Elves

This schlock-ridden beauty is a christmas horror gem of the it's-so-bad-it's good variety.

The plotline is gold.

Nazis have genetically engineered the master race gene into elves buried in an american forest. The man behind this plot impregnated his own daughter, as part of a scheme to create the perfect human- specifically designed to procreate with these elves. Hence, his granddaughter is the focus of an ancient prophecy come to fruition...as she is to breed with the elf at midnight on christmas morning, to bring forth the antichrist and master race- who will rule over the entire world.

But she has no idea about any of this...until, well, her friends start getting murdered by nazi occult priests and the elf itself.

Up to this point, she's just a rad 80's chick, upset with the outrageousness of this square world...shooting the shit with her girlfriends and getting up to no good. At least when she's not working.

One night, she and her girlfriends break into the department store where she works. They plan to party...but are are interrupted with this whole fiasco, before they get a chance to let loose.

Now, her, Santa, and her little brother must take on and destroy the elf, before she gets raped and knocked up with the antichrist by it.

This film is cheesy as hell, but the elf is kinda cool (though, also totally lame), and its full of awesomely quotable one liners. There's even some tension in there! Meaning, it's pretty much everything you want in a christmas horror this holiday season.

Recommended.

6 out of 10.

Wow! I can't believe this movie exists. Just when I thought Chuck Norris was the worst actor ever, along comes Grizzly Adams. He is a department store Santa trying to stop a Nazi created elf from doing something. The elf is laughable. Characters come and go without explanation. The elf kills without explanation. Grizzly Adams acting defies explanation. The dialogue is priceless. This movie was delightfully bad. I highly recommend it. Rent it for a laugh.

Not much of a Christmas horror outing, just that it's set around that time. Nonetheless "Elves" (when there really is only one elf) is z-grade, low-brow shot-on-video schlock that surely entertains in its cheap, stagy execution and downright daftness, although surprisingly Dan Haggerty puts in a solid showing (and definitely the best of the performances) as a store department Santa Clause caught up in the madness. What's going on is truly oddball and baffling, but it's a ridiculously fun idea that has Neo-Nazis using the occult in trying to create the perfect soldier and this involves an genetically created Elf (who no way can be considered Santa's little helper) impregnating the chosen virgin on Christmas Eve to create the master race to take over the world. What a way to celebrate Christmas. Nazis, Santa, numerous sexual themes (from perverted to violent), a sour-face blond virgin, crazily neurotic mother (Deanna Lund) and a hideous 2ft elf with murderous impulses. Yeah it's a soap opera of sorts with a poignant cruel streak and laughable dialogues. The creature design looks decent enough, despite the stiff movements and we get moments of blurry elf vision.

"When there's no more room in hell. The elves will walk the earth."

My review was written in January 1990 after watching the movie on AIP video cassette.

Boasting one of the nuttiest premises in recent fantasy film history, this direct-to-video release is an easy-to-watch spawn of the success of "Gremlins".

Proper title would be "Elf" rather than "Elves", since low-budgeter coughs up only one puppet creature. Impossible-to-swallow plot hook is that a group of neo-Nazis, living in Colorado Springs (!) is planning a Fourth Reich based on mating an elf with a special virgin girl to create a new master race.

Supposedly those mystical Nazi scientists during World War II stored the genetic information in a two-foot tall elf, awaiting their big chance. Borah Silver plays Grandpa, a Nazi who impregnated his own daughter (Deanna Lund) to produce a supposedly perfect offspring, lovely Julie Austin, who's poised for the grand experiment that has to take place on Christmas Eve.

Dan Haggerty plays a down-on-his-luck security guard working as a department store Santa Claus (!) who tumbles on to the weird scheme and strives to save Austin and the world. Open ending predictably is a shot of the etus, a result of a puppet raping her (!).

This sounds silly and is, though director Jeff Mandel manages to keep things interesting despite the hokum. The incest subplot is handled quite well for dramatic impact, and the effects, designed by VIncent J. Guastini for Fantasy Workshop, are okay. Script is not above making fun of star Haggerty's real-life problems, but he seems a good sport about it.

Acting is variable, with Austin's sympathetic performance the glue that holds one's attention. Lund, a former starlet familiar from Jerry Lewis films and tv's "Land of the Lost" series, is effectively cast against type as the mean mom/half-sister. Silver's accent as Grandpa is a joke and Allen Lee takes the student-acting booby prize as a goofball professor.

I recently watched Elves (1989) on YouTube. The storyline revolves around a young lady with a troubled home who discovers she's at the center of a Nazi master plan to create the master race, somehow involving killer elves. To thwart this diabolical plan, she teams up with an unexpected companion-an unemployed mall Santa.

Directed by Jeffrey Mandel (Turnaround), the film stars Dan Haggerty (Abducted), Deanna Lund (Land of the Giants), Julie Austin (Twisted Justice), Borah Silver (Escape from New York), and Ken Carpenter (Hellraiser III).

This movie proves to be an uneven addition to the horror Christmas genre. While the storyline has a good setup and effectively evokes sympathy for Santa, the claymation and portrayal of elves fall short, lacking believability and impact in the kill scenes. The Nazi angle adds a unique blend of humor and sinister undertones. Dan Haggerty shines as Santa Claus, providing a character that's easy to root for, and Deanna Lund's performance adds smoking allure, particularly in the standout bathtub scene.

In conclusion, Elves is a must-see for fans of Christmas horror, with notable characters and an intriguing, albeit uneven, storyline. I would give it a 4/10 and recommend watching it at least once.