Monster Mash

Plot

Dracula, Werewolf, and the Invisible Man must work together to stop Dr. Frankenstein from creating an unstoppable monster.

Cast

Michael Madsen in the death throes of his career in a movie made by the same guy who gave us two awful Hansel & Gretel films and reached such pinnacles as Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark!

Verdict

Did you ever watch the mega cheesy Monster Mash The Movie from the mid 90's? Me neither though I remember seeing the trailer and thinking it looked awful. I'll put my life savings down now that movie is better than this one!

Unsurprisingly an Asylum movie, Monster Mash sees most of the classic movie monsters collide in a movie advertised as a horror but let me assure you couldn't be further from. It's like an unintentional comedy and a stupidly campy one at that.

A vampire, Dracula, Frankenstein, Frankensteins monster, wolfman, the invisible man and of course a mummy. How could this possibly be bad? Well, very easily now you ask. I mean, it's an Asylum movie the better question is surely how could it possibly be good?

The acting is hilariously poor, Madsen included as this man just doesn't try anymore and why should he? He's gone from big Hollywood mainstay to will do anything for a dollar.

The story is contrived, the execution is dreadful and I found myself simultaneously cringing and wincing at the same time throughout.

Who are these movies aimed at? Too violent for kids, too dumb for adults.

Rants

One day someone needs to sit me down and explain how The Asylum movies make money. They can't make enough off the backs of people accidentally buying their movie instead of the one they're mockbustering surely! I've seen countless and am confident they'd reach an average of the early 3.0's if I totaled them all up. Then again are they any worse than ITN, Uncorked, Scyfy themselves? Awful, awful stuff.

The Good

Well, there's a lot going on

The Bad

Dreadful acting It's all so, stupid Seeing Madsen in a film like this is unsurprising but still sad Did I mention how stupid it all is?

Is this a joke?

I was honestly waiting for the punchline.

Waiting for the scene that would indicate this was meant as a comedy or parody of vintage Horror films.

But it never came.

The movie contains every frickin' monster Universal could imagine jammed into one film, and not comfortably.

Poor acting, poor lighting, painfully long dialogue and...Micahel Madsen.

Oh how far you've fallen from Reservoir Dogs.

This film should be dropped into a reservoir.

Listen, I think classic Universal is some of the best celluloid ever produced.

And I understood the homage paid to the classic era of monsters.

Even the scary warnings theaters used to show before a cheesy bad monster flick.

Before...before!!...not three quarters of the way into the movie!!

This was a joke right? ...right?

First the movie. Possibly one of the worst I have seen, and that includes my 2000+ reviews here. The lighting is so dark from scene to scene you might actually think the screen on your device has failed. The writing and acting and overall effect -- or lack of same -- will make you wish the film had originally been done in any language other than English. That way, at least, you could dismiss the end result as bad dubbing. Or bad subtitling. But none of that is "the" extraordinary thing about this film. The extraordinary thing about this release is that the marketer decided to throw all the lemons into the metaphorical blender and make lemonade. The press kit for MONSTER MASH actually touts the fact that it was shot in only 5 days -- like that is a plus! Feels more like 5 hours. Worse, some reviewers actually fell for this hustle, and praised the end result as "campy" ... and "fun". The only fun thing about this movie is pressing the STOP button and taking your trade elsewhere. Except for the marketing. The marketing is brilliant. And campy. And fun. ((Designated "IMDb Top Reviewer." Please check out my list "167+ Nearly-Perfect Movies (with the occasional Anime or TV miniseries) you can/should see again and again (1932 to the present))

Who was the audience supposed to be? The horror crowd?...it failed. The drama crowd?....nope. The comedy/parody vultures? Heck no.

Of course, it is low budget and Michael Madsen is broke but that notwithstanding this is terrible. It has not redeeming features. The acting is terrible. The script is weary. The effects are poor. The direction amateurish. The lighting and cinematography lack any kind of subtlety. It really is is first class horse you know what.

So why not give it one? Well at least they tried. Making coherent and professional movies on this budget must be difficult and almost impossible to get In cinemas.

Doesn't stop it being rubbish though.

I have to say that the movie's title made me stop and have a gander. And of course, I had to sit down and watch it, on account of it being a horror movie that I hadn't already seen, and one that had icon horror creatures such as Dracula, the mummy, the werewolf, the Invisible Man and Frankenstein in it.

Sure, I had neve heard about the movie, so I didn't know what I was in for. But I have to say that with Michael Madsen being on the cover, then I wasn't really expecting a whole lot. And when the movie started and those two dreaded words, The Asylum, popped up on the screen, my expectations went from slim to none.

I can't claim to say that writer and director Jose Prendes delivered a particularly impressive script for the movie. Sure, it was watchable for the cheesy rubbish that it was, but if you're here in search for a properly entertaining creature feature, then "Monster Mash" will leave you sorely disappointed.

The narrative in "Monster Mash" is pretty sluggish and slow paced with very little of anything overly interesting happening. And that made sitting through the movie quite an ordeal.

Of the entire cast ensemble in "Monster Mash", I was actually only familiar with Michael Madsen. The acting performances in "Monster Mash" was okay. Sure, you're not in for any award-winning performances here, but the acting performances were actually fair for a movie such as what it turned out to be.

The effects in the movie were fairly okay too. Not top of the line, of course, but certainly good enough. And for a movie brought to us by The Asylum, then the effects were not too shabby, well except for that atrocious CGI animated beastial creature that looked like something from an early 1990s computer game. What were they thinking with approving that for the movie? And the scene with the giant beast and the giant bat, well that just was an eyesore. It was as if they hadn't added the final details and textures, sort of if you were looking at a rough draft of what they wanted the scene to look like.

Cheesy? Check. Low budget? Check. Enjoyable? Check, well if you enjoy these sort of dubious horror movies.

My rating of "Monster Mash" lands on a five out of ten stars.