Life and Death on the A-List

I first saw this film in the late 90s but rated it pretty low as it was not an enjoyable film to watch.

This guy had been one of my early crushes (I'll never forget that laundry commercial with him in the elevator) and I knew of his print work for Marlboro.

The film was a well-made documentary for its time and it serves as a valuable time-capsule of that era. There is another review of this (by a family member) lamenting the mother's ignorance at the time. But, back then we didn't know and everyone went through a period of paranoia along similar lines though most gay men had passed through that phase by the time this was made.

I lost a number of friends to AIDS and though this brings back some painful memories, I'm glad I watched it again. Seen through the filter of time, it was a better documentary than I gave it credit for being.

I guess I'm a little biased since he was my uncle, but I'm wondering where I can get a copy now. It was so powerful to watch and said a lot about the early Aids epidemic in the 90's. There weren't drugs like we had today, and it shows the stigma where those with Aids were treated like lepers and ostracized. I can remember one part where my Grandma Katy, his mother was just ignorant and didn't know any better. Can you imagine not being able to take care of your own son in his last days at your house because the other condo owners were so scared if he used the pool they'd have to drain it.

How awful to finally be educated years later when your son is gone, and live with that guilt! I know it bothered her, but we didn't know any better back then. He was such an amazing man in so many ways, despite his promiscuous lifestyle. Some of it is the dark side of the gay culture, and a lot of it in my opinion is just the feeding of the ego/addictive tendencies that run deep in our Irish Catholic family.

Regardless, I think anyone at the age of possible sexual activity should watch this documentary. It shows the heinous progression of this disease in such honesty I understand now why my parents would not let me see him in his last days. It broke my heart not to be able to say goodbye, but I still feel him around me sometimes.

The lessons in this documentary are profound, I keep finding meaning in it years later as an adult dealing with the cold side of human nature. Where even his many admirers where not there in the end to take care of him. Family was there, and that's why despite what anyone says I still believe family is the most important resource we have.

There's an unspoken obligation to get past hurt and anger to take care of each other when it's really needed. For this I am grateful. Tom came from a big family of 8 brothers and sisters and was the 5th. Fittingly in middle child style he made a name for himself, my favorite memory of him was when he would break out into show tunes in his strong Broadway style voice. It was something to see, and I'll never forget him!

This movie is a must see for any gay man it speaks to and from our very dark side. The documentary opens with the main character in his most golden and handsome state. He then gives you a glimpse of what it's like to be one of those gay men that are blessed with charm, manly beauty & intelligence. You see the privileges that are bestowed upon you by that ever so judgmental "Gay Foodchain" when you are one of its superstars. One also observes the MAN that seems to have it all really does not. The protagonist in the course of the film exponentially declines in health & looks. It is interesting to note that this man could have had at one point, just about ANY man he wanted yet, when he dies their is no husband / romantically loving soul by his side. The movie spoke to me in the following way. It brought to focus that the parties; the circuit and the barrage of beautiful men are our blessings as modern gay men, yet they can also be our biggest curses. The film reminds me that beauty fades and the gay male playground is only that a cold place to engage in adult pleasures. It also makes me realize the true worth of holding and being held by another man that loves & cares for me in the long term. A sobering film that is sometimes funny and sad with a subtle message to zip your pants and look for more in a partner that the perfect six pack.