Hellblock 13

Jailed serial killer (Rochon) spins three horror yarns to her executioner in a haunted prison cellblock. The film as whole just plain reeks of mediocrity, the acting, sets and special effects are below even b-movie standards. The only saving grace is the performances of Rochon and Hansen and the second story which is tolerable.

Let it be said: This movie isn't very good. It runs the gamut from boring to stupid to ugly to cheap. Sometimes it achieves all four of those things at once.

It's an anthology flick with three short stories, but they move so slow you'll feel like you're watching a six hour pain-fest. In the first unengaging tale, a woman's kids are missing, and some dull things happen. Then there's "White Trash Love Story", by default the best segment in the movie, although it moves so slow you'll be asleep before the pretty good effects at the climax. Then there's the embarrassing tale of the over-age bikers who try to resurrect the late "Big Rhonda", mainly through some "hot" girl-on-girl action.

The film's saving grace is the beautiful Debbie Rochon's fun performance as the jailed serial killer Tara, who spins the pathetic tales of "terror". Luckily this movie is available on DVD, so you can skip directly to her parts in the movie.

But you're not gonna wanna even watch that much, because this movie really stinks. It falls below even Troma's admittedly low quality standards. Perhaps if they packed it with ideas like "Tromeo & Juliet" and gave it a sense of humor it would have been bearable, but as it stands, it is a big juicy crap burger.

I had heard nothing but good things about this film, so being a Troma and Debbie Rochon fan, I picked up the DVD. Truthfully, I was expecting the sick-out, slapstick, comedy that Troma delivered with a vengeance in TERROR FIRMER, but it was not here. And I was very happy. I loved TERROR FIRMER, but I wanted a true, back-to-the-roots horror story. This is exactly what you get with HELLBLOCK 13.

This anthology movie consists of 3 dark and twisted tales told by a female serial killer (Debbie Rochon), before her execution. Each story is starightforward and to the point. The horror is there, though at times the gore is lacking. And at times the originality is not there.

Story #1: A mother drowns her two children so she can have the life that she wants, with her new boyfriend. However, things don't go accordign to plan when her children arise from their watery grave to seek revenge.

This was a pretty decent short. The atmosphere of this film was creepy and the story disturbing. However, this story has bee told before, in different films, in different ways. Still, a good horror yarn.

Story #2: White Trash Love Story--An abused 19 year-old white trash girl is married to an abusive, redneck husband. Sick of all the beating and berratings, Hedie Mae seeks the help of a neighborhood witch to solve her problem. Though, things don't work out as planned!

This was a good story as well. Though at times a little slow, it still worked. The witch costume was lame and looked really cheap and cheesy, but the ironic twist of the story was delievered like a punch to the stomach.

Story #3: Big Rhonda--A biker gang, on a run to Mexico to pick up dope, make a pit stop in a "Biker Graveyard" to preform a ritual to their own diety. A bad-ass biker chick who died many years ago in a terrible accident. Big Rhonda! Though, there newest member, Chaney, isn't exactly who they though the was. But Rhonda knows!

The longer of the three stories, this one was pretty good, though lacked in the scary and creepiness of the other two stories. However, this was one of those stories that leads up to an ending. Not alot BS or filler. It is a story with a quick, complete ending, that isn't really explained. It keeps you wondering!

Overall, this is a good movie, with some good stories. At times it does seem like you're watching an episode of Tales From the Crypt, with a smaller budget. Still, the stories are acceptable and the end...between Debbie Rochon and Gunnar Hansen is In Your Face Creepy and and excellent end to these tales.

8 out of 10

Tales of murder and horror written by a serial killer (Debbie Rochon) on death row.

The first is a Susan Smith tale of a woman (Amy R. Swaim) who drowned her kids because her boyfriend didn't like children. No life-in-prison for her, or the boyfriend. BWahaha!

The next story is a redneck husband who beats his wife (Jennifer Peluso). Fortunately there is a witch living across the street. Unfortunately, the girl doesn't follow instructions very well.

Debbie ends with a story of a biker gang who perform a bizarre ceremony in a graveyard. Jasi Cotton Lanier and Brittany-Anne put on a spectacular show amidst the strange rituals. In the end Rhonda (Jennifer Peluso, again) does her job.

What a wild ending!

If you like anthologies in the style of CREEPSHOW, CREEPSHOW 2 and TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE, this is just for you.

It feature 3 great little stories (around 20 - 25 minutes each), with a decent wraparound story to it. It has a nice amount of gore in it as well, if that's your thing.

All the stories are good...that's the surprising thing - the third just edging it for me.

It feature Debbie Rochon (gorgeous as ever) and the original 'LEATHERFACE' Gunnar Hansen, in the wraparound tale which is good in itself.

I picked this up off ebay for a really small amount (£1.70, around $3.00) worth every penny, so if this sounds your thing, get on ebay or look on AMAZON.COM,and grab it...you should'nt be disappointed.