El misterio del dragón

What can you expect from a Jackie Chan movie? Too much, too little, too late, yes? Throw in Arnold Schwarzenegger, a few European retro stars and lots of Russian vodka lime twist with Eastern and western mythical creatures thrown into the mix and viola, 2 hours of silly whack. The acting of all the actresses are blatantly cliche and nubile so prepare to dumb down. I gave a 6 for costumes, good enough special effects, scenery and enthusiastic over acting by all the extras. It's not everyday so many get to make some coin and see Jackie and Arnold buddy up.

I just watched The Iron Mask

Oh Arnold Schwarzenegger. This drivel is on par with Killing Gunther. I noticed the credits said 'With the special participation of Jackie Chan' I didn't notice Arnold's name outside of listing him as an Executive Producer.

Arnold and Jackie Chan arrive early on, then disappear around the 40 minute mark, and turn back up at the end. His screen time is about 15 minutes if I'm being generous. It could be as low as 10 as he is in a few scenes, but he is not actually on camera. So I'm not sure why Randy was so thrilled with his " substantially bigger roll" he shares most of his scenes on screen with Chan. As for his love of Arnold's hand to hand fighting, I'm amazed if he does not realise that was done with a stuntman/stand in.

I knew what to expect going in, but I was still surprised at 1 minute 22 of 8 studio logos, then we get the opening credits which doesn't feature cast names, but a list of producers, executive producers, co executive producers and co distributors!!

Awful ADR, poor acting, woeful attempts at humour and some poorly executed fight choreography really drag this drown. It does look pretty though.

Apart from the undeniable charm of silly wigtacular duel of Jackie Chan and Arnold Schwarzenegger, 'The Mystery of the Dragon Seal' has not much to offer. Still, it is competently made and there is something captivating about the nuttiness of it all.

There's a dragon. There is healing tea growing from the dragon's eyelashes. There are white wizards and dark wizards. There is a princess and a fake princess. Master (Jackie Chan) is imprisoned in London under the warden James Hook (Arnold Schwarzenegger). His cellmate is the Man in the Iron Mask who claims to be Russia's Peter The Great. Miss Dudley is desperate to find her love Jonathan Green (Jason Flemyng) who is traveling with Cheng Lan to China. She's the princess and the daughter of the Master. Miss Dudley tries to free the Master and the Iron Mask.

Well, Jackie Chan and Arnold are only playing minor roles. At least, they get to have one fight. That is almost enough to recommend this. It's the fight that we've been waiting for. If only, it happened two decades ago. As for the main plot, it's a lot of conveniences. It's a little convoluted but relatively easy to follow. It's somewhat bad but not the worst thing in the world. Mostly, I kept wondering why Jackie Chan isn't in the group. It's a big mistake to show the audience Jackie and continue the plot without him.

It says that Oleg is one of the leading feature film directors in Russia. Sorry, not leading, not even know who he is, nobody knows him in Russia and I wish he hadn't made this movie. With such a cast making "this" was almost impossible but he did it, bravo, awful movie. Long, as stupid as only an ignorant can make it. Depictions of Russia, China and London are probably taken from Soviet poster caricatures. I think Arnold and Jackie will be ashamed of this movie, I cannot believe it stars Pavel Volya, an excellent stand up comedian.

BAD BAD BAD, please Oleg, don't make any more movies...........