The Finnish Line

I actually had to make an account just to make this review because I can't believe what I even just watched.

No Finnish actors hired for this, no one knew how to speak or pronounce Finnish, some of the cultural facts were just blatantly incorrect and some of the town names even were spelled wrong. I don't think anyone Finnish was actually involved in writing or fact checking this mess. You know none of the Finnish characters even had Finnish names? At one point they butchered the grammar of something so bad that it sounded pretty lewd to an actual Finnish ear, which at least was hilarious even tho surprising.

I mean it's a Hallmark movie so what are we expecting but I think the minimum requirement when using another country and culture as a setting is to honor that and not use it as a butchered trope that you probably only asked chatgpt about. If you made a movie that was set in Japan would you hire Russians to pretend to be Japanese while speaking butchered Japanese off paper while your American white girl adventures there?

It's a shame because I don't think the acting for the leads was bad and the story was almost cute. I was so excited to see a foreign movie about Finland too. The girl best friend character is very cute and supportive, and of course the dogs were completely adorable and the relationship building and chemistry was fine. But I could not in good conscience recommend this to anyone who actually cares, talk about cultural appropriation.

I loved Benedikt Gröndal as the Finnish cousin and veterinarian Lavi. His comedy and highlights of Finnish holiday traditions was the best part of this Hallmark holiday romance built around a dog sled race.

Kim Matula plays Anya Kivelä, a legacy dog sled racer who has come to Finland to the home of Santa in order to race in the race which was her deceased father's last. And to the reporters' delight she is racing against the same man who beat her father in that infamous race. Along the way Anya meets family members from her father's native Finland and she has supporting her in her corner her best friend and business manager, Elyse.

I absolutely loved seeing the dogs and hearing about the Finnish traditions...but really it was Lavi who I enjoyed the most.

We get a few of these movies each year. Hallmark takes us to a foreign country and lets our American (er, often Canadian) leads learn the culture and traditions of the holidays. Often they require a slog of tasks, failing to bring any joy or life to the treasured past (see The Christmas Quest).

But I'm relieved to see how The Finnish Line took that formula and built a very watchable movie, with drama and believe it or not - a real action sequence!

Our lead is Anya (Kim Matula), a legacy dog sled racer returning to a holiday-themed race in Finland where her late father competed. She's joined by bestie and race support teamster Elyse (Nichole Sakura). Our love interest is Cole (Beau Mirchoff), a journalist and former racer himself, who gives our lead someone to monologue to about her feelings.

I did not exactly buy the love story with Anya and Cole, as it seemed like winning the race and beating jerk-face Monty (Páll Sigþór Pálsson) was more interesting. The B love story with Elyse and Anya's cousin Lavi (Benedikt Gröndal) was much cuter and genuine.

We got to see a few fun Finnish traditions, but it didn't seem to slow down the action (again, see the dreadful The Christmas Quest). The dog sled action was great, although I've seen some dog sled folks before and none of them look like Kim Matula. Pretty well kept for the cold temps and dog hair.

Speaking of our lead. You'll recognize her from the Ghosts of Christmas Always (a rare 9 stars for me, 2022). She was also in Checkin' It Twice (6 stars, 2023), which again brought her to cold places. She's great. Nichole Sakura may seem familiar too, for those who loved Superstore like I did. I'd love to see her get a Hallmark lead role.

Overall, a very watchable movie that tweaks the foreign country angle just enough to make it fresh.

Cast Kudos: Anya's cousin Lavi (Benedikt Gröndal). Let's bring that dude to the states and just let him be himself. Loved that guy.

Measuring Christmas Magic: Was this a Christmas movie . . . Yeah, because we learned about Finnish traditions, but did it feel like Santa delivered presents on Christmas morning? No.

Alternative Movie Titles: The Paws of Christmas; Sledding through Finland; Finnish-ing My Father's Race. To be fair, the original title was absolutely fine.

This one breaks all the molds, and is more an adventure movie than a Christmas romance. Set in Finland, the movie follows a sled dog race as our heroine tries to win one of the few races her father lost in his lifetime.

Standing in her way is the same man whose dirty trick cost her father the race at the moment he should have taken the lead.

There really wasn't anything about this writing--either plot or dialog--that bothered me as ill thought. Our female lead comes across as someone with depth, conflicted by her motives to reclaim her father's only loss versus her desire to show her own success.

We very much enjoyed this film.

I want you to listen and I want you to believe me when I say that this is the best Christmas movie Hallmark has ever released.

This is down to Beau Mirchoff, the male lead.

I can't say I was extremely familiar with Beau's oeuvre before seeing this. But I did look him up prior to watching, just to check how hot he was and whatnot. He was hot. I decided to watch.

Hallmark's men are usually average or just above average looking - attractive enough to entice the lonely midwestern housewives who watch these movies (us!) but not so hot that they're unattainable. That is not the case with Beau. Beau is unequivocally out of our league.

But wait for it. As if that wasn't enough, The Finnish Line contains the longest shirtless scene in any Hallmark Christmas movie (I know because I have watched all of them - don't worry about it).

And what a scene it is. What a chest.

It begins at 41:54 (you're welcome) when we catch Beau and the female lead - don't ask me anything about her, I didn't look at her once - standing by a carved round hole in a frozen lake.

Beau is wearing is brown-ish plaid robe, which he proceeds to peel off before climbing into the freezing water. We get a few good shots of his full body while this is happening (he's tall, broad-shouldered, athletic) and catch first glimpse of his giant furry chest. Then the girl also gets in or whatever and they stay there chatting for about a minute.

But then, when you thought this is over and are getting ready to go back and replay that undressing sequence to make sure it's seared into your mind's eye for a good year at least, Hallmark decides to take it to a new, unprecedented level.

At 42:48 we get...Beau in a sauna.

And there is nothing to obstruct his luscious milk jugs here. No robe, no freezing water, no fast edits, no plot. Just close up, lingering shots of his face and torso, cropped just above the waist, transforming his massive pecs into a central character of the movie, one whose story and pathos we're emphatically invested in, a character worthy of its own sequel.

The scene ends at 44:48 and the audience reaches out for a cigarette.

Will we get that sequel? A Christmas movie about Beau Mirchoff's furry pecs? If Hallmark has any sense, we will. That's a Christmas miracle worth believing in.