- Marcia: David, we numb ourselves to avoid thinking about our impact.
- Eloge: Ignoring the proverbial slaughterhouse to enjoy the steak, as it were.
- Benji Kaplan: Yes, Eloge! Damn, that's a good analogy.
- David Kaplan: No, and I get that, I get all that, it just seems like maybe there's, like, a time and a place to grieve, and maybe it's not...
- Benji Kaplan: Yo, Dave.
- David Kaplan: What?
- Benji Kaplan: We're on a fucking Holocaust tour. If now is not the time and place to grieve, to open up, I don't know what to tell you, man.
- Marcia: Last year my daughter married a very rich man.
- Benji Kaplan: Oh, fuck.
- Marcia: And she's incapable of having a conversation with any depth anymore.
- Benji Kaplan: Well, yeah, of course. Money's like fucking heroin for boring people.
- [Benji is explaining to David how they can get through their train trip without paying]
- Benji Kaplan: We stay moving, we stay light, we stay agile.
- David Kaplan: Yeah.
- Benji Kaplan: The conductor's gonna come through taking tickets. We tell him we're going to the bathroom.
- David Kaplan: The bathroom. Okay.
- Benji Kaplan: He gets to the back of the train, he starts heading towards the front looking for stragglers.
- David Kaplan: Sorry, we're the stragglers?
- Benji Kaplan: Yeah. By the time he gets to the front, the train's gonna be in the station and we're home free.
- David Kaplan: This is so fucking stupid.
- Benji Kaplan: Man, what's stupid is the corporatization of travel. Ensuring that the rich move around the world, propagate their elitist loins, while the poor stay cut off from society.
- David Kaplan: That's great, we can argue Marxism while they're hauling us off to Siberia.
- Benji Kaplan: Siberia is in Russia, Dave.
- David Kaplan: This is ridiculous. Tickets are probably like twelve bucks.
- Benji Kaplan: It's the principle of paying. We shouldn't have to pay for train tickets in Poland. This is our country.
- David Kaplan: No, it's not. It was our country. They kicked us out 'cause they thought we were cheap.
- [having gotten drunk and made a fool of himself, Benji has just excused himself from his tour group's dinner table to use the restroom, leaving the group in awkward silence]
- David Kaplan: Sorry about him.
- Eloge: No, no.
- Diane: What a troubled young man.
- Eloge: He wants to be good. You can see the spark. Do you know what I mean?
- Marcia: Yeah. Absolutely, Eloge.
- Mark: Forgive me if I don't see this magical spark.
- Diane: Oh, Mark, stop it. He's tormented, for whatever reason.
- Mark: Okay.
- Marcia: He's funny and he's charming under all the mishegoss.
- Diane: I feel bad for him.
- Marcia: Has he always been like this?
- David Kaplan: Yeah. I mean, he's always been, like, up and down, you know? Like, he's sensitive, and he, like, sees people so clearly, you know? But then you say the wrong thing and, like, something switches. Or maybe it's not appropriate to talk about him.
- Marcia: No.
- Diane: No, what's not appropriate? You obviously got something going on between you and, uh - well, he's clearly in pain.
- David Kaplan: Yeah, but isn't everyone in pain in some way? I mean, look at what happened to our families, look at where we came from. I mean, who isn't - you know, who isn't wrought?
- Mark: Well, you seem okay.
- David Kaplan: I'm not, though. I'm not. I just, like, take a pill for my fuckin' OCD, you know, and I jog and I meditate and I go to work in the morning and I, like, come home at the end of the day, and I, like, move forward, you know, because I know that my pain is unexceptional, so I don't feel the need to, like, I don't know, burden everybody with it, you know?
- Mark, Eloge: Yeah.
- David Kaplan: Yeah. God, I'm sorry.
- James: No, it's all - it's all right, David.
- Diane: It's okay.
- David Kaplan: I'm sorry, I'm ranting, I am just, like... I don't know. Um...
- [he chokes up]
- David Kaplan: Ooh. Sorry, I'm just, like, so fucking exhausted by him sometimes, you know? Like, I... I, I love him and I hate him and I wanna kill him... and I wanna be him, you know? And I feel, like, so stupid around him, you know, because he is so fucking cool and he just does not give a shit. And then... just, like, being here with him is just so fucking baffling to me, you know? It's just baffling, 'cause it's like: How did this guy come from the survivors of this place, you know?
- [he turns to Mark]
- David Kaplan: I mean, that your uncle had to sell, like, used furniture to rich assholes or, like, couldn't get into medical school.
- [he turns to Eloge]
- David Kaplan: And that you survived, like, the worst thing to happen on this planet in the last thirty years. And that our grandma survived by a thousand miracles when the entire world was trying to kill her, you know? And I look at him and I just, like, wanna ask him... I just wanna ask him, and I just can't. Like... like, how did the product of a thousand fucking miracles overdose on a bottle of sleeping pills?
