- [Billy Bones has apparently died]
- Rizzo: He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie!
- Billy Bones: [Billy Bones suddenly wakes up and, without opening his eyes, grabs Gonzo's nose to pull him closer] Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! You've always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones.
- Gonzo: I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.
- [Nods at Jim]
- Gonzo: *He's* Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.
- Billy Bones: [Billy Bones grabs Jim's shirt and pulls him closer] Jim?
- Jim Hawkins: Yes, Captain?
- Billy Bones: Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!
- Jim Hawkins: Yes, Captain, what is it?
- Billy Bones: Beware lads! Beware.
- Jim Hawkins: What, the one-legged man?
- Billy Bones: Aye. But also, beware runnin' with scissors or any other pointy object. It's all good fun, until somebody loses a - Ahhhh!
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: [during roll call] Big Fat Ugly Bug-Faced Baby Eating-O'Brien?
- Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Faced-Baby-Eating O'Brien: [a beautiful woman with a deep voice] Aye.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: [he and officers stand aghast for a moment] Oh.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: [continuing the role call] Angel Marie?
- Angel Marie: [an ugly creature] Aye! Aye!
- Gonzo: I thought pirates had talking parrots as pets.
- Long John Silver: Talking... parrots?
- Polly Lobster: What an imagination. First pirates, now talking parrots, what's next - a singing, dancing mouse with his own amusement park?
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [shouting flabergasted] Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen! so who hired them?
- [Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Your finger hired the crew?
- Squire Trelawney: No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo.
- [Holds finger to ear]
- Squire Trelawney: What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of an excellent cook, Long John Silver.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: A cook? And a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
- Squire Trelawney: Exactly!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [Smollet and Mr. Erroll sigh heavily] I'm starting to worry about this voyage.
- Mr. Samuel Erroll: Mm-hmm...
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Bejamina, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.
- Benjamina Gunn: Sorry? No, no, sorry doesn't cut it. You left me standing at the ALTAR!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
- Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet. My mother came all the way from France! I was wearing her white lace dress! The cake was filled with lemon CUSTARD!
- Mudwell the Mudbunny: [sobbing] Dead Tom's dead. Long John shot him!
- Walleyed Pike: But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: Any man caught dawdling will be shot on sight.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: I didn't say that.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: I was just paraphrasing.
- Polly Lobster: Clueless!
- Clueless Morgan: Yeah yeah.
- Polly Lobster: Give it to him!
- Mad Monty: Yeah!
- Clueless Morgan: But it's not even his birthday.
- Polly Lobster: No no no no no the paper!
- [Polly Lobster punches Clueless Morgan]
- Clueless Morgan: This is for you.
- [Clueless Morgan gives Long John Silver the paper with the black spot]
- Long John Silver: The black spot?
- Mad Monty: Yeah!
- Long John Silver: You dare to give me the black spot?
- Clueless Morgan: He told me to.
- Polly Lobster: What? Shut up will you!
- Long John Silver: Drawn on a page torn from a page from the bible. You tore a page from the holy scriptures, to make a pirates death sentence?
- Clueless Morgan: Here.
- Long John Silver: Oh the red hot gates of hell are creeping open! Satan is heating his pokers for you for you, you blasphemes heathens! Fall down on your knees and beg for deliverance from damnation!
- [Pirates trembling]
- Clueless Morgan: Please forgive us.
- [Pirates begging for forgiveness]
- Long John Silver: Very good you're forgiven. Now untie me! And let's go find the treasure!
- [Pirates rejoicing]
- Jim Hawkins: Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.
- Gonzo: Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.
- Squire Trelawney: Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.
- Rizzo: Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to... negotiate strenuously.
- [Silver turns to try to escape only to run into Benjamina and a gang of pigs]
- Benjamina Gunn: Going somewhere, John-John?
- Long John Silver: Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.
- Rizzo: You know, the ocean? The big blue wet thing?
- Squire Trelawney: Ohh right! The big blue wet thing!
- Rizzo: I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience.
- Benjamina Gunn: You left me standing at the altar.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
- Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet.
- Long John Silver: Aw, hell, Jim. I could never harm you. You're honest and brave and true. You didn't learn that from me.
- Jim Hawkins: I learned it from my friends, Mr. Silver. Now, take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again. Ever.
- Squire Trelawney: Well, gentlemen, this is definitely a genuine bona-fide treasure map.
- Jim Hawkins: Really?
- Squire Trelawney: Oh, yes. Mr. Bimbo told me so.
- [pause]
- Squire Trelawney: Oh, Mr. Bimbo lives in my finger. He's very smart. He's been to the moon.
- [puts finger to his ear]
- Squire Trelawney: Oh, thank you... twice.
- Rizzo: I smell a bozo.
- Benjamina Gunn: Smolly, can it be you?
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Benjamina.
- Benjamina Gunn: Hi-yah!
- [Karate chops Smollett, sends him flying into the gong]
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [to the gong ringer] Old girlfriend.
- Long John Silver: Touching reunion, Benjamina. This seems to be your day for renewing old... acquaintances.
- Benjamina Gunn: Oh! Well... hello, Looooong John.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Oh, no! Him too?
- Benjamina Gunn: Well, if you'd married me...!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Well, what does that have to do with it?
- Benjamina Gunn: I'm a pig! I need commitment!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Commitment?
- [They begin to bicker madly]
- [Trelawney tosses brandy out the window for the third time; screams; two annoyed rats appear at the window]
- Rat with Pipe: You wanna knock it off with the booze? It's peeling the paint off of the shuffleboard court.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [Captain Smollet and Mr. Arrow are fighting the pirates, and Sweetums comes running at them with a large log] Watch out Mr. Arrow!
- Captain Abraham Smollett: [Sweetums then takes all the pirates out with the large log. Smollet and Arrow look at each other for a moment] Well thank you! But, aren't you supposed to be fighting against us?
- Sweetums: Are you kidding? I LOVE you guys!
- Captain Abraham Smollett, Mr. Samuel Erroll: Oh.
- Sweetums: Bwa ha ha...
- [first lines]
- Billy Bones: I was Flint's first mate that voyage. Three days east of Tortola in the Caribbean, Flint knew an island. That's where we buried the treasure. Gold and blood, they were Flint's trademarks. He'd leave both behind him that day.
- Blind Pew: [stroking Jim's hair] Oh a pretty little girl is it? Yes, take me to Billy Bones, ma pet!
- Jim Hawkins: You've got it all wrong, there's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl!
- Blind Pew: I maybe visually challenged, but I can SEE, YOU'RE LYING.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: That will be 40 lashes and then you walk the plank.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: I didn't say that, Mr. Erroll.
- Mr. Samuel Arrow: I was anticipating your whim, sir.
- Captain Abraham Smollett: Where to, Captain Hawkins?
- Jim Hawkins: To wherever the wind may take us!
- Gonzo: Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!
- Rizzo: Oh, brother! Here they go again!
- [Jim and Gonzo have been listing the different directions of the compass and what lies that way]
- Mrs. Bluberidge: To the northwest dirty dishes!
- Gonzo: How does she do that?
- Jim Hawkins: Might as well start. I'll wash.
- Rizzo: I'll dry.
- Gonzo: I'll break.
- Rizzo: [greeting rat tourists into the ship] Alright folks, have your checks made out to Rat Cruises Limited. Remember: We put the "rat" in "pirate".
- Billy Bones: [after opening sequence] Now isn't that a story worth a hearin'?
- First Pig: It was the first dozen times we heard it.
- Second Pig: I'll drink to that.