Allan Quatermain and the Spear of Destiny

I saw this listed on Prime and sneaky Prime did not have a trailer for it. I believe the reason for this is that no sane person would watch the "movie" if they sat through a trailer. The "acting" is absolutely abysmal. Special effects and make-up are hilarious. Monotone lines spouted by one dimensional characters. This "movie" is less than an hour long if you remove the opening and closing credits.

Made on a budget of about £14.27, I have no clue how it got a 5.8/10.

Filming should have been done on a baked potato as this would certainly have improved the finished product. Terrible sound and lighting do not help either. "Actors" involved need to maybe take acting lessons. Script writer needs to not give up his day job. And do not get me started on the sets.

Wow, this really is utter tripe. Avoid like the plague, if you know what is good for you. I lasted 8 minutes longer than I should have but those 8 minutes will save you an hour of your lives.

I notice that some reviews score the acting as one dimensional. A line is one dimensional, where as a point is dimensionless. I am afraid that I would have to score the acting as pointless I.e, less than zero dimensions.

A wonderful illustration of pointless is portrayed by two of the heroes hacking and cutting their way through supposedly dense South American Jungle using a machete. The location was open woodland, and I don't believe the machete cut anything! So pointless.

The cinematography and lighting was poor with actors casting bizarre unwanted shadows.

The script was unexciting and mostly delivered in a flat pedestrian manner, but occasionally (agent Darling) enunciated deliberately and precisely.

Probably, the highlights are Marc Hamill's music in the opening and closing credits although it does contain echoes and motifs that sound familiarly like John Williams and Indiana Jones...

I wonder how well David Hardware's portrayal would have met Henry Rider Haggard's image of Quatermain?

One dimensional acting coupled with a dialogue that sounds like the "actors" are reading their scripts with the emotional attachment of cold custard. No atmosphere, no soundtrack it's quite obvious why it went straight to video. Got sucked in because of the ludicrous 5.8 rating I get there is still a post pandemic shortage of content but my fellow watchers must be truly desperate to give it such a high rating. . 15 minutes of my life I won't get back. The whole thing is so poorly put together you are left wondering why they even bothered. Might have as well gone down the pub and blown the budget on a round of beer. At least they would have something to show for it.

I seriously don't know how you can make a ripoff Indiana Jones so boring. Like I thought that surely it's not as bad as what most people think, but there's nothing redeemable here. It's such a waste of time, honestly. 90% of the movie is talking, and the action scene we do get doesn't make the movie better. It's as uninteresting as the rest of the movie.

And of course the most annoying character, Brody, goes "I'm coming with you!" then stays for the rest of the movie. Also, the Allan Quatermain guy gives the most uninteresting performance ever. He has little variation in how he talks, it's all just a calm ramble.

I'm honestly just shocked that grown adults made this. I think kids could make the exact same thing and make it more entertaining.

This is a student picture, their lectures should be sacked, never seen anything worse, teletubbies could do better

Only good feature, it was only an hour.

Thank god I have medication, this hopless drivel gave me no reason to live.

Could have done so much better with a class of primary school kids, definitely would have been a better script.

This is a student picture, their lectures should be sacked, never seen anything worse, teletubbies could do better.

This is a student picture, their lectures should be sacked, never seen anything worse, teletubbies could do better And here is the last 22 characters.