Primal Survivor: Over the Andes

And it takes its viewers for imbeciles. The guy (Hazel?) traverses very dangerous and treacherous terrain in only a pair of flip-flops! Does he take himself for Jesus or was he made to do this to appear "tough"? Either way, that screams "FAKE!" This is 2024, when we all know that reality TV is as real as a purple spotted unicorn. This guy tries to climb across the "cloud forest" an area in the Andes (possibly Peru? I can't spare a tab to search it or this half-window will crash) where the mountaintops reach the clouds. And, of course, the earth gives from under him and he goes crashing down the mountain in his little Jesus sandals. (But don't worry: only for half a meter or so, then conveniently cuts to commercial break while he is, no doubt, flown to the other side of the mountain, like in Afraid & Naked's extraction point.)

Following episode? Even more idiotic: he is now crossing the extremely white fields of salt in the Argentinian Andes....with not only his fake prophet flip-flops but without sunglass NOR A HAT! And the sun was high-noon blinding! Folks, that is the epitome of stupidity! I'm sorry: I caught this show in the middle, I saw "Peru" and I had to watch, as I watch anything taking place in Peru. So I have no idea what's going on or why he does this like that.

Forget about dehydration, blindness and heat stroke, this dude would be burned to death if this show were real. (They couldn't give him an umbrella??) When he fell down the unsafe terrain, and they show on the map how far he still had to go, you can be sure with the camera cut he is transported by helicopter to his celebration atop the mountain.

I mean they really take us for imbeciles: what, with the many camera cuts, speaking of which what about his cameramen? Are they also wearing Jesus sandals and risking their lives for the show? Please! They still expect to dupe us with reality-nonsense?! UGH!

The guy Hazel arrives at the top of his mountain on time (TA-DAH!!!) and we can all tell, by the half-assed "celebration" to Pachamama that then takes place, that he wasn't on time, but that they politely recreated one for the cameras.

He als finds "wild" black walnuts on the ground, in the middle of nowhere, not a walnut tree nearby but somehow we are supposed to believe that his loot wasn't placed there beforehand by the production! And on and on.

One of the most frustrating things is he was spending time to a kindly Peruvian family (the one that knit him the itchy alpaca wool poncho) and I wanted to see more of them: they were perfect! A handsome family, very well dress in native costumes, a quaint little house...who wouldn't want to live there and learn their customs?! But nope: he had to part way and go on his unmerry way to the top of the sky mountain. UGH!

Other than that, Hazel seems to have studied Don Wildman closely and models himself after him. He's not annoying unlike Paul Beban of Paranormal Declassified who copies Wildman voice, mannerisms and down to his brown leather jacket. He seems to have learned Don's way of speaking naturally to the camera and Wildman's way of being natural on camera. That works. I have nothing specifically against this dude, he would be pleasant enough to watch if the show wasn't based of trickery and duplicity, something I cannot stand from anybody.

And did I mention he slept in a cave, in the high Andes mountains with only a very itchy poncho a kindly old Andean lady gave to him, as his alleged sole protection.

Look, the show takes place in one of the most gorgeous and interesting-to-me areas on the planet. Why couldn't they give the guy some hiking sneakers? Why no Polaroid sunglasses (or just give the dude some Ray-Bans or Foster Grants, man!) For that reason, I am rating it a 4/10. 4 glorious stars because I love the area, and it's not badly executed (read production values: cinematography, editing) but the stupidity makes me remove six stars. He even grabs a poisonous toad and plays with it while talking to the camera. Another Steve Irwin demise pending in the making... You might enjoy the rest of the show, as I did. But the stupidity insulting viewers' intelligence here is staggering. I fell asleep during this show, I'd like to see more if only you buy him shoes, sunglasse and a little hat. (Otherwise this dude will be more wrinkled that Jim Carrey in no time!) So 4/10 it is.