- Marcia: What?
- Diane: Sorry, what did you say?
- David Kaplan: Yeah, he tried to... yeah, sorry, I probably shouldn't have said anything.
- James: It's okay. Uh, I'm so - I'm sorry to hear that.
- Eloge: I'm so sorry. That's - that's very distressing.
- Marcia: When did this happen?
- David Kaplan: Like six - six months ago. My aunt Leah - uh, Benji's mom - found him on the couch. And I know he is so funny and so charming. And you are all gonna walk away with this picture of this amazing man, which he totally is in so many ways. But when I picture him, it is passed out on a ratty basement couch while I am in New York City with my beautiful wife and adorable child, and it just fucking kills me. Sorry. I'm... I'm oversharing.
- [the sound of live piano emerges from the next room]
- David Kaplan: Well, they're back again.
- Marcia: It's him.
- [the pianist is revealed to be Benji, playing Tea for Two]
- Benji Kaplan: You used to be fucking different, man.
- [David scoffs]
- Benji Kaplan: You used to be so emotional. You used to fucking cry about everything, man. Like...
- David Kaplan: Yeah, I know. It was awful. Who the fuck wants to cry about everything?
- Benji Kaplan: Dave, man, you're not fucking listening to me, man. I'm saying that *we* used to be different. Like, *we.*
- David Kaplan: Yeah. Benji, I have, like, a job and a family.
- Benji Kaplan: I know.
- David Kaplan: And I don't have time to hang out with you all night, every night, okay?
- Benji Kaplan: I don't fucking want that.
- David Kaplan: Yes, you do. You're, like, an all-encompassing person; I don't think you realize that.
- Benji Kaplan: Man, I'm just saying, like, you, like...
- David Kaplan: I don't think you realize that.
- Benji Kaplan: Man, you, like, literally never visit me.
- David Kaplan: What, in... sorry, you mean in Binghamton?
- Benji Kaplan: Yeah, man, that's where I live.
- David Kaplan: Well, yeah, I'm busy, okay? And I live in New York City. Isn't it easier for you to come down to me?
- Benji Kaplan: Easier? It's the same fucking distance, Dave.
- David Kaplan: Yeah, but it's New York City, man. It's, like, the more logical place to visit than fucking Binghamton, all due respect.
- Benji Kaplan: What's wrong with Binghamton?
- David Kaplan: Nothing is wrong with Binghamton. You are, like, purposefully making me look like an asshole for questioning it.
- Benji Kaplan: Yo, fuck off, dude.
- David Kaplan: Yo, you fuck off.
- Benji Kaplan: Why don't you give a shit about me anymore?
- David Kaplan: [choking up] I do give a shit about you. I just don't understand how you would ever do anything so fucking stupid to yourself.
- Benji Kaplan: Dave, man...
- David Kaplan: Benji. I, like... I walk around with, like, this terrible fucking image of you in my head...
- Benji Kaplan: Mm-hmm.
- David Kaplan: Okay? And, yeah, I don't... yeah, I don't wanna lose you, okay? You see how people love you? Do you see what happens when you walk into a room? I would give anything to know what that feels like, man. To know what it feels like to have charm. To light up a room when I walk in. But you light up a room and then you, like, shit on everything inside of it.
- [Benji chuckles]
- [in Benji and David's hotel room]
- Benji Kaplan: How the fuck are we supposed to smoke a joint in here? They fuckin' locked the windows. It's like a goddamn police state.
- David Kaplan: Yo, man, I think I might just wanna crash. We've been up for like twenty-four hours.
- Benji Kaplan: Don't. Don't tell me you're gonna sleep on me. This is our first night together in fuckin' years.
- David Kaplan: I don't know. I'm exhausted, I haven't showered...
- Benji Kaplan: You're exhausted? Dude, the weed's gonna help you sleep.
- David Kaplan: Is it the kind that helps you sleep?
- Benji Kaplan: No, it's the other kind.
- [David laughs]
- David Kaplan: Come on.
- Benji Kaplan: Dude.
- David Kaplan: What?
- Benji Kaplan: Take a shower, brush your fuckin' face. Like, floss your butt, do whatever it is you gotta do to feel like you.
- David Kaplan: Yeah.
- Benji Kaplan: I'm gonna roll us a fat fuckin' joint, and we'll go to the roof, okay?
- Benji Kaplan: You are, like, an awesome guy stuck inside the body of somebody who's always running late. And I gotta, like, fish that fuckin' guy outta ya every time I see ya.
- David Kaplan: Thank you, I think.
- Benji Kaplan: You know, dude, when I think about the two of us, man...
- David Kaplan: Yeah?
