Merry X Miss

In his final interview with Rialto Report, John T Bone spoke extremely highly of Samantha Strong. In her debut feature, it's not difficult to see why - she has a very natural appeal that shines through the garish '80s styling and even more garish video format.

The setting is a vacation home with Herschel Savage, fiancee Lois Ayres, a friend (Francois Papillon, physically stunning as ever and thankfully given minimal dialogue) and his new girlfriend (Sade), and a dull Trivial Pursuit-playing friend (Johnny Nineteen - not named so for either age or appendage) and his partner Rose Marie. Savage and Ayres are your usual upwardly mobile horrors, as the opening has her wincing at the idea of being around his more common relatives and speculates that Papillon is only dating Sade to try to seem hip. Savage, meanwhile, does an Indian voice and nearly says something else racist until he remembers Sade is in the room - she then says it for him.

Strong and Luis de Jesus (a fitting pairing as she was at the start of her career while he was near the end of his) arrive, the rebellious daughter of Santa and a New Orleans madam, and a raunchy elf kicked out of the North Pole. At this point I wondered if they were going to teach the cynical ensemble the meaning of goodness, or Christmas, including some sort of rainbow coalition sexual connection between Savage and Sade. That never happens (Sade is just limited to one scene with Papillon - a waste), and instead you get a more generic sex romp.

Some ideas are fun, like a fireside encounter with Savage and Ayres where the elf has a stream of filth talk and Ayres assumes a confused Savage is giving her instructions but let down by lackluster execution as well as the stretching of sex scenes that mar so many adult films. There's an extended scene which will probably have a unique appeal to some viewers, where de Jesus chases Rose Marie around before finally convincing her to let him use her present on her (a sex toy), leading to much more. Ayres, meanwhile, ends up in Nineteen's room while going back to Savage, and Marie is...busy elsewhere, leading them to hook up as she realizes he's not so dull after all. I would say this is the best scene in the film, with Ayres and Nineteen having some nice heat together. Strong and Savage, who paired up early in the film then disappeared, walk in on them and decided to share the bed, but beyond some fun banter between Savage and Nineteen (I know some people can't stand that type of stuff in a sex scene but it works for me here), there's no real interaction. There's one long portion where Nineteen and Ayres are just on the bed, not shown at all, while Savage and Strong go at it. It reminds you of just stale the presentation was compared to the potential.

Strong gets her final desire by briefly trysting with Papillon on the couch before leaving for Hollywood, and, presumably, a more interesting life than what we got a glimpse of here.

I do have to point out the soundtrack going for a Christmas carol theme in her sexual encounters, played on a loop, along with another track that has a voice going "whoo!" for your amusement.