Jurassic World: Die Wiedergeburt

Five years after the mess that was Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), we're back in the land of toothy nostalgia. This time, an expedition heads into remote equatorial regions to extract DNA from three colossal prehistoric creatures in the name of a "groundbreaking medical breakthrough."

Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are mercifully gone (finally), and in their place we get Scarlett Johansson, stepping in as the new face of the franchise for round seven of the Jurassic Park/World saga. Gareth Edwards takes the director's chair, and while he's always known how to stage a good spectacle, even his talents can't fully save this dino-soaked popcorn flick.

Let's talk visuals. There's certainly no shortage of giant set pieces and dinosaur mayhem-but when your dinosaurs look like glossy, overcooked cartoon rejects, all the action in the world can't make it feel real. Hollywood still hasn't learned that audiences are burnt out on soulless green-screen overloads, and the actors, forced to react to nothing, stumble through half-baked expressions of terror. You can practically see them wondering where the tennis ball on a stick went.

Character-wise, it's a wash. Most of them are either grating or entirely forgettable, spouting cringey, rapid-fire dialogue that exists solely to shuttle us from one set piece to the next. And while Rebirth does manage to attempt something new and different, it still feels like we're just circling the same prehistoric drain. It's entertaining, sure-but it just isn't that exciting.

That said, it's still a step up from Fallen Kingdom and Dominion, which isn't saying much, but at least it's something. At this point, though, it's time Universal grew a pair and gave us the R-rated, blood-splattered dinosaur horror epic we deserve-because the stakes never feel high when your carnivores are sanitized for mass consumption.

Here's hoping the next one finally evolves. But I'm not holding my breath. It's best to turn your brain off and enjoy this one for what it is.

6/10.

PROS: -The Cinematography is Spectacular!!!

-The T-Rex sequence is TERRIFYING!!!

-Heavy "Jaws" influence during the Mosasaur sequence.

-The Dinosaur effects are great.

CONS: -I'm really tired of mutants/hybrids in my Dinosaur Movies.

-Script tries to undo the fallout of "Fallen Kingdom/Dominion".

-All the characters feel like caricatures.

-The inclusion of an annoying family and a baby dino.

This was a frustrating experience. For every positive in the film, there was a corresponding negative. Gareth Edwards is always on point with cinematography and shot composition. The fact that this was shot on film was noticeable in a positive way. The visuals looked bright during the day, avoiding that blue-tinted filter most blockbusters use these days.

The Mosasaur and T-Rex sequences are actually thrilling, with the T-Rex being legitimately terrifying for the first time since "The Lost World". The effects for the dinosaurs were great, though I do miss the use of practical effects. What I don't miss is the inclusion of mutants and hybrids. I go to these movies to see dinosaurs, not monsters. There are plenty of other franchises for that. The Mutadons and D-Rex serve the same narrative purpose as the raptors (who got completely sidelined here) and the T-Rex. If they had simply swapped them out for those two in the third act, I'd have been much happier.

Also not helping were the characters. The family subplot could-and should-have been removed entirely. They add nothing to the story and waste screentime. The expedition team are all stereotypes, but Mahershala Ali at least stands out. Honestly, I think he would've been fantastic as the lead here instead of Scarlett Johansson.

All that said, I went in with no expectations and still found myself mildly entertained. I can't help but smile when the John Williams "Jurassic Park" score plays and it made a few welcome appearances here. This is definitely a 'paint-by-numbers' Jurassic movie, but I wouldn't be upset if Gareth Edwards got another chance to direct one. 7/10.

Honestly, the first half felt all over the place - too much talking, too many introductions, and pacing that dragged. But once they hit the island, it got better: dinosaur action scenes were intense and visual effects impressive, especially that river chase and cliff sequence.

Scarlett Johansson and Jonathan Bailey were solid, with Bailey bringing unexpected charm despite some forced emotional lines. The movie leans heavily on spectacle and nostalgia, yet the human characters felt shallow and underwritten - I never truly cared about them.

It's entertaining as a summer blockbuster if you just want dinosaur chaos, but it lacks depth. Still, worth the watch for the action and visuals.

I wish I could take a previous review for a Jurassic park clone and insert it here to get across the effort the studio is putting into these now. It's just a cheap cash in for some money. Very boring and predictable. The CGI actually looked worse than the 1993 movie. How is that even possible you ask? By just having gratuitous CGI constantly. It just looks bad and I'm actually depressed after watching this. Something about it all just felt cynical and like it somehow ruined my love of the original a little bit. With that said, this is the last ride for me on this franchise. It hasn't been good for decades as I look back and think about these films.

I'm genuinely furious. This film is a full-on disaster for common sense. Everything is absurdly stupid - from the script to the characters' behavior.

There's hardly any plot to speak of. Instead of a coherent story, we get a pathetic excuse for intrigue - something about "collecting blood samples." The rest is just empty space, disconnected scenes, and aimless noise. It feels like the writers just gave up, hoping that big names and dinosaurs would carry the film.

But even the dinosaurs are missing. What we get instead are grotesque mutant creatures that inspire neither fear nor awe - only disgust. Where's the grandeur of the ancient world? Where's the spirit of adventure? Everything is drowned in a CGI mess.

And let's not forget the behavior of the main characters. It's not just stupid - it's insulting. It feels like they're competing to see who can make the dumbest decision every minute. Watching it is physically painful.

And then there's the architecture and technology. Are you kidding me? You're on an island full of predators, and everything makes noise - doors bang, systems whir, everything clatters. It's as if the designers intentionally made it easier for dinosaurs to find and eat everyone. Total nonsense.

In conclusion: this film is hollow, annoying, and completely disrespectful to the audience. No plot, no sensible characters, no proper dinosaurs. Just noise, stupidity, and monstrosities. A "rebirth"... into something much, much worse.