- Opening Title Card: IT is the intention to herein point out that old, yet so valuable, moral - - "MAN MAY SELECT A WIFE - BUT HE SHOULD BE CAREFUL WHOSE WIFE HE SELECTS!"
- Lord Clive Cheney: Tell me... why did Arnold look exactly like a dose of castor oil when I walked in? Out with it! Everyone is flustered and embarrassed! What's up? Am I boney?
- Arnold Cheney: Good Lord! Do you think she'll want to kiss me?
- Elizabeth Cheney: She's your mother, isn't she?
- Elizabeth Cheney: Suppose some man were trying to take me away from you. What would you do?
- Edward 'Teddy' Luton: You have two lovely eyes, Elizabeth. I'd black one - - and close the other!
- Elizabeth Cheney: [smiles] You brute!
- [kiss]
- Young Clive Cheney: I say, Hughie... were you expecting to be shot?
- [Referring to his pistol]
- Young Clive Cheney: The former owner used them on a bounder who tried to run away with his wife.
- Arnold Cheney: Upon my soul, I wish you hadn't invited my mother! I'm frightfully jumpy!
- Elizabeth Cheney: Don't be ridiculous Arnold! Your mother hasn't seen you in almost thirty years!
- Arnold Cheney: And inviting that man, Porteous, to come here with her, is... positive piffle!
- Lord Hugh "Hughie" Porteous: You shouldn't have dragged me along, Kitty! D - -- d silly idea for me to meet them anyway!
- Lady Catherine "Kitty" Cheney: Hughie, do you suppose Clive has aged much?
- Lord Hugh "Hughie" Porteous: H - l, yes! Probably he's as wrinkled as a prune!
- Lord Clive Cheney: How are you, Hughie?
- Lord Hugh "Hughie" Porteous: D - -d rheumatic if you want to know!
- Lord Hugh "Hughie" Porteous: D - n it, sir! Don't guffaw at me! Your teeth are as false as mine!
- Lord Clive Cheney: Yes, but by gad, sir, mine fit!
- Lord Clive Cheney: What's got your nerves, Hughie... too many cigars?
- Lord Hugh "Hughie" Porteous: Cigars, h - l! You've had it sweet! All I have left... is cigars!
- Lord Hugh "Hughie" Porteous: [to Kitty] Let's get away from here! You can't have two husbands under the same roof and keep the d - -- d thing on!
- Lord Clive Cheney: Fancy that young whipper-snapper matching wits with me!
- Lord Hugh "Hughie" Porteous: [laughing] You're a downy old bird, Clive!