Satanic Hispanics

The best way to describe this one is a Latino Creepshow with one of the original directors of 1999's Blair Witch Project. Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite is narrating horror stories as a wrap around character and each features a mostly Latino cast. While it's bad, it's also not very good or scary but more of wannabe Creepshow or even Trick of Treat 2006. There's a guy who can see some weird stuff with some kind of spell, a middle aged vampire married couple, a sucubus demon lady, and Pedro from napoleon dynamite.

This is something that you can wait for streaming or cable. The horror movie season is upon us and there hopefully will be better films coming soon.

"Mixed bag" is the perfect term for this admirable but flawed anthology. SATANIC HISPANICS follows in the long tradition of presenting horror stories in the form of an anthology, usually with some very loose device to tie the stories together. Here, the El Paso police have captured a mysterious man who identifies himself as "The Wanderer" and as they question him about the extremely unlikely scenario of having survived a massacre unscathed without actually being one of the bad guys, he has the opportunity to share with the cops some very interesting stories about other "supernatural" characters he has known.

He tells 4 stories, two of them "serious" and two humorous. I'll say right here that the more humorous stories, particularly one about a vampire on a deadline, are by far the best. The two more serious efforts are marred by some pretty bad acting and sloppy resolutions. One should not have to scratch ones head and wonder "what was that ending?" The comedies (which I would argue the wraparound story is as well) are just a little tighter.

Each story is directed by a different Hispanic director, and that's a fantastic idea as well. Not every director comes off equally well, as I mentioned, but it's still a great chance to let these folks show off some of their chops. The budget is VERY low indeed, and it shows in every story. But if you can appreciate that this low budget is forcing some creative work around special effects, sets, costumes, etc...that might add to your appreciation.

In total, I think I appreciated the effort, but found the results to be spotty. 2 funny stories, 1 serious but interesting scenario and 1 complete failure (the politically charged middle piece just doesn't work as commentary, horror or even on the level of using editing to keep the viewer understanding the action) and an amusing wraparound story. In total, I'm exactly on the middle of the fence. If you're a BIG horror fan, in all its iterations, you might embrace this more than I did. As a horror fan, but not an obsessive completist, it's a "meh" for me.

A police SWAT team finds a sole survivor (Efren Ramirez) after a mass murder of Latino victims. Police detectives Arden (Greg Grunberg) and Gibbons (Sonya Eddy) are interrogating him. He claims that he needs to leave in 90 minutes or else. He starts telling them ghost stories.

The wrap around story is "The Traveler". I like it and it puts in a ticking time clock right away. The first ghost story is "Tambien Lo Vi" and I like it. I like the whole concept of the light. Quite frankly, that could be a whole horror film on its own. That's coming next from Blumhouse. The second ghost story is "El Vampiro" and it reminds me so much of "What We Do in the Shadows". Again it would work great as one of its episodes. The third ghost story is "Nahaules" and it's fine. It's a lot blood and gore and horror makeup. It's above average work, but the story isn't much. The fourth ghost story is "The Hammer of Zanzibar" and it's not my first dildo fight. It's not even the second one and that concept is getting a little derivative. It would have work so much better if this came out a few years earlier. I would have laughed out loud at the sight of it, but as it stands, I said, "Oh! They're doing that thing."

This is as good or better than most B-horrors like Creepshow and such. Being a little late to the dildo fight party cannot be blamed on them. They probably created the idea well before those others came out. As for the rest, they range from very good to good enough. That's a very good batting average.

Satanic Hispanics is an anthology-horror movie directed by multiple well-known Hispanic directors. The name sounded intriguing and I definitely like the cover and therefore I was pretty excited to see how this would turn out. The almost two hour runtime seemed intimidating at first, but the original V/H/S movie (2012) was also almost two hours long and I absolutely love that. In general I am a huge fan of anthology-horror and after the entertaining opening scene I was immediately hooked. The humor is great and even though this movie is not labeled as a comedy, I think that the comedic aspects worked really well most of the time. Especially in the scenes that take place in the interrogation room. The effects are also pretty good and you can tell that the production value was solid. But somehow the movie didn't quite stick the landing in the end even though it had all the ingredients to be a very memorable anthology-horror movie. There are pacing issues at times and the segments are not consistent enough to entertain for almost two hours, which in my opinion is still too long for most movies. Overall I still definitely enjoyed the watch but the movie was not able to reach my expectations, but if you like anthology-horror movies, this is definitely worth a try. [5,7/10]

Right, well of course I had not heard about this 2023 horror movie titled "Satanic Hispanics", prior to sitting down in 2024 to watch it. I had the opportunity to do so, and with it being a horror movie that I hadn't already seen, of course I opted to give the movie a chance.

I was intrigued by the movie's cover, as it does look interesting, but I have to admit that the movie's title is just abysmal.

But had I known it was a horror anthology, I do believe I would have skipped it, as horror anthologies tend to be dubious and questionable affairs. However, with having just sat through the entire 112 minutes of it, I will say that "Satanic Hispanics" proved to be somewhat better than your average horror anthology, not great though, but adequate for what it was.

I was for the most parts unfamiliar with the cast ensemble, aside from Efren Ramirez and Greg Grunberg. And I must say that Efren Ramirez was so well-cast for the role of The Traveler in the narrative that ties the segments together, and he definitely made it well-worth sitting through this anthology. The acting performances in the various segments were good, and that certainly counted for something and made it all the more enjoyable to sit through the anthology.

"Satanic Hispanics" has some good and less good segments, as it usually goes with horror anthologies. But I guess that means there is a chance that it hits a wider audience and there might just be something for everyone to enjoy here. And while I did manage to sit through the 112 minutes that it ran for, this is hardly something that I will ever return to watch a second time.

It should be noted that the special effects in the anthology are good, and they definitely add something good to the overall impression of the segments.

My rating of "Satanic Hispanics" lands on a six out of ten stars.