putz", and "schlep" are used.

It looked like the scenes were actually filmed on location, rather than on a green screen, which is always refreshing.

There is some humor to make the movie more playful and fun.

We get to watch an ancient vampire transition into a dad.

Some moral territory is covered as the vampires discuss the rights and wrongs of vampire life.

The film makes a statement on how we all just want to belong and know where we came from.

The filming and lighting were good, especially considering so many scenes took place at night.

THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE: It's a slow burn with a "meh" payoff.

Not all of the humor lands.

Not that much really "happens" to propel the movie into more than just a road trip film.

Fans of horror will be disappointed that there isn't more action.

TIPS FOR PARENTS: Lots of blood and some gore Profanity, including F-bombs Crude language and conversations

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This is the Jewish Vampire Dad family movie you didn't know you needed. It's a film with a lot of heart, laughs, a healthy splattering of gore, and one ultimate truth; there's nothing more transformational than becoming a Dad.

Noah Segan's directorial debut does what his buddy Rian Johnson's movie "Looper" did with Time Travel. He manages to do something refreshingly new in a very well worn genre.

Blood Relatives is a remarkably charming film that had me at "Oy Vey" and never let go.

The casting is perfect. Victoria Moroles as Jane is delightful and there is a particularly brilliant turn by Josh Ruben as a "familiar" character.

I've watched this twice and hope the universe Segan has created has room for more stories.