Return to Savage Beach

This has everything you could ever want in a horrible movie: awful dialogue, atrotious acting, zero story, gigantic breasts, explosions, a villian in a Phantom of the Opera mask, and Buff Bagwell! Great to watch with a group of people with a sense of humor.

With the tagline „The big guns are back", director Andy Sidaris returned to Savage Beach, almost a decade after the original „Savage Beach" movie. The title song is played while we watch the ladies swimming - pretty well aiming at the style of a Bond title sequence. Shae Marks looks like Lara Croft in her early (oversized) days when she enters Savage Beach in a tank top. Such elements of pop culture are nicely used again for an action flick that seems a bit confused in its first half, and sometimes uses annoying flashbacks, but later the loose ends are tied successfully, while another song named „Which ending does this story have?" ironically explains that confusing the audience needs to be a part of the show. Marcus Bagwell, the Warrior from „Day of the Warrior", helps the good guys this time, and Julie K. Smith gets the funniest scene when she can demonstrate her idea of punishing „bad boys". This is the last one out of 12 Andy Sidaris movies I reviewed, certainly not the best among them because it's a bit of a patchwork and lacks new ideas (well, there was a submarine at least), but I have to congratulate the ensemble since they never put out a real bore in all these years - and that, by the way, was the strong point: ensemble. With the exception of "Malibu Express", there was never only one star, it's always about team-play.

An Andy Sidaris classic, folks. For those of you who have never seen any of this guy's movies, check this one out.....it'll tell you all you need to know. "Hard Hunted", "Hard Ticket To Hawaii", "Day of the Warrior", etc., and this movie are all about the same. Beautiful, busty secret agent women and burly dudes blowing up stuff and having sex in Hawaii.

This one involves the recovery of a box of goodies that was buried on an island somewhere in the South Pacific by the Philippine government. "Tiger" and "Cobra" are the secret agents to look out for. Look at their chests and you'll know why. As a long-time wrestling fan, I was suprised to see Marcus "Buff" Bagwell have a prominent role in this one. He even got down and dirty with Julie Strain....lucky guy! Oh yeah, did I mention she's in this, too? She's in a lot of these, but she's in this flick as the leader of the L.E.T.H.A.L. Force (Legion to Enforce Total Harmony And Law). Ava, the big-chested "sextrologist" is back, sending secret messages to operatives over the airwaves.

One agent (the one who dresses in the red leather outfit and hands out the poison pizza) appears later on in the movie during the resolution scenes with what sounds like a poorly-done Russian accent. Don't forget the villain, dressed in an outfit straight out of "Phantom of the Opera".

I'd recommend this movie to anyone who's a fan of the B-movie/soft-core genre....sure, it's not "A" quality, but there's lots of skin and explosions to make up for that!

The last of Andy Sidaris's 'bullets and boobs' flicks is sadly the least accomplished, whereas the others had reasonably fun plots (threadbare as they were) to go along with the copious amounts of nudity on display, this one was just dreary & lifeless a mere shell of what these films were in their heyday (from 1985-1994) Very sad to say that the fun and magic of those films just isn't present in this one.

Eye Candy: Julie K. Smith, Julie Strain, & Carrie Westcott provide ample T&A; Shae Marks shows everything

My Grade: D

DVD Extras: Introduction with Andy and Julie Strain; Director's Commantery; 37 minute Behind the scenes featurette (featuring abundant nudity); Production Stills; Andy Sidaris filmography; web-links; Theatrical Trailer; and Trailers for 11 other Sidaris films (all with abundant nudity)

I hadn't seen an Andy Sidaris film in years (not with the sound turned up, anyway) and I had no reason to believe this one would be any different from his others. Those always had the same elements. First it would have a totally uninvolving action story full of explosions and martial arts. Second, it would have a script that was stilted and pedestrian. Third, it would feature almost uniformly wooden acting. I'm talkin' sequoia here. Last, it would be full of bodacious babes who were always clad in one of two ways: scantily or un-. Only one of these elements interested me (take a guess) and the others made his movies all but unwatchable.

Well maybe I'm getting mellow in my old age or possibly Sidaris learned something from his other films because I could actually enjoy this one as simple dumb fun. The main factor here is a switch in emphasis to flesh over fireworks and fighting. The story is still the same non-entity, the acting is as bad as ever (does Sidaris want it that way?) but the women are a softcore voyeur's delight, though if you prefer nature's bounty over the wonders of cosmetic surgery, you may not appreciate them. The way is led in this film by the udderly amazing duo of Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks, with Julie Strain also on hand and Playboy alumnus Carrie Wescott as the nominal villainess. Marks was also a Playboy centerfold model and one would have thought she wouldn't have needed to augment her considerable natural charms, but I guess that was a career decision.

This movie is not headed for the National Film Registry but I was able to enjoy it on some level and considering Sidaris' previous output, that surprised me.