- Benji Kaplan: I think of us walking around New York all night, trying to stay up until morning.
- David Kaplan: Mm. You always did.
- Benji Kaplan: Mm-hmm.
- David Kaplan: Yeah.
- Benji Kaplan: And you always passed out halfway through.
- David Kaplan: Mm.
- Benji Kaplan: We'd make it over the Williamsburg Bridge and you would conk out on a bench in Chinatown.
- David Kaplan: Yeah, I know.
- Benji Kaplan: You're kind of a lightweight.
- Marcia: If I hear from my kids once a month, it's a shock.
- Benji Kaplan: Oh, Marcia. Fuck those guys. Man, I wouldn't miss a week.
- [Benji is posing as a soldier for a photo among a group of statues of Polish World War II soldiers in combat]
- David Kaplan: That's really - you look great, Benji. We got some good shots.
- Benji Kaplan: Does it look real?
- David Kaplan: Well, uh, they're, they're twice the size of you and metal, so, you know, no.
- Eloge: I... I find myself constantly baffled by the way the world seems to carry on like there aren't a million reasons to be shocked.
- Marcia: Oh, exactly.
- Eloge: To be, um... appalled.
- Benji Kaplan: Yeah. Fuckin' A. That's exactly what I'm saying, man.
- David Kaplan: I don't know. I mean, if, like, we wept for every sad thing in the world, like, what would that accomplish?
- Benji Kaplan: I don't know. Maybe sad shit wouldn't constantly happen.
- Marcia: Exactly.
- [Jewish cousins Benji and David are exploring Poland as part of a tour group]
- Benji Kaplan: Look at this shit. We'd probably live here if the war didn't happen. Isn't that fuckin' crazy to think about? Seriously! Like, we think of ourselves as these, like, very American creations, you know? And I guess that we are. I guess that's, like, the essence of America - people created from other cultures - but, like, in some parallel black hole universe, you and I are Polish and we probably got, like, long beards and we can't shake hands with women.
- David Kaplan: Yeah, that's funny. You know, every time I see, like, one of those Hasidic guys on the street, I always just think, like, "There but for the grace of no God go I," you know?
- Benji Kaplan: What?
- David Kaplan: Oh, nothing. It's just, like, a dumb joke that...
- Benji Kaplan: Mm. Well, that's cool, man. Shit, look at her.
- David Kaplan: Who?
- Benji Kaplan: That woman Marcia. She's walkin' alone - we should go talk to her.
- David Kaplan: We just met her.
- Benji Kaplan: Yeah, but she's got this, like, deep sadness behind her eyes, you know?
- David Kaplan: She does?
- Benji Kaplan: Yeah, you didn't notice that?
- David Kaplan: During the introductions? No. I...
- Benji Kaplan: I think we should check on her.
- David Kaplan: Benji, maybe she wants to be alone.
- Benji Kaplan: No one wants to be alone, Dave. Okay, I'm gonna check it out.
- [Benji walks away from David and catches up to Marcia]
- Benji Kaplan: Hey. Why are you walking alone? Are you a big fuckin' loser?
- [Marcia laughs]
- Marcia: Seriously?
- Benji Kaplan: Yeah. You look like an interesting person.
- [Benji and David enter their hotel room; David sighs]
- Benji Kaplan: Uh, hey, Dave?
- David Kaplan: Yep.
- Benji Kaplan: Come meet me in the bathroom for a second?
- [Benji walks into the bathroom]
- David Kaplan: What? Why?
- [David joins Benji in the bathroom]
- David Kaplan: Hi.
- Benji Kaplan: Hey.
- [Benji closes the bathroom door]
- David Kaplan: So, uh, why are we in here?
- Benji Kaplan: So, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being here with me. I know that it's tough for you to take time off work and to leave your boy, but... I really needed this, man.
- David Kaplan: Really?
- Benji Kaplan: Yeah.
- David Kaplan: Well, that's... that's great, man. I'm, like, just happy to see you happy. I know it's been, like, such a tough few months for you, so...
- Benji Kaplan: I also want to say that I know you're not the most comfortable person with groups and people and social shit like that...
- David Kaplan: I'm not?
- Benji Kaplan: No. But it's amazing that you're here, putting yourself out there so boldly for me.
- David Kaplan: Thank you, man.
- Benji Kaplan: Let's go smoke a joint.
- [Benji abruptly exits the bathroom]
- Benji Kaplan: Dave?
- David Kaplan: Yo.
- Benji Kaplan: Sorry I called you a lightweight.
- David Kaplan: That's okay. I'm sorry I would always fall asleep.
- Benji Kaplan: Nah, man. You had, like, a job and a wife. You'd been awake all day doing important shit. I didn't really have anything going on. I didn't care that you fell asleep, man, I was just glad you were there.