Terror en el lago Ness

This is the first Larry Buchanan movie I ever viewed, and sadly wasn't the last. I only bothered checking it out after seeing the trailer in "Fantastic Dinosaurs of the Movies" many years ago as a kid. I found the deceptive box art and melodramatic trailer even more entertaining than the film itself. I haven't even bothered watching this again for almost twenty years, but I remember enough to write this review.

The main story goes like this. At "Loch Ness", a team of scientists led by some guy named Pratt seek out to find Nessie, but instead discover eggs laid by the monster and the decide to steal one of them. Unsurprisingly, Nessie gets mad and begins rampaging around the area, searching for her egg. Meanwhile, another scientist named George Sanderson (Sandy Kenyon) recruits longtime Loch Ness resident Jack Stewart (Doc Livingston) to prove Nessie exists. That's about all I cared to gather.

Despite being a "horror" movie, the monster effects were way too cheesy to even scare a kid. Nessie is a totally fake and cheap looking puppet head on a pole with a barely functioning mouth and lifeless beady eyes. The only way it could have been worse is if she was portrayed by a sock puppet. Her roar was just a shameless recycle of the TIE fighter sound from Star Wars. Even her misty breath and nostrils bubbling underwater didn't look too impressive. When she attacks people, it looks hilariously bad. She apparently kills a couple of soldiers by tapping them lightly with her snout or lazily biting Pratts shoulder and head while he just stands there like an idiot. There's only one mildly disturbing death scene when Nessie dragged some guy in a sleeping bag into the water. Other than that, nothing in this movie was scary.

The acting is awful, since all of the "actors/actresses" are all just members of Buchanans family. And I've heard enough legitimate Scottish accents to find the obviously fake ones insulting if they thought it would fool anyone. And that's not all that proves this didn't even take place at Loch Ness, but at Lake Tahoe, California. You can easily tell by the out of place California redwoods seen several times.

This film is so low-budget and crummy, yet you could say it's so bad, it's good. Otherwise, it's just a dime a dozen budget monster movie worth a single watch on a lazy day.

"Mr Dean is a Yank from the States." Oh yes, this is the level of dialogue in this cheep, farcical tale of the fabled Scottish monster. There are several issues with the film, but where to begin? The story (if that's what we can call it) focuses on primarily American scientists who are studying the loch, in search of Nessie. There is Jack Stuart (Doc Livingston) who is the stereotypical Scotsman, kilt and all, who has lived at the loch most his life. He owns a magic telescope that has the power to defy both space and perspective, when early in the film his fixed position scope at one time looks down on a plane that is clearly high above mountainous terrain, then is parallel to the lochs surface, as the monster's head protrudes from the water.

Bizarrely, there is no indication that there had been any monster attacks in the past, but all of a sudden, Nessie decides that it's about time it started chowing down on some human flesh. Although, as we later discover, Nessie has standards, and is most certainly a moral killing monster, as it only attacks the wicked! Incredible! The monster itself (as you can see in the picture here) is pretty lame. But I have no issues with it. It is a low budget film, and it is actually quite a well constructed prop. However, for a monster that is attacking people, and is supposed to add a bit of horror into the film, you just have to look into the eyes, and actually the monster is a little cute.

The film is clearly not at Loch Ness, in fact, it is not even in Scotland. IMDb does confirm that it was filmed at Lake Tahoe in California. This shows, as the trees are wrong, and even the sounds of wildlife are native only to North America. Now onto the actors - a term used here very loosely. I have never heard so many appalling attempts at a Scottish accent in my life. I can do a better Scottish accent, and I'm rubbish at any accent! As I was watching, I could only guess that when casting, they were simply asked if they could roll their R's - "Yes." "You're hired."

Whilst it is easy to ridicule this film for almost everything in it, it is still incredibly fun to watch. I guess that it would qualify for one of those so-bad-it's-good labels. But it really is bad. For some bizarre reason, there is also the story of a Nazi propaganda plane that crashed into the Loch during the war. Odd, stupid, full of some of the worst acting ever, but a bit of harmless fun. The Wrath of Blog, watching films so you don't have to.

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Although I like some other films made by this director, this is the only one I ever paid to see in a theater. I never made it to the end before I walked out. The ad showed a neat-looking monster, but the puppet/parade float used in this film looks nothing like it. Actually, I didn't know this was made by the same guy who did THE EYE CREATURES when I went to see it. Had I known that, there's no way I'd have paid to watch it. Some movies are so bad they are good but this is not one of them.

Oh Larry Buchanan, we do have fun! Other than B schlockers Attack of the Eye Creatures and Zontar the Thing from Venus, this is the next of Larry's movies that I have had the fortune of seeing. I haven't personally been to Scotland, but a lot of faux Scots accents didn't seem to help convince me they were there either. Is it just me or a magic trick how the Scottish accents drift in and out especially during extended dialogue scenes. Hey, they had to sell it somehow I guess.

Kudos to Doc Livingston for playing Scot eccentric Jack Stewart who provides the most entertainment out of the lot. Jack's daughter (played by Miki McKenzie) is nice to look at and has the best effort in sounding passably Scottish. I won't try to give away about the movie's main attraction, but let's just say that it has really shiny velour skin in sunlight..at least from the neck up. The nose bubbles added a nice touch.

Larry shows his ability to switch from day to night and back to day scenes. Hey, at least they got to shoot the film in sunny weather. Although far from a good movie, Loch Ness Horror is a manageable work by Mr Buchanan and definitely earns it's 'B' grading.

What can I say about a movie as bad as this? The people who made this movie, didn't even try to make the monster in it look realistic. You never see more than its head, and the head is just a giant puppet that has little movement except for when it opens it mouth to roar. And the sound they used for the roaring is the best part. At many points in the movie it sounds exactly like a TIE fighter flying over! I couldn't believe that when I first heard it and had to rewind several times to make it sink in. Other than the terrible looking monster and the noises it makes, there isn't much more to this film except for a few corny attack scenes and the crazy Scotsman attacking the kids trying to have an intimate moment in his castle. Still, it's watchable if you like this sort of trash. I know I do....