- Dirk Simpson: I don't believe in unconditional love, I mean, what is it anyway? Cut off my ears, steal my money and I'll love you anyway?
- Grace Beasley: Yes, and more.
- Dirk Simpson: More?
- Grace Beasley: You don't have to love me back.
- Grace Beasley: That's Tom Jones.
- Nola Fox: Don't you think I'd know my own brother's voice?
- Waitress: Actually, it's Tom Jones. I put the CD on myself.
- Nola Fox: [slaps waitress across the face] SLUT.
- Grace Beasley: When I was a girl I dreamed about becoming a singer. Is that silly?
- Julie Andrews: Not at all. I had exactly the same dream.
- Grace Beasley: [inviting Dirk to sit on the handlebars of her bike] It'll be just like that movie 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid' when they go bicycling together. I'll be Paul Newman and you'll be the lovely Katharine Ross. Whatever happened to the lovely Katharine Ross?
- Dirk Simpson: She fell off the bike and broke her bloody neck.
- Grace Beasley: Maudey, we need your advice.
- Maudey: Follow your heart. Don't let other people's definition of normal cramp your love life. Love a young, gay, tall British man if that's what you want.
- Dirk Simpson: Grace, I think this little adventure of yours means something.Or it's just another story you'll tell in the old people's home. Does it mean something, Grace? Does it?
- Grace Beasley: I don't know what it means.
- Dirk Simpson: I do. I knew what it meant the momenet you broke into my home and forced meals upon me.
- Dirk Simpson: [to Grace] You're not normally like this, are you? I mean, I'm getting to know somebody even you don't recognize. Right?
- Dirk Simpson: Grace, I was the valet and you were the wife. And neither of us has existed for some time.
- Dirk Simpson: I need to see Victor Fox. It's an emergency.
- Funeral Director: He's dead. He doesn't have emergencies.
- Dirk Simpson: Frump without a life.
- Grace Beasley: Valet without a car.
- Dirk Simpson: LIFE WITHOUT A POINT.
- Officer Jones: [after discovering Maudey and Dirk making out and then Finding Grace] What are you doing?
- Grace Beasley: I'm watching them!