When the opening credits began to roll for "Bong Water," I was beside myself with glee. Luke Wilson? Jeremy Sisto? Andy Dick? It's too good to be true, I thought. I was right. This movie is a complete waste of time, not only for viewers, but for those who actually participated in its creation. Honestly, the studio exec who gave this film the green light should rethink their career choice. The story revolves around the budding (no pun intended) relationship between David, a mellowed out pot dealer played by the ever-charming Luke Wilson, and Serena, a leach who gives all women bad names played terribly by Alicia Witt. The evolution of their relationship spans a three-week time period, and for those of us living in the real world, that was hard to swallow. The two get together based on Serena's desire to promote David's pot-induced art work. Within a few weeks time, though, she's scamming her way into someone else's life, with unbelievable results. In all, this movie has no plot, no strong story line, and no reason to ever grab an audience's attention. Alicia Witt, who could stand to take some acting classes, is truly unbelievable and hard to watch. I don't care if she's a "real" red head and all men love that... those of us who can see past the carrot top see that this actress (and I use that term loosely) should go back to school and find a different career. If you are going to see this movie (and really, you should run screaming if presented with the prospect), look forward to light-hearted and silly performances by Andy Dick, Jack Black, and Brittany Murphy, though they aren't enough reason to actually sit through this 97-minute bore. You are better off catching Dick's performances in other quirky flicks, or Black's work in "High Fidelity" or "Tenacious D," or Murphy's fun performances in "Drop Dead Gorgeous" and "Clueless." If you are truly dead set on a stoner flick, check out "Friday", "Half-Baked", or "Homegrown." "Bong Water" hardly even touches on the topic of the title